4 Things to Keep in Mind When Dating Your Friend's Ex

Can you date a friend's ex? Absolutely. But should you? Therein, my friends, lies the thousand-year-old rub. When you have your eye set on a buddy's former spouse, fiancé, partner or significant other, know that you are towing a fine line that will test your diplomatic skills, loyalty and ultimately, integrity. So you still believe you should be dating a friend's ex? Keep these words in mind:

How deep is your friendship?

Some friendships are worth saving and are in fact, worth the sacrifice. If your friendship is something you put a very high value on and you know that it will be damaged irreparably if you pursue a relationship with your friend's ex, ask yourself: Is this new relationship worth cutting ties for? Or is your friendship much more important?

What are your intentions?

Consider the depth of your feelings for your friend's ex. Are you truly interested in a long-term or at least meaningful relationship, or are you just in it for the fun and curiosity? If you're more into the casual mode, your friend may not appreciate your intentions, particularly if their past relationship was a serious one.

Of course, you do want to explore the possibilities, particularly if you sense a deeper connection on top of the initial attraction with your friend's ex. And dating them will help you discover whether or not it would be the right step for both of you. Whichever is the case, make sure you proceed with caution and that you leave no trail of broken hearts behind.

Permission works.

If you have intentions of dating your friend's ex, always make it a point to let them know at the get-go. Do not wait for your friend to discover that you are seeing your friend's ex after the fact. Your friend will be slighted at your apparent sneakiness. You should also not wait for your friend's ex to spill the beans. If you want to date your friend's ex, tell your friend yourself.

As to what could happen next, that would depend largely on how well your friend and his or her ex have gotten on with their lives since their breakup. If your friend gives you his/her blessings, then you're in luck. That means you can look forward to getting to know a new yet familiar person better.

If, however, your friend asks you to back off, then respect them. This, regardless of how strong your feelings are for the ex. This shows integrity and strength of character that your friend (and the ex) will appreciate. Should your friend realize later that you and the ex are a potentially good match, then he or she will make way for the better person.

Never assume.

Relationships are exclusive. Even if you have maintained a close relationship with one-half of the concerned party for many years, you are still an outsider.. at least where the relationship is concerned. Do not assume that just because you and your buddy are good friends, that you could just jump in and share with what he or she used to have.

The same goes with the object of your affection. Just because you think your friend's ex is giving you more attention than usual does not automatically mean they're interested. Consider other factors as well– your past closeness, how long ago the breakup occurred, the issues involved in the separation, and the current relationship (if any) being maintained by your friend and the ex. There might still be emotional issues involved, and either one of them may not be ready to let go and transition into a new phase in their lives that includes you. Be careful not to get involved in a rebound relationship where you not only lose your friend, but you also get very hurt.