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The Client

A lawyer calls his largest client to his office for an important meeting.

When he arrives, the lawyer says to the wealthy art collector client, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The client grumbles, "I've had an awful day. Tell me the good news."

"Your wife invested $50,000 in two pictures today. She believes they are worth at least $10 million."

"Well done!" the tycoon says with a big smile. "Good news indeed! You've made my day.

So what's the bad news?"


"The two pictures are of you with your secretary.


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Truisms

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?"


"That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"


St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."


"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.
St. Peter replied, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."





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Dear God,

Last month you took my favorite musician Prince. Last week you took my favorite boxer Muhammed Ali. This week you took my favorite hockey player, Gordie Howe.I just want to let you know that my favorite presidential candidate is Hillary Clinton.

Sincerely yours,



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Birthday Suprise Joke

Benny decided to buy a present for his Uncle Sam’s birthday, so with his older brother’s help he bought a present, gift wrapped it, and brought it over to his uncle. His uncle, knowing that Benny’s father manufactured apple juice, and seeing a wet spot on the bottom corner of the box, decided to have some fun with Benny by trying to guess what was in the box. “Hmm” said Uncle Sam, dipping his finger on the wet spot and taking a quick taste, “I’m going to guess it’s a case of apple juice.” “No” said Benny jumping up and down clearly enjoying the game. “Not apple juice?” Said Uncle Sam clearly surprised. After another quick taste and a brief pause he guessed again “is it apple cider?” “No,” said Benny practically squealing in excitement “IT’S A PUPPY!”




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AND THEY WONDER WHY WE ARE ANGRY?

Harold was a bright child. He grew up in America. He went to school and had a bright future ahead of him.

Harold was full of life but was cut short in a violent moment. While few people had ever heard of Harold before his death, many did afterward. And in death, something very shocking happened. What was so shocking, especially when it is compared to the death of someone else recently in the news?

Harold was Harold Greene, Major General, United States Army.

On Aug. 5, 2014, Major General Greene was killed by a Taliban terrorist. He was returned to America with full military honors.

It has been a tradition that the president attends the funeral of general and flag officers killed in the line of duty.
Richard Nixon attended the funeral of a major general killed in Vietnam and George W. Bush attended the funeral of Lieutenant General Timothy Maude, who was killed in the 9/11 attacks.
While Major General Greene was buried, Barack Obama was golfing.
The vice president wasn't there either.
Neither was the secretary of defense.
Flags were not even lowered to half staff.

Four days after Harold Greene gave his life for America, Michael Brown was killed in Ferguson, Missouri.
Brown was at best a thug. In the minutes before his death, he committed a robbery at a local convenience store.
According to other reports, Brown struck Officer Darren Wilson and shattered his orbital bone.

Obama sent a three-person delegation to Brown's funeral! Obama would not attend the funeral of the highest ranking military officer killed in the line of duty since 9/11, yet he sent a delegation to the funeral of a thug.

When Margaret Thatcher, one of America's staunchest allies and Ronald Reagan's partner in bringing down Soviet communism, died, Obama sent only a small low-level delegation to her funeral.

The snub was not missed by the British.

When Chris Kyle, the most lethal American sniper in history was murdered, there was no expression of sympathy from the White House.

But when Whitney Houston died from drug overdose, Obama ordered all flags be flown at half mast.

There was no White House delegation at the funeral of an American hero.
American heroes die and Obama goes to the golf course.
A thug dies and he gets a White House delegation.

No wonder most "REAL" Americans hold Obama in such contempt, especially members of our Military.

And the only difference between Obama and Hillary is that she doesn't play golf.
frustrated
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ME

I AM SWEET, KIND, LOVABLE, SHY AND INNOCENT....OH WHAT THE HEY....STOP LAUGHING FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!


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All Ears

Motivational speaker Paul Meyer cannot remember a single time when his father forgave anyone—not even his own sister. She had immigrated to America and lived just forty miles away, but one day she made a comment about Paul’s ears being large. From that moment, Paul recalls, his dad refused to talk to her. “For 35 years, despite the fact that she lived close by and that she was my father’s only relative in this country, he never spoke to her again.”

If that story shocks you, remember the grudge you currently have against someone. Perhaps the offense is greater than a comment about someone’s ears. Perhaps the duration of the grudge hasn’t gone on 35 years. But whenever we harbor resentment in our hearts, a root of bitterness springs up to trouble many.

Offended pride has destroyed many friendships. If someone has offended you, tell the Lord about it, pray for the other person, ask God for the grace to forgive, and turn the anger over to the Lord. If you are angry with someone today, slay that giant with forgiveness.

Forgiveness has an uncanny way of bringing incredible good out of incredibly bad situations. It’s amazing—nothing less than a miracle.
Paul J. Meyer
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One Liners

2. The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

3. Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.

4. It's funny how all trust goes away when you can't find the remote. ''Are you sitting on the remote?'' No. ''Stand up''.

5. Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!

7. God is really creative, I mean...just look at me.

9. When I drink alcohol... Everyone says I'm alcoholic. But... When I drink Fanta.. No one says I'm fantastic.

10. Why do parents get so upset about little things like darn I left a plate in the sink...not a dead body.

11. Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.

12. They say "don't drink and drive". Well.... yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I'm a badass.

13. That moment when a question on a test is so hard that even your inner voice is like "the hell with this crap lets work at McDonald's".

14. Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money. :).

15. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

16. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.

17. I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

18. I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.

19. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

20. When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.

21. The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

22. One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.

24. Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

25. I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

26. Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

27. The only reason God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.

28. People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

29. When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.

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Happy Birthday Enigma

Enigma's birthday is tomorrow, June 11. Let's all join in and wish her a very happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Enigma! May you have many, many more!happy birthday cake party party hat danceline reunion cartwheel cartwheel cartwheel

God bless you!
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What keeps CS together?

Why do you keep coming back to this CS website? Is it the comradery? Hoping to meet your soul mate? Getting info about other parts of the world? Or, are you lonely and looking for someone to talk too?

Would like everyone's input!

Thank you!thumbs up
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Patton and his wife

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Patton said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

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Water

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?" Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?" Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

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