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GentlejimGentlejim Blog (705)

4,176 Blog Comments705 Blog705 Blogs96 Forums26 Quizzes7 Threads

5 lessons

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor

Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student

And had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?


I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

The last question would count toward our quiz grade.


"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,

You will meet many people. All are significant...They

Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

Is smile and say "hello."


I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her

Name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night at 11:30 p.m., an older African American

Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway

Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally

Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man

Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

Put her into a taxicab.


She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a

Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A

Special note was attached.


It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

The other night. The rain drenched not only my

Clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

Husband's bedside just before he passed away. God

Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving

Others."


Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.


3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those

Who serve.


In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

Front of him.


"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.


The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and

Studied the coins in it.


"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.


By now more people were waiting for a table and the

Waitress was growing impatient.


"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.


The little boy again counted his coins.


"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.


The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on

The table and walked away. The boy finished the ice

Cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress

Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the

Table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,

Were two nickels and five pennies.


You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had

To have enough left to leave her a tip.


(Continuation)
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Some Thoughts

Answering machine message,
"I am not available right now,
But thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some
changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."

~~~~~

My wife and I had words,
but I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses
without your glasses.
~~~~~

Blessed are those who can
give without remembering
and take without forgetting.
~~~~~

The irony of life is that,
by the time you're old enough
to know your way around,
you're not going
anywhere.
~~~~~

God made man before woman
so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question.
~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my
elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
~~~~~


Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
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What Causes Arthritis?

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father..I was just reading here that the Pope does."




MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Flies

The husband was in the kitchen killing flies. The wife walks into the kitchen and says to the husband.."what are you doing"? He replies.."killing flies". Well she says, "how many have you killed"? "Five" he says, "three females and two males". The wife says..."how do you know you killed three females and two males"? He says..."easy, three flies were on the phone and two were on the beer can"!laugh rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Feeling Sick

Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to puke. “No problem dear,” whispered his Mom in his ear, “just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there.” Thirty seconds later Bob came back. “Did you go to the bathroom?” question his Mom. “No need” responded Bob. “Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it ‘for the sick’, so I just did it in there!”



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Important Facts To Remember

Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older:

Number 7 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 6 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 5 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 4 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 3 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 2 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 1 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.


...and as someone recently said to me:

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.



yay yay
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The Great White Throne

And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened.
Revelation 20:12

Recommended Reading
Revelation 20:11-15
Anyone who has sat in a courtroom awaiting a verdict knows the stress of the moment. Innocent or guilty? Life or death? Tension fills the courtroom like electrical voltage as the jury renders its decision and the judge pronounces the sentence.


What, then, will it be like at the Great White Throne? God will have a complete record of every moment of everyone's life, everything done publicly and privately. This will be the ultimate test for those who believe their good works will get them into heaven. No one has lived a perfect or sinless life; no one's works will be sufficient. Whether we view our lives as good or bad, without Christ there is only condemnation.

That's why Christ came to save us. His blood shields us, for "there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). Becoming a Christian means we no longer gain salvation by our works but by grace. The only way to pass from death to life -- to bypass the Great White Throne Judgment -- is through faith in Christ.

How much better to know Him as Savior than to meet Him as Judge!

A great white throne: Great, because of the causes that will be decided there ... white, because of its immaculate purity ... a throne, because a King will sit there.
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Driver's Education?

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver,an older, obviously confused, lady, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty- two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer", says the old woman, "We just got off Route 119."

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave wave wave
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Secret To A Happy Marriage!

Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips…………. and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”


wave wave wave
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Political

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Senator.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

We used to have Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

The recession is getting so bad, the bank sent me a new type of credit card. It was pre-declined.rolling on the floor laughing

Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney? A: "Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too"rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Everyone enjoy their day!thumbs up
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy birthday Angelpepper!party balloons cake dancing danceline elephant happy birthday
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Flying

Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines. He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a dog in a cage. “Excuse me,” said Joe “dogs are not allowed on board, you have to check it in with the baggage.” The lady wasn’t happy, but Joe was an experienced steward and succeeded in convincing the lady without much of a scene. Upon arrival, Joe took a peek in the cage, and to his great surprise, saw that the dog was dead! Frantic that they may get sued, Joe quickly sent one of his underlings out to town to buy a dog that looked exactly the same. Just in the nick of time the underling arrived with the dog They quickly switched dogs and breathed a sigh of relief. “This isn’t my dog!” said the lady as soon as she saw it. “I’m sure it is” insisted Joe “I was very careful about where I put it.” “It’s not my dog” argued the lady, “you see, I was bringing my dog to my home town to have him buried, and this dog is alive!”

Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the N.Y. Times, so please…..” There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Have a great week!wave wave wave
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