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Need Some Computer Help

Recently a friend of mine used my computer and let my locked mouse out! I have an external mouse that I use. I want to disable the internal mouse on my laptop. I have tried to disable the mouse, short of shooting my computer,blushing Can anyone tell me how to do it?

Thanks for your help!wave
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The Way Some People Think

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.


I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the
way much faster now.




You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they
are holding a gun, she's probably pretty upset.




Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they
drink like their fathers.




You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like
someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.




I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word
"premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.




I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.




I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it
the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.




Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for
murderers. If you find one, what's your plan?




Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
laugh laugh
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Bad Things To Tell Your Wife

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live ?pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”






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Unhappy Golfer

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with." He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."

He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy...My knees itch."
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Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to one's eyes…crying
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The New Boss (True Story)

If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and
thinking things through, you will love this.
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake up, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of
workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay.
Now GET OUT and don’t come back!!”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

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An Old Geezer

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!!

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Lake-Fake-A-Hachee

WHAT YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO!

Pay attention....this could be you....!

A few years ago, I moved into a retirement development on
Florida 's southwest coast. I am living in the "Manasota/Englewood Beach Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club
on Lake Fake-a-Hachee".

There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

My biggest retirement concern was time management. What was I going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.

My days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of the car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where I parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: I get up at 5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Gas-Passers Club.

There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, I go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

I go directly to the pool for my underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before I know
it, it's time for lunch.

I go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if I
don't have any doctor appointments, I might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.

I am usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but I get there by
3:45 because I am a late eater.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
I can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm I am home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm
I am fast asleep. Then I get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of my retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until I am connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget I am holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

(continued in comment section)
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Memorial Day, USA

Being a former US Marine, I would like to thank all of the veterans for serving their respective countries! Monday, May 25, is Memorial Day in the US. It is a time of remembrance for all military men and women who served their countries faithfully and many who paid the ultimate price with their lives!

God bless all of you!

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What's In A Name

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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Dunk the Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a baptism along the river bank. The drunk stumbles into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the heavy smell of alcohol, disgusted, he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk shouts, “Yes, oi am.”

So the preacher grabs him by his shirt collar and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back up and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, oi haven’t found Jesus!”

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, “Have you found Jesus, me brother?”

The drunk answers, “No, oi haven’t found Jesus!”

The preacher frowns and decides to dunk the drunk man again… this time the preacher holds him down for a good 30 or 40 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God man, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in”?

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I Like This

Lisa Beamer was on Good Morning America - If you remember, she's the widow of Todd Beamer, who said 'Let's Roll!' and helped take down the plane over Pennsylvania that was heading for Washington, DC back on 9/11.

She said it's the little things that she misses most about Todd, such as hearing the garage door open as he came home, and her children running to meet him.

Lisa recalled this story: "I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insight with a classroom of students. As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things a side on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, 'Class is over, I would like to share with all of you, a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.

Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God's way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day. Her eyes were beginning to water as she went on; 'So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see, it could be a scent, perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted.

The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we all overlook.

Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double dip ice cream cone. For as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do .

If you like this, please pass it on to a friend. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

GOD Bless you every day of your life! The nicest place to be is in someone's thoughts! The safest place to be is in someone's prayers, and the very best place to be is....In the hands of God!

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!


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The Duck

A duck walks into a restaurant around lunchtime, sits down and orders a soda and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, a talking duck! What are you doing here?"

The duck replies, "I'm dry-walling the building across the street. I'll be in town for a few days."

The next day, the duck walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Hey duck, I was telling someone about you last night. They're really interested in meeting with you!"

"Is that so?"

"There's a travelling circus in town," the bartender explained. "The ringmaster was in here last night and thought you'd be a star attraction for them!"

The duck looked puzzled and says, "Why would a circus need a dry-Waller?"


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