Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar. Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him. “So what would you like?” Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him. “Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, “I guess I’ll take the same thing as you.” “OK” said Harry to the bartender, “we’ll take two Johnny Walker’s on the rocks!” Barbara barely took a sip of the drink before she started gagging “Oh my gosh! Get me a cup of water! This stuff is horrible! How do you drink this garbage?”
“See?” said Harry “and you think I come here just to have a good time?!“
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
What is the most important thing in your life? Is it your husband/wife, bf/gf, family and which member/s, friends, your job, pets or anything else?
Would you like to share this with your blog family?
I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next".
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
USA Today has come out with a new survey. Apparently three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
And the best one is:
Hurricanes are like women! When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
When little Johnny was in the fifth grade he looked downcast, so his teacher asked, "What's the problem, Johnny, I hope it's not homework again"?
"Well, uh, yes it is", replied Johnny. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane".
"Johnny, you're right that wasn't a very bright thing to do", said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in".
"Oh, but that won't work", said Johnny, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked".
I COULD WATCH THIS ALL DAY !
This "story" is only 5 seconds. Caution, do not click the start button while sipping your coffee.
MOHAMAD THE SKATEBOARDER
Praise Allah!
Ole and Lars are walking down a street in Minocqua WI, when they see a sign on a store that reads, "suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair.Ole says to his pal Lars, "Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take 'em back to Dulute, sell 'em to our friends, 'n make a fortune. Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do DA talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we're ignorant 'n try to cheat us. No way, dey'll know we're from Minnesota. They go in and Ole says with his best "Wisconsin" accent, "I'll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, > 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and…” The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota, ain't you?""Vell...yeah," says a surprised Ole. "How'd ya know dat?"
"Because this is a Dry Cleaners..."
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way:
“Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
“You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
”NAH,” he replied, “I'm just a crappy golfer.”
The idea is to die young as late as possible
Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.
Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)
Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.
Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".
We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.
You only live once! So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied,"in-laws."
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