Catfoot Blog

Putting Paid To BBQ Fires

“Come, I want to show you something,” said the salesman as he parked the one-tonne demo model pick-up truck in the parking lot of a busy shopping center. He left the engine running. He led me to the back of the pick-up truck, took a coin out his pocket, inserted it in a slot on the freight deck, gave it a half-turn and lifted a panel to reveal a BBQ grid.

“See,” he continued while he produced a parcel with four mutton chops and a few pieces of sausage which he laid out on the grill, “you only need to flip this lever here to divert the exhaust gas through the heat exchanger below and you have enough heat to BBQ your meat.”

He fetched two ice-cold beers from a cooler box and we stood there sipping beers while the meat sizzled on the artificial fire and the shoppers looked at us curiously. Then the police arrived and a sergeant informed us that we may not make fires in the parking lot. The salesman proudly explained the cooking process to the bamboozled servant of the law.

“So what do you think?” the salesman asked me after the law had left. “I don’t know, “I said reluctantly, “I don’t need a pick-up truck with a built-in BBQ. I already have a truck.”

“But it is not a truck with a BBQ,” he retorted, “It is a mobile BBQ capable of transporting goods.”

“That’s brilliant! I never thought of it in that way,” I said as I reached for the pen and the sales contract, seeing the new laptop I plan to buy flying out the window.

Then I hear the piercing noise coming from somewhere and as I reach out to silence it, I wake up and realize that I’m only dreaming. And I sat there rubbing my eyes while the insanity of sleeping ebbs out my numbed brain.

Eish! The shit I can dream. And we never got around to eating that meat!

Have a great day!

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Sep 2019
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Pardon Me For Saying So.

This is not the first time that a disgruntled member or ex-member took to stirring shit from another site. About five years ago somebody did the same, only he opted for YouTube signing in with his Google account instead of Twitter. I was the main objective of his rage. He also had a fan base here who spurred him on; some of them are still here and we're friends today. I did not get abusive when some people supported my foe. I just had to endure it. Besides, one or two of the current victims were my foe's supporters so I see this as some form of Karma.

When I finally learned about the ‘plot’ against me I took him on where he was slinging his mud from but he simply deleted my retorts and it left me powerless. Then I did what I should have done in the first place. I ignored him. For all I care he may still be doing it; I don’t know and I don’t care.

What is happening here now is polarising the blogs and exactly what our ghostwriter wants. I believe some of us know his/her identity, some have a very good idea and others are grasping around in the dark but it does not matter. The point is, he or she is out of reach. I don’t know when last one of you had taken an overseas resident to court but I can almost guarantee you that you will cripple yourself financially in the process and in the end only two attorneys will make money. They won’t touch such a case without a huge sum upfront, so don’t even think in that direction.

Resorting to foul language, name-calling, and idle threats is not on and just an indication that you are at the end of your tether. So come on, be realistic. Fighting fire with fire here is not going to help. And we're not in Grade 2 anymore. Pulling hair and sticking out tongues are way beyond us now. For somebody who normally deals with problems as they raise their heads, this may seem like strange advice coming from me but ignore our ghostwriter. He or she will get tired of it sooner or later. And don't take it personal if some of us find this funny; these are the blogs. Learn to laugh at yourself, it is much more rewarding.

Let's get our blogs back to what it was a week or two ago.

This blog has done its work and I'm going to block it now.

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Sep 2019
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Aren’t They Cute?

When scientists sequenced the chimp genome in 2005, it confirmed that chimpanzees are our closest living relatives. Of course, they’re cute; they look like us. They have big ears like the Europeans, long toes like the English, a bad accent like the French, small noses like the Africans, short legs like the Japanese, large testicles like the Russians, small dícks like the Australians and an IQ to match the Americans.

These clever animals can be taught to use tools to build their own shelters and we like to think of them as cute and huggable but those who think they are peace-loving creatures will have another think coming.

The truth is that they are cruel and aggressive fighters that form gangs to plunder neighboring tribes in search of food, females and/or territory, leaving behind only devastation and maimed opponents. Any infant chimps taken with their mothers during such a raid are simply killed and sometimes eaten.

It is estimated that as much as 50% of all male chimpanzees are being hunted down by other males and killed. And they do not only fight neighboring tribes, they also form factions within their own tribe and kill one another. Such killings normally happen to settle leadership and/or mating rights.

When we compare chimpanzee behavior with human behavior it is easy to believe that chimpanzees share more than 98% of their DNA with us. And it is even easier to see where our willingness to kill and to wage war comes from.

Still think they're cute?

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Sep 2019
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Never A Dull Moment In The Blogs.

Chat had toasted English muffins, Dung… oops sorry I meant Dongg make girl laugh, Unfayzed is going with the flow, 1_Spectr is on a ‘Save-The-World’ crusade and missChelli wants to be happy ever after.

On the other side of the Atlantic Lojac failed to update his diary for a few days while Caprikious appears to be the expert on lies and deception, Nice2meetyou informed one and all about their civil rights, Robrt told us what he observed while walking in the park, BadlyDrawn is exercising his right arm to bear, Miclee warns us of the impending doom, Itchy is in disagreement, and one can only hope that Chat does not go needling everybody once he’s found what he was looking for in the haystack.

Back in England

Hoober announced his intentions not to announce anything, Oldie is searching for a lost love, Willy did a survey on suicides, Faveer declared his availability to all girls, Agentbob brought us a badly ~~drawn~~written SciFi screenplay – or so he wants us to believe; methinks it is a coded message, Faveer tried to get a foothold in the local drug trade while a confused Batman feels out of place.

Willy stated a fact about ASSumptions, Moelle has a pain in the knee where it is not fatty, Yonic is confusing reality with a dream, Daniela explains the perception of perfection and Pedro entertained us with two very interesting polls. All these on page one, free of politics, religion, or death notices… and then we still have Molly, Mercedes, Mischief, LucyMaud, Proc, Bnaugty, and a few others to make things more interesting. On top of all that, we still have Redex, Jenny, GoldenGloss, VK and a few others in reserve.

Then some people still want to complain that there is nothing to read in the blogs while I’m sulking because somebody was kicked in the nuts. Hmm, but that is politics, isn’t it?

True! Where is Kalpataru?

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Sep 2019
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Sulking Lovers

Sulking is a nurtured anger combined with a refusal to discuss the cause of that anger. When we sulk we need our partners to understand and to refrain from doing anything to get us out of it.

(We're not talking about chronic sulkers today and I'm concentrating on sulks where the anger was not caused by the partner but by an external source, maybe work-related, and as such not aimed at the partner. Although the sulker needs time to work out the anger alone, he/she may not need or want to be alone.)

Do you get uptight or worried when your partner goes into a sulk? Don't. You should feel honored when at the receiving end of a sulk. It means that your partner trusts you enough to believe that you understand his or her unspoken hurt without having to explain it. That is one of the gifts of love.

Sulking can be traced back to our earliest childhoods; the silent understanding. In the womb, we never had to explain. Our every need was catered for and this continued well into our first few carefree years. We didn’t have to ask; caring and loving grown-ups guessed what we needed. They found the reasons for our discomforts while we were unable to put it to words.

That is probably why even the most eloquent among us may prefer not to spell things out when our partners fail to understand us properly. Only when we don’t have to explain do we feel certain that we are properly understood and only then do we believe that our partners fully understand us.

We may be adults living in an adult world but deep inside we remain infants; needing our partners to be our parents. We need them to correctly guess what is troubling us, as our parents did when we were babies; the time when our concepts of love were first formed.

We do our sulking lovers the greatest possible favor when we are able to handle their tantrums as we would handle those of an infant.

Now don't sulk; here is a banana for you.

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Sep 2019
in Dating & Relationships
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No Such Thing as a Good Dog

People often tell me how lucky I am to have such a good dog but they’re wrong; there is no luck involved. My dog’s good temperament is the product of years of work. And if more people understood this, more people would have had ‘good’ dogs.

I’ve put a lot of effort into exposing him to other dogs, kids, loud motorcycles, noisy power tools, popping fireworks, loud music, and many other disturbances when he was still a puppy; and took him for regular rides in my car. I allowed him to see, hear, smell and feel these influences at his own terms and it paid off. He is comfortable with such disturbances around him and he loves kids.

It is easy to train a puppy. He responds to his name, you give him a treat. He comes when you call him, you give him a treat. He sits when he’s told, you give them a treat. And after a few months, you have a dog that knows simple commands. But this is when many fall off the bus. You have to keep it up as your dog matures. You have to keep your dog stimulated and it also helps him to keep up with you as circumstances change. A dog's training never stops.

A dog needs plenty of love and attention. When given enough of that, he will bend sideways trying to please you. He will protect you with his life… or lose it in an effort to do so.

Regular exercise is another must for your dog. A restless dog is often a sign of not enough exercising. When the weather allows it, I walk instead of driving the 2 km to the supermarket. He knows that he may not go into the shopping center but he also knows where to wait for me. That took a bit of training but eventually, he did learn to wait until I returned. He understands that the word ‘wait’ means that I’ll come back for him.

So, a ‘good’ dog is not the result of some lucky genetic draw; a dog requires a good owner and a lot of work to make him a ‘good’ dog.

So have you taken your dog for his walky, walky today?

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Sep 2019
in Animals
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Keeping It Up

It is easy to start something new. Anybody can become an entrepreneur, singer, writer, designer, illustrator or whatever. But few can keep it going.

Many people start businesses but they don’t exist after a year or two. It appears that people put too much emphasis on starting something and do not always know how to keep it going. Look at our aspirant writers; they start off at breakneck speed; writing for days, weeks or even months. Then, suddenly they drop everything to do something else and blame it to a lack of inspiration but that is not it. The truth is they don’t know what to do next.

Most of our stress is born from the uncertainty of the future. What will happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year? Friends and family can spend the entire day to convince you that the world will not end tomorrow but you won’t listen to a single word if you are in the wrong frame of mind. The answer is to concentrate on the present. Think about what to do next. Not next as in the next few months but next such as in immediately now. Forget about the past and disregard the future. Make the best of NOW! So okay, maybe the world will end tomorrow but don’t waste your time on shit you cannot control.

Don’t set goals that you cannot achieve on your own. You don’t want other people to control your destiny. It is your life; drive it yourself. Don’t give the wheel to somebody else. Focus on the things you can control. Be flexible. Shift the goalposts if you must. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Keep on experimenting and adjusting. If it does not work you can always fall back to the old ways. The secret is to keep going, never to let up.

Now make your day worth the while.

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Sep 2019
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The Prodigal Son

I was almost converted when I read the chronicles of the prodigal son. He must have loved it to read his own eulogy and was probably getting dressed to attend his own funeral when a sorceress resurrected him. A perfect example of how the result can justify the method.

And when I speculate about the (self-imposed??) exile in Babylon I get no wiser. It is hard to discern who is following the script and who is playing by ear. I detect a smokescreen here and cannot help to wonder if the accomplice is part of the setup or if she is just being played as well.

I would have placed my own

on the tombstone... had I not known for a fact that the prodigal son had access to an internet-connected device on Friday, August 23 which casts serious doubts over a lot of things in and around the confessions of both the sorceress as well as the accomplice. But then, was she (the accomplice) in the loop? Knowing the extent of his imagination, nothing is impossible. I think we all remember some previous attempts at gaining attention and sympathy.

About the Internet appearance on the 23rd, it is a pity that I did not bother to retain a copy of the now destroyed blog. But I believe enough people read it. A few even commented on the immorality of the contents. Of course it was him, or otherwise, he has a very good copycat on his tail and I don’t believe that.

So now all we need to do is to wait for the prodigal son to return so we can feast on the fatted calf.

But then all this is just speculation, conjecture and/or opinion.

This blog is a script I'm writing for TV and is, in its entirety, is a figment of my imagination. Any resemblance to any place or person, dead or alive, is either by fluke or absolutely deliberate. If you see yourself here, give me a tinkle so we can arrange for an audition. Stick around - I'll make you famous.

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Aug 2019
in Opinionated
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Are You Getting Leftovers?

How would you react if you were to learn that somewhere along the way the delivery man opened the take-away that you ordered and helped himself to a bite?

In a survey done by US Foods, 54% of the about 500 food delivery drivers who were polled admitted that they are often tempted by the great smell of their deliveries while almost 30% admitted to succumbing to the temptation.

During a subsequent survey, about 1500 customers who order food through apps such as DoorDash, Postmates, Grubhub, and UberEats were informed about the possibility of their food being tampered with. In their statement they - US Foods - said: "We're sorry to report that sometimes, impulse gets the best of deliverers, and they violate their sacred duty by taking some of the food!"

Some 10% of the customers responded that it is no big deal if the fella helped himself to one or two potato chips while the vast majority were in agreement that it was totally unacceptable. Most of them suggested some tamperproof means to seal the food parcels.

If you make use of such a service how sure are you that your orders arrive intact? Or is there some mechanism in place to protect your food from hungry scavengers? And finally, how would you feel knowing that somebody had been sampling your food?

How about getting some take-aways delivered for tonight?

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Aug 2019
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Been Smoking Recently?

Today it is two years since I stopped smoking. Or maybe I should rather say that I have not smoked for two years - I’m not sure if I really have stopped. I still crave for a cigarette every day.

I’m done with tobacco but I don’t know if tobacco is done with me yet. The truth is that I have a love/hate relationship with tobacco and this is the sixth time that I have ‘stopped smoking’ during the last thirty years. The previous attempts lasted for 5 years, 2 years, 2 years, 1 year and 1 year respectively. And then there were at least ten other attempts that did not last for three months so not even worth counting.

Actually, it had never been difficult to stop. I only need to get my head right. The problem is to keep it up. And I always start smoking again in the same way; a good party, a few brandies; I light a few cigarettes for somebody and before the party ends I’ll bum a cigarette off somebody. On my way home I’ll buy a packet.

I’m doing it slightly differently this time, so I hope to win this time around. I don’t try to avoid smokers and their smoke and I keep a few cigarettes in my house at all times. If my friends smoke them all, I simply buy another packet. This way I feel that I’m in control and not the cigarette. A few times I was very tempted but I managed to resist the craving and hopefully, no party will twist my arm this time, no matter how good it is.

Strangely, it was so much easier to stop drinking. I gave up drinking forty years ago and I’m so happy about that, I celebrate it with a few stiff brandies whenever the occasion arises.

Have a great day out there!

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Aug 2019
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Women As Defined By Geography

If women were landscapes – not as in paintings, the real thing - where would they be? And when will they be there? The only way I can think of is to assign them by age.

Age 13 – 20
She is in Africa; partly explored and partly virgin.

Age 21 – 30
She is in America; fully developed and in her prime.

Age 31 – 35
She is in India; hot, wise and beautiful.

Age 36 – 40
She is in France; half destroyed by the war but still desirable.

Age 41 – 50
She is in Germany; lost the war but is still hopeful.

Age 51 – 60
She is in Russia; majestic and strong but too mysterious.

Age 61 – 70
She is in England; a glorious past but no future.

After 70,
She is in Australia; everyone knows where she is, but no one ever goes there.

I suppose this will have to do but I can foresee many ladies ending up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Somehow the age of a woman is not relative to her birth date. They have some other formula to calculate age.

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Aug 2019
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Relationship Killers

Some problems in relationships can be tackled as a couple but some problems are a lot harder to solve. In fact, some of the relationship problems listed here just can’t be fixed. Look for the symptoms early in a relationship. The longer you wait to fix or terminate, the harder it becomes.

No Respect For Each Other
This is probably the number one reason for failed relationships. It manifests itself by contempt, finger-pointing, sarcasm and so forth. If both partners are unwilling to compromise, things will get worse until there is no coming back.

Needless Arguments
There will be times when you disagree on an issue. Agree to disagree. No one wins when one of you always has to be right.

Chronic Infidelity
Nothing can be more exhausting in a relationship than a serial cheater. Such a relationship can be repaired but only if the unfaithful partner is prepared to leave the affair behind.

Secrecy
We all need time apart but what we do in our free time shouldn’t be some great mystery. There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy. Too much secrecy leaves you feeling emotionally abandoned. A relationship needs sharing and openness.

Incompatible Sex Drives
A mutually fulfilling sex life is incredibly important in a long-term relationship. You should establish your sexuaI compatibility early on; it cannot be fixed later.

Not Able To Open Up To Each Other
If one of you prefers to keep your emotions bottled up, you will end up distancing yourself from your partner, giving up prematurely.

An Avoidant Partner
If your partner is avoiding and dismissive it’s going to be difficult. It can turn a calm and self-assured person into a bundle of neediness.

Narcissism
Maintaining a relationship with a narcissistic partner is an uphill battle. It is not uncommon for the narcissistic partner to sometimes throw a bone here and there, giving the other partner hope but most of the time they will criticize you for making their life miserable.

If you detect any of these in yourself, start working on it... if you treasure your relationship.

Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it memorable.

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Aug 2019
in Dating & Relationships
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This is a list of Catfoot's Blogs. Click here for Catfoot's Blog List

Catfoot Blog (616)

Putting Paid To BBQ Fires

Pardon Me For Saying So.

Aren’t They Cute?

Never A Dull Moment In The Blogs.

Sulking Lovers

No Such Thing as a Good Dog

Keeping It Up

The Prodigal Son

Are You Getting Leftovers?

Been Smoking Recently?

Women As Defined By Geography

Relationship Killers

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