Dealing with Jealous Friends

When Toni goes out with co-workers or acquaintances, she has to be very careful how she talks about those outings. Her best friend is jealous. Many people deal with friends who aren't comfortable sharing them with others. A wonderful relationship can turn sour very quickly when one party is not as open as the other. Oftentimes, the jealous friend is dealing with emotional issues that are in no way connected to that specific relationship. However, not dealing with those feelings can have a serious negative impact on a friendship. So, how do you deal with those friends who don't deal well with your involvement with others?

First, you must make a decision as to the necessity of the relationship. If she is someone you enjoy and are willing to commit to the relationship, then you are willing to deal with the extra stuff she brings to the table. With that being said, there are some ways to deal with jealousy while keeping your relationship intact.

Each person you choose to continue to relate to brings a unique set of experiences and characteristics to the friendship. As a friend, you can help her understand the uniqueness she brings to the relationship. Who you are in relationship cannot be duplicated by anyone else in the world. You can make a statement such as: "I really appreciate how you are such a good listener when I need to vent. There aren't a lot of people I would talk to about certain subjects – so, I'm glad you are here." This helps to let her know that you appreciate the role she plays in your life.

While you can point out the worth she brings to the relationship, you cannot make her see her own worth. Jealous people live in a place of fear and low self-esteem. Her fear of rejection or abandonment is rooted in the thought that she is just not good enough to be loved or appreciated. Now, a friend can counterattack those thoughts when they are verbalized, but a friend cannot provide the internal affirmation that only comes from within. Be very careful to direct her attention to how she feels about herself. If not, she may find her worth in your relationship, which can lead to an unhealthy dependency on you.

It is very important that she be encouraged to nurture other relationships in her life. Developing other relationships can help someone to see how valuable they are in the eyes of other people also. Being able to contribute and socialize in a variety of settings helps to increase confidence that lends itself to self worth. Your friend needs to know that others can see the value she brings, while exposing her to other people that can add to her own well being.

If worse comes to worse and things don't get better, you have a decision to make. Maintaining a relationship with a jealous friend can be very draining and time consuming. If you want to maintain the relationship, an ultimatum may have to be made. That ultimatum can include them getting counseling, spending time in reflection or really understanding the value of your friendship and what that means. If all else fails, you may have to walk away on your own.