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Why are scammers the most polite and complimentary?

As someone who is unfamiliar with receiving messages from 'scammers' on dating websites, I quickly read and learned how to spot a likely scammer. The saddest part is, the 'scammers' are much more complimentary and emotionally outgoing than the average man.

I have been told by apparent scammers that I am 'the paragon of beauty', 'most beautiful girl' and 'I am in love with you, I am'. The majority of my flowerbox bouquets have been from apparent 'scammers'.

Why are other men not so willing to express themselves? Hmm.. I'll take honest expression and chivalry anyday! Perhaps there is something for the average man to learn here from these other men.

Oh, sure, they want something from you, but at least those labeled 'scammers' express themselves openly.. ha. What happened to manners, men? Holding doors and taking care of a woman because you WANT to, not because you want something in return?

Consider this: There is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of and caring for someone in return. If you do not wish to do this, why are you on a dating site?

Most men, upon hearing that a woman wants security, thinks 'golddigger'. As someone who was raised in an upper-middle-class family, my cousins married a doctor and a lawyer respectively, AFTER the women had built up their own career with good salaries and even bought their own home at age 24-25! Many polls have shown that a wealthy, successful man wants to marry a woman who has her own career and money.

Supporting your wife and 'letting' her stay at home and be a homemaker is done out of genuine love sometimes, you know. They line the streets of the neighborhoods I was raised in.

Just food for thought. Many men who are willing to do this, and wish to be cared for in return, are often happily married right now.

Comments (56)

Because my dear . if there not polite and complimentary . they know . there going to get BUGGER ALL OF YOU frustrated frustrated frustrated head banger head banger
I actually came across one scammer earlier. The account stated she was 86, but the photo looked much younger. I do agree, alot of scammers have atrocious grammar.
I don't usually get messages from scammers, but I come on here and look for them so I can report them. There are a lot of nice people here, and I do not want to see you being taken advantage of.
This site is being taken over by scammers and there seems to be no effort to stop them .the blatant lies total contradictions in their profiles with pictures that don't even match the description in the profile . What's worst is the insult to my intelligence . Do they think any woman over age 60 is so desperate for male flattery that they will be taken in by their expressions of love and other nonsense remarks ? . I receive an average of 3 scammers per day if I'm online they just trawl through and try hitting if your online. I think every one needs to start reporting them . I often reply and tell them they're scammers and then they delete the profile .I know they will just create another but if every one shows them they've been sussed every time maybe they'll get the message and go to another site . I have to block north America as most pretend to be from usa as if it's the most desirable nationality in the world . It is for them obviously but not for every one. They are mostly Nigerian or Romanians who spend their days behind banks of computer screens trying to scam people . I talked to guy who was in contact with Russian woman and had sent her expensive jewellery she had asked for 500 for fare to Ireland. I tried warning him but he wanted to believe some stunning Russian woman was going to love him . It seems the less desirable they actually are the more they want to believe the illusion .What can you say some people are deluded want to believe this successful handsome high-powered person had fallen for them . Life isn't a fairy tale and dating online is more fiction than fact .most men lie about their age marital status dating history . Most men want sex asap that's it .most men are huge disappointment .the world of dating online is .........I've no words left ......well one or two ......a fruitless quest yes thats 3 words lol
Garnet, I have to agree with your photo comment, I see the same picture(s) on their profiles that's been there for the last 10/15 years, with no changes,
Wonder if the scammers think people don't notice ' WE DO NOTICE '
One person can have about 40 profiles, you block one then they try to contact you with another profile, the pattern is easy to notice....
wave wave

Good morning ??
I can tell by the first intro, I don't even bother replying, I just delete their messages,
Their usual requests are the same, especially new members n how all of a sudden their previous profile(s) is deactivated,
The other day a man was talking about love n sex, then they ask about kids !!! Wow what the heck were YOU thinking when you mention sex then ask about kids ???? What is wrong about THIS situation ??? It kinda threw me..
I notice most of the people posting in this thread , are using scammer grammar.

But that aside, lets answer your question.

A scammer is someone who says what they think you want to hear to give them what they want.
They are NOT open with their emotions (it is all a lie to get your money/bank account info)
They are NOT honest with you (they simply say what normally gets them your money/bank account info)
They are NOT complimentary in what they say (It is simply what normally gets them your money/bank account info).

Do you see the pattern yet?

And as a man who is health, wealthy (made my own money thank you very much) in good shape, and a lot of fun to be around... and not even 40 yet... I have found expressing my emotions like this does not get me a happy married life but instead emotionally traumatized/stunted proto chicks who want a live in butler/walking atm. (at least in the USA, I will probably go back to Europe to get some real women as non seem to exist state side anymore.)

But that is just my experience.
If any one calls me a pet name and talk about love within two exchange of emails, they are block.
Most scammers on here use very bad English (level of the Kindergarten). That's because they are really from overseas and using Google Translate to write to you, but of course, they will try to appear to be an American man.
Way too fast they will ask you what you do for living. Do not answer it. Yet. I say I do what it takes.
Most scammers will try to get you off this site way too fast, offering to exchange emails, phone numbers or Hangout apps or whatever. Do not do it. I always say to them: all communications will be on here only until AFTER I meet you in person. And even then only if I liked you in person than and only than will i provide my number.
Most scammers have real problem with posting additional 5-6 photos of himself. That's because he stole few on the Internet and has nothing left to steal of the same person in the photo because IT IS NOT HIM. Do not ever give your email, number so he can text you his additional photos. IF HE WAS ABLE TO POST HIS PHOTO (OR TWO) ON HER, THERE IS NO REASON ON EARTH WHY HE COULD NOT POST ADDITIONAL PHOTOS OF HIMSELF ON HERE AGAIN.
He wants to get your personal email, phone number to contaminate it with computer viruses Trojans etc. that will steal your passwords to bank accounts etc. and sell it on dark web.
Ladies, for crying out loud, use your heads, don't be a "fruit cake"!
Have standards. It's up to you to have them and stick by them.
Your goal is to make him meet you in person, in public place, as soon as possible. face to face. So you can judge that he is real and then using your intuition you will see what he is all about.
yep they caught me once on here ,but the thing is they all have the same style asking you to join them on another website and want photos
Last and first scammer I have met here was from US (was telling this) and said is working now in Africa!
Of course many compliments every day, after 3 days he already loved me.
One day he pretended he got an email from his bank that his account are blocked because he was divorcing.
And he acted like he is in shock, panic and asked me to send him cash "only 2000 Euro".
He promised he will give back as soon as possible as he has to pay salary to his workers.
Of course "he was a businessman having own bussines" and also this account was blocked.
After I said "NO. SORRY" He became very angry, agressive, and started to offend me".
I have never seen him in real (on video etc) only photos ...
Scammers get into your head,showering you with flattery and compliments to gain your trust.Once they see that you have succumb to their " flattery and "fake" attention, and gained your trust by telling you " so much about themselves" All lies of course. Then comes the first part of the scam. They tell you things like their baby sister needs surgery but the family cant afford it.Or they have a "friend" who is in trouble and asked them for financial help but as" they "dont make much money , they are unable to help their "desperate friend".
Hoping to appeal to you as their compassionate good friend to stump up and send money to a PO Box in Tunisia, Ghana , Ivory Coast etc etc.
Another one is that the would love to visit you. They will claim to have been to your country before , but of course they are strapped for cash.
Another scam is pretending to be in the Military or they are Bank Manager.(why would a bank manager be offering you a job via a date site ?.Go figure it out.
They lying , scamming slugs out to decieve you and con you out of money.So no matter how much they flatter you, write you gushy poems and declare their " fake love" for you. Take it like you would dog sh*t on your shoe.Cause these con artists are lower than a snails A*s..Word of advice. Dont get involved. Preventions better than cure.
Mist scammers are Nigerian, or African, but not all men are scammers. Just beware dont jump into anything.
They wont skype with you, they are using some poor souls picture, ask you for a lot of info dont give any. Compliments come out of their mouths like honey.
they will tell you anything they want your money. Dont talk to them
Very true. And they NEVER answer your questions.

One that I received ask me if I studied literature, because I write like a poet or author. That triggered my antenna. She never answered my questions but always asking me. The next thing, she asked for my WhatsApp number. So I ask her if she wanted my account number too? And that was the last I heard of her.
All scammers tell you what they know you want to hear. They only set you up to either, send them money or get them out of the country they are in. They need a sponsor to do it, and that costs money even just to meet you.
I have found in the past 20yrs it's all the same, they want something. I found the best way is to insists they come and meet you, if they make excuses or say they do not have the money to come, or ask you to send the money for their ticket,m forget them.doh
As a woman it's I'm sure an entirely different approach than how women scam men .I'd say I get at least 5 a week on this site . In fact any message from outside of my own country I start to think SCAMMER straight away . I've blocked all of north America so I think if I'm still get Americans contacting me every day they're most likely scammers .when you're an older woman like me they flatter you hugely think you'll be taken in by being told all this wonderful stuff . So I prefer a normal guy normal take your time conversation. If a man is effusive telling you how wonderful you are etc etc after just a few messages back away he's most likely insincere a con artist regardless of his nationality . You soon get to recognize the scammers for a start he'll be widowed on 150000 plus a year with a phd even though by his command of written word you know english isn't his first laguage hel'l mention "god fearing "....and marriage in his profile often . Its amaxing how many still getting conned by these criminal types .
scammers the most polite and complimentary because they need yours money ,feelings and time !!!!
Oh yes ... here are unfortunately many scammers ... (black hair and black eyes) ... ??
yeah ... but in the picture they are blond, gray haired or bald. And the lyrics are mostly copy and paste .... oh yes and they like to travel

But even non-scammers here on CS are not easy.

The first contact goes well ... you exchange "inconsequential".

Then days later, phone numbers for whatsapp or hangout are exchanged. (Suddenly you can see the phone number is from Michigan but he supposedly lives in Plainfield Indiana.) Thank goodness the voice and the videochat is real, you write every day and on the day you even create a video chat and a phone call.??
But from now on, he does not write anymore. Even spontaneous calls or selfies are no longer there. The last thing he wrote was ... I'm fine and i miss you.
He does not answer calls or does not answer messages ...

With the help of a good friend (sheriff ...) we found out with our information and pictures that he has a solid relationship for many years ..... so probably little time but supposedly much to do at work.

That was an American man .... no scammer.

(This kind of playing i think synonymous unserious).

thumbs down
Uhhh,’s the thing, I don’t see how a person could EVER fall “in-love” with a person whom they’ve never met face-to-face and actually spent a significant amount of time with in-order to actually develop true feelings of love and not just a surge of chemicals being released in your brain due to this fantasy person you’ve concocted. Ladies and gentlemen, keep your feelings at-bay until you’ve actually met the person and have actually gone on at least a few real dates lol. Anyone asking for something like money is an automatic call-them-out and end contact for me...put your feelings aside and think with your brain analytically, no need to contact authorities because scammers are like roaches, they are impossible to get rid of, so don’t get yourself worked up over something that cannot truly be created in cyber space (love). Just keep your senses about you and be smart, there should NEVER be a time when a person is scammed online by anyone as long as you’re smart and don’t allow your emotions to rule you, learn to master your emotions before you decide to pursue dating ANYONE :p
Most likely because they think the people will fall for their scam as they sound the perfect person and like all these things if sounding too good to be true it will case as I have read many of these scammers profiles and it is too easy to fall for them if you are new to this type of dating.
Not being separate from life, "which is the real cheater," have not arisen yet from sensuality and pleasure-
The entire creation is a cheat in disguise and our creator is the best deceiver.
I just want to say that all nice, polite and complimentary guys aren't "scammers"! I have no real experience with any "scamming" on this or any other site, beyond the relatively obvious "working girls". So I have no idea what others are experiencing, but some nice people are just that, and I hate to see a whole genre of personalities lumped in with the dregs of the society! I hope the whole world doesn't turn into a sea of jaded mistrust and suspicion, but I understand the effects of a con. Hopefully we can keep a sliver of trust in our hearts that SOME things are just as they seem, and not every person or event is filled with a conspiracy of hate and fear.
Thank you for this Article. It was very helpful.
Yes, it's BS with the scammers on this website. I got pulled in by 2 ladies and of course they were willing to give me love and affection compassion romantic which I like. But all they wanted to talk about after that was they wanted money money money money. I don't mind sharing equally but crap that's all they were interested in was money. I'm not rich but not poor. Money really shouldn't be that important if a person is in love. I'm descusted how now a days that's a person's firs thing to talk about.
Seems to me, this site is a store front for scammers. I receive likes and messages from at least 3 a day. Mostly beautiful woman that are clearly out of my league and my territory, easy enough to ignore. The latest was local "love1woman", been messaging for about a week, now claims she wants me to send gas money so she can drive an hour to meet me. lol
I love scamming the scammers, I save all their Email addresses, then go to Craigslist and repeatedly send them a lousy sex ad to their Email, and tag it from their email, (It will say send this ad to a friend) I've done this a about hundred times to some scammers, especially when they tried scamming me from their cellphone! I do this to the scammers that I find in my e mail as well as from these dating sites. Some dating sites do remove the scammers right away.

The title of this thread seems to be an ASSUMPTION and not on track with the Toltec agreemens (if you want to live in peace) that I remind:

Be Impeccable With Your Word. <=========================
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions. <===========================
Always Do Your Best.

Better use the tips in my previous comment to guess if your interlocutor is very probably a scammer.

If you want to judge/think he is a scammer because he is very polite and complimentary then it is up to you.

Dear all,

Other tips to guess scammers in order to report/block them:

They are very lazy in general:

They copy/paste an existing Description somewhere in the WEB (Long in general) so if you google their profile description you ll find very probably that the person is flagged as a scammer or some other indications can help you state that.

If the scammer gives his Skype ID and pretend to be in a country like the US or in europe etc.. you can google a website called "Skype Resolver" who gives you the country of last connexion of the skype id ;)

You can google their Photo using the menu image of , to see if the image do not belong to someone in Facebook or to a public person somewhere in the world.

If the decription say the weight is 40 kg (88 pounds) and the picture show the inverse then it's a scam...same for color hair etc..

Above were my advices, and below are the ones from the FBI:

Recognizing an Online Dating Scam Artist

Your online “date” may only be interested in your money if he or she:

Presses you to leave the dating website you met through and to communicate using personal e-mail or instant messaging;

Professes instant feelings of love;

Sends you a photograph of himself or herself that looks like something from a glamour magazine;

Claims to be from the U.S. and is traveling or working overseas;

Makes plans to visit you but is then unable to do so because of a tragic event; or

Asks for money for a variety of reasons (travel, medical emergencies, hotel bills, hospitals bills for child or other relative, visas or other official documents, losses from a financial setback or crime victimization).

Be Safe,
Having quite a bit of knowledge in cyber security, here are some indicators to look for: only one photo or multi photos that don't match stated things in profiles. ie elegant pictures with low income or pictures that don't appear to match age. Excessive income for job or geographic area, immediately providing or asking for phone numbers or email address. Poor grammer and / or spelling for stated geographic or education level. Not responding to the things you talk about in your sent messages. Seeming over eager to say they like you or want marriage. Be safe out there :)
I have seen both sides...being a guy and hanging with CO workers and friends...I realize guys are insensitive to the way women think...guys are your face bold...women are sensitive,nurturers ...they are trained from a young age to believe in fairy tales...Cinderella,Prince charming,...2.1 kids..white picket fence and happily ever after
I guess it's what a person individually is willing to accept as a moral compass...if you are looking in the mirror and you do the opposite of what you want...then you get what you open yourself to.
I tend to agree with the commentary... Scammers have a agenda to part you from your money..lets face it...easiest way to do it is through flattery...if it smells like a fish it likely is...use common sense...when it comes to choosing someone...matters of the heart can wait until they prove themselves humble opinion...for what it's worth...scott
That's you one who are fake !!!
doh Real men do not tel you sweet bull all the time. So if u need that you have a problem. How can a man make u a compiment if he doesn`t know you. If you need a guy telling you how beautiful u re and blah blah blah you have a problem not the men. Only men that only ant money or into your pants would act like that.
real Men tell you the truth , mean men tell you what u want to hear . doh you have to be very naiv to think if a guy stars telling u all those sweet words and he never ever met you and spend time with u in person that this guy is worth a dime! Those are the first I block!rolling on the floor laughing
I love this. Its so true. Scammers are so romantic. And I'm also rmantic so they fall for me too. But no one gets hurt at the end. hug
only in few words. The scammers are very polite and complinetary, because they want to cover whatever they have in the back of their mind. Although they are intelligent with good experience, it is very easy to uncover them, by "accepting" what they say and asking them questions like, if you were a district attorney, i.e. to make them to believe you that you are willing to do what they really want you to do. Then you learn everything from them. Have you ever thought that lady professor couldever be a scammer? was found by me that a gorgeous and very polite lady professor was a scammer? Incredible but true. I dialled the phone number of the University, that I found on the Internet. Then, I called the local police.
Just looking through some of the pictures on web search -> "romance scammer pictures", I saw some of those pics on here in new members and photo gallery.
I am kind of familiar with scammers, as 15 have tried to get money from me in 1 way or another. I like to believe many people are honest and give most people a chance, until that 1 email that actually asks for the money.

The least amount asked for has $200, back in 2006(I think). The highest amount was $9000. Many claim to live in America on their profile, then after a few emails you learn they are not really here. I have had mostly diff types of attempts on me, though some did try the same thing that another already tried.

The quick ones will ask for money, telling you something happened right away. One was visiting a country selling her goods there and got kidnapped, and told to get so much for her release. The slow ones will create a long lasting type of relationship and then ask for help in getting over to America.

One asked me to help send money to her friend, but he lived in a country that doesn't have wire transfers, so she wanted to send the money to my back account. Another didn't speak English and needed to use a translator which costs so much per email. After 5 months she disappeared.

The biggest one (I kind of remember) was a dating site, that cost a huge amount $150 for a month or two. They matched you up with someone that was compatible (so they thought). That person took a week to reply to anything they sent her. She never posted a picture with the site, so when we exchanged pics after 2 weeks, I got nothing. After about 4 to 5 weeks they sent a list of "must have/cant stand". When I filled it out for the exchange, she quit, and I lost anytime I had. Scam by the web site.

After the first few, I asked on the forums, and someone sent a link filled with thousands of pictures of "Known" scammers. I matched each picture I had on that site, and saw them all on there. This is just 1 of many such sites

As I was on about 2-3 diff dating sites back early 2000's I told all of those sites about the scamming, and started joining more sites and letting them know also. Eventually some of them started letting their customers know too, though some did not.
As someone who gets maybe 5 - 10 scam emails a week, we can do better in spotting the fakes. Let's see..,

Every 4th or 6th word has a random capital letter. Red Flag

The words GOD LOVE not only appear over and over, but often in capitals too. Red Flag

The flowers they sent say, I love your profile tell me more. Red Flag (esp when the profile says, am not looking).

You have no picture posted but the email they sent says I love your picture. Red Flag

You have never heard of them before, but the very first email from them contains a yahoo or gmail or cell phone address you should contact them at right away. Red Flag

You google the good looking photo in their profile and it comes back to an Internet porn star or a Bollywood Actor. Red Flag

You take a random 30 character string from the text of their last email to you and google it. You find 300 other folk who have received identical word for word matches to all of the emails the person sent you on a Romance Scams website. Red Flag

You google the area code of the cell phone of this new person living only 3 states away from you, but it comes back as being an area code used in Antigua or Kosovo. Red Flag

Since you stupidly gave them your name, phone number and mailing address with just a few emails, they send you a certified check for $400,000 and ask you to send them only $2,000 back by Western Union right away but tell you to please invest the rest for them and by the way, you can keep $20,000 as a fee. Red Flag <The check is fake. It will bounce in a month or two and then you will owe whatever you spent, plus whatever the bank or the local court charges you.>

Her credit card just got wiped by the X Ray scanner at the airport and the hotel won't let her spend the night without a valid credit card. Please, please, tell her your credit card number, experation date and the CVS Code. She will pay you cash when she arrives. Red Flag

BTW, he owns a small company and has been buying some equipment for his company, but needs an Agent in your country to handle the shipping details. Would you consider working for him part time as his trusted agent, receiving packages in your home, then re-shipping them to addresses he supplies you? Red Flag
The packages were brought with stolen credit card numbers online, shipped to you and now you are transiting the stolen goods in both intra and and inter state commerce. Good luck in court.

By the second or third letter the word LOVE starts appearing and the greeting has changed from Hi Jane to Dearest Beloved Soul Mate Of My Heart. Red Flag

The phrase 'soul mate' appears 3 or more times in their profile. Red Flag

My personal favorite: according to her profile, she is 22 years old, has kids who are grown and have left the nest, she is 6'9" tall, has completed her Doctorate Degree and works as a surgeon. Red Flag

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