Are Digital Breakups Still Taboo?

It is a commonly accepted rule of thumb that, if you're going to break up with someone, you should do it in person. Anything else, such as a phone call, email, or especially the dreaded text message, is simply considered rude and uncaring. But should this be the case anymore, in an increasingly digital world with increasingly disconnected people?

The average relationship today looks very different from the one that existed when this breakup guideline became relationship law. Couples are farther apart, people are busier than ever, and the rules for politeness and social convention seem to change on a daily basis. A small segment of couples also have to deal with abusive situations, where physical distance and separation are more a matter of safety than rudeness.

Consider first the issue of long-distance relationships. While most couples in long-distance relationships would probably agree that it is still best to have major discussions that concern the relationship in person, this is not always possible. For some, using the telephone or a text message to initiate a breakup is the best option to avoid having to stay in an unhealthy relationship until the next visit or shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars in travel costs to discuss the decision in person.

In this case, relationship experts are somewhat divided. The acceptable course of action generally comes down to what you can do and what is beyond your control. Most people simply can't afford to drop a large amount of money on unplanned travel for the sake of one conversation. If the relationship is in early enough stages, it might be acceptable to cut it off through digital means. On the other hand, if a long-term committed relationship, engagement, or marriage is on the line, have the patience to wait until you can face your partner in person, and prepare for a lengthy explanation about why you need to back out.

Abusive or extremely unhealthy relationships can and should be the exception to this rule. A long-distance relationship that is causing one or both parties significant emotional or mental harm needs to end as quickly as possible, even if it means breaking up over the phone or through text. Similarly, a physically abusive relationship between geographically close individuals might be safer to end through a phone call, email, or text message, allowing both people the freedom to speak their minds without fear of physical punishment. In abusive circumstances, precautions should be taken in case the rejected partner tries to initiate a visit in person after the fact.

It is never easy to break up with someone, whether you are the one being left or the one doing the leaving. For the growing number of long-distance couples, as well as the couples who need to avoid a potentially dangerous situation, text messages, emails, and phone calls are now mostly considered an acceptable way to end the relationship. However, using technology in place of a face-to-face breakup is still probably not the best option for couples who live close enough to make a visit possible and who aren't afraid for their safety.