Catfoot Blog

The End Of The Line.

I have often wondered about my purpose here on earth; for I do believe that we are all placed here with a purpose.

I have done ok for myself and there is nothing that I need to be ashamed of in my past; yet I have achieved nothing. I have not written a song, have not published a book and have not planted a proper tree. I have not fathered a son. I have done nothing.

The day I lay my head down my name dies with me; and so does the name of my father. Of the three sons my father sired, I’m the only one still alive and none of us produced a son to carry his name forward. His branch of the bloodline ends with me.

I fathered two daughters, my next brother one and my youngest brother had no children. We were very poor in children. I wonder if it bothers him. After my last brother died in 2000, he asked me if I planned to have more children.

I think he was still hoping for a grandson then.

Sometimes you disappoint people without intending to do so.

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Feb 2014
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A Minor Error

My one friend breeds racing horses and he had imported a very expensive stallion last year. We had arranged to go see one of his fillies making a debut yesterday and when I got there he complained to me about his stallion being sick and the veterinary surgeon not having arrived since calling him earlier in the morning.

Before leaving he tried to get the vet on the phone again but only found the answering service. He left his final instructions and we departed with the horse trailer in tow.

His filly did not perform well on the track and when we got home he was not in the best of moods. When he discovered that the colt in the pen had not been castrated and his prize stallion in the stable was in a worse condition as when we left, he was livid. He asked me to phone the vet as he was liable to shout at the man.

Oh, but I was there, the vet told me on the phone, I castrated the horse in the stable but I could not find anything wrong with the colt in the pen.

That was when I hanged up the phone. I told my friend to call the vet in ten minutes, got into my car and drove home. I had nothing to do with it and friendship only goes that far.

Have a great day and don't make any silly mistakes.

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Feb 2014
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Blame the Americans (Again?)

When I heard about the earthquake in the Caribbean yesterday I thought back of our own earthquake in 1969. I was sitting in a movie house that night watching Blackbeard’s Ghost.

The Ceres earthquake remains the most destructive earthquake in South African history. It occurred on 29 September 1969 in the Ceres/Tulbagh area near Cape Town and registered 6.3 on the Richter scale. We live in a very stable region and the previous time anything remotely similar happened was in 1890.

But that was not the only thing that happened in 1969. Neil Armstrong also made his famous speech when he became the first human to step onto the lunar surface on July 21.

Back in my country the two events were quickly tied by some of the older people; and the poor Americans got the blame. Scratching in God’s territory, it was said, caused the earthquake.

I was 17 at the time and the two events were tied together for life. Every time I get to hear about an earthquake, I see an old man waving a crooked finger in the air,

blaming the Americans for yet another disaster.

They must be pretty used to it by now. Tall trees catch the most wind. I wonder what we can blame them for next.

A great day to you all.

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Feb 2014
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The Same Old Argument

Should the toilet seat be up or down?

This argument has torn families apart since the invention of the indoor toilet. Men mostly need it up while women always need it down. And since it takes approximately two seconds and zero effort to raise or lower the seat, it is clearly a matter of principle.

To look for a solution we must assume that the toilet is being used by both males and females. If not, why the hell would you be having trouble with this?

Then we have to realize then both men and women need to sit to do a #2, but only women need to sit for #1. That means that if you leave the seat up permanently, both men and women are inconvenienced, but if it's always down, only men are. Now the ladies may argue that it is best to just leave the seat down and the guys can deal with it as required.

But I do not understand why all the complications about the toilet seat. Why can’t everybody not just lift or drop the seat as needed and leave it in that position for the next person who may well be of the same gender and/or need. It will save a lot of wear and tear on the hinges.

I cannot help but wonder how does it affects the ladies if the seat is left up; for only they seem to be unhappy about the position of the toilet seat. What problems does it create?

But science gives us a much better reason to leave it up: The water in the toilet can evaporate more efficiently when the toilet seat is up. This cools the air thus helping to prevent global warming.

A scientific survey.

https://www.msu.edu/

~choijay/etiquette.pdf

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Feb 2014
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Can It Be Coincidence?

I have never applied a set of criteria when meeting a new woman. Well, at least so I thought until I took stock the other day.

I was married twice and had a few longish relationships. I was astonished when I realized how similar the women in my life were. I can include any lady who lasted more than 3 months in my statistics and come up with the same staggering similarities.

None of them smoked. All used alcohol very sparingly.
All were very neat both on their bodies and in their homes.
All were financially independent. Most were fairly honest.
None were exactly illiterate. None had exceptional academic qualifications.
All could type well. Most were computer literate.
All were intelligent, level-headed and rational women
None were blond – don’t ask me why, this was a shocker to me.
They all followed sport and could recognize individual players.
None were very religious but did go to church from time to time
All were easy going as I am. None were naggers.
Few of them looked at a lot of TV. Most of them liked reading.
All of them were kind hearted and cared about the sick and the poor.
None were obese or skinny. All were more or less cuddly.
None were really big breasted. All were 3-5 inches shorter than me.
All enjoyed fairly good health. All liked the outdoor life. None got seasick.
Most were outspoken and called a spade a spade.
Most were good conversationalists. None were introverts.
All had a good sense of humor. All could laugh at themselves.
None liked dancing. Most preferred seafood as a favorite dish
None got angry very easily. None were very moody.
Most were at least 25% younger than me at the start of the relationship.
None were the only child. Most were the eldest child.
Most could drive a car. Few possessed a car. Few possessed a house.
None ever went to gym. None ever had a ladies night out.
Few of them cooked well. All could pour a decent brandy.
None suffered from chronic headache.

So maybe I do apply a check list after all. Only I never realized it. Am I alone in this or are you like it as well?

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Feb 2014
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The Land Of Milk And Honey

Welcome to the new South Africa. No visas are required if you are prepared to swim across the rivers when entering from Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe or Mozambique.

Of course there are the crocodiles guarding our northern borders but they are getting so fat and are so busy, they take only one in twenty lately. Not that they catch less people; they can afford to be more selective these days. In fact they have now overtaken the hippopotamus as biggest human killer (after man) in SA. But then nothing worth the while comes easy.

Government is going out their way to create more and better jobs for the fast growing population of South Africa. As you will see in the next photograph.

Then, if you are an entrepreneur, why not cash in on one of the countless Nigerian retail franchises in drugs, arms, alcohol, cigarettes, prostitution, used car parts, DVDs and many other previously illegal activities.

Of course your income tax will have to be paid to the local police force, as demanded from time to time. But then everybody has to pay tax.

Lastly, if you were in jail before and are capable of producing unrealistic promises and flimsy excuses, there is the opportunity to join the gravy train.

No previous experience is required. The salary in a political career is highly exceeded by the fringe benefits. These include access to government funds, pension funds and even donations from overseas. Free holidays abroad are just part of the package. If you can pilfer enough you may even be taken up in the cabinet.

But don’t delay; this is a country of equal opportunities and if you snooze you will lose. There are many others who will scoop up the rewards right under your nose. Remember the early bird catches the worm.

Yes, hurry; for all good things come to an end. At some stage the cows and the bees won’t come home.

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Feb 2014
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It Is All Relative

Why all this BS about a glass being half full or half empty. How can we say a person is negative if he says that a glass is half empty? It is all relative to what we are trying to do.

It may sound more positive to say the glass is half full if the ultimate condition was a full glass, but what does it matter? Half the bloody content is gone… or is it that half is still there?

On the other hand, if the ultimate aim was to empty the glass, then, by the same definition, it would be negative to say the glass is half full. Surely half empty must be the positive statement here.

But the fact of the matter is that the glass is half; be that half full or half empty. And no amount of positive or negative thinking is going to alter the continents of the glass. Half of whatever you were trying to do is now done and the other half of the job may prove to be more difficult or perhaps much easier then the first part.

Or do I have it wrong. Does a half full glass contain more than a half empty glass?

And then, on a more positive note, even an empty glass if full of air. Let’s hope it is not just hot air.

And to all my friends (and everybody else)

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Feb 2014
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Redundant

So here I sit at my desk at work sipping a cup of coffee; the second for the day after the first at home. I will probably have another 5 or 6 before I sneak off home at lunch time.

After today I will have 11 more working days before taking retirement. I wonder if I should still count the last day.

My inbox is empty so there is nothing for me to do today. Redundant is my new post description. My old post is already filled and I’m just hanging around to stand in for anybody who is absent from work. I really hope somebody will have mercy on me today by being absent from work.

I could of course rearrange my office furniture but I’m a little restricted by the length of the telephone cord. Or maybe I can move the picture on the wall to another nail. That could keep me busy for about a minute or two.

Perhaps I should book off sick but I just came back to work beginning last month after being off sick for more than two years. No fun in that anymore.

But in about five hours I can be home again. It is so much nicer to do nothing at home in stead of here.

Eishhh! My coffee is getting cold.

May you all have a very productive day.

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Feb 2014
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Snoopy

I wonder if Charles Schulz realized that his funny looking dog with the big black nose would hijack his show when he created the comic strip Peanuts 64 years ago.

Snoopy had a humble start. He made his first appearance in the cartoon strip on October 4th, 1950; two days after Charlie Brown first made his bow. Only 8 days later was he first referenced by name. At first his name was to be Sniffy but it was changed to Snoopy when the author learned that there was another cartoon character by that name.

For the first two years of his life Snoopy was mute and was first verbalized with balloons in 1952. It was also not clear who he belonged to in the beginning. Charlie Brown only claimed Snoopy as his own much later.

In the beginning Snoopy was just a dog but gradually developed into the complex character as we know him today. He used to walk on four and only later learned to walk upright. There can be no doubt that snoopy is the hero of the strip today. He is the best baseball player, scoutmaster, ace fighter pilot, novelist and adviser.

Enjoy the day.

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Feb 2014
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A Spaceman Came Traveling.

It was a Saturday night and they landed on a remote farm in Southern Africa. A male and a female; husband and wife.

After the proper introductions they were treated with typical South African hospitality on a baked sheep’s head and pickled ox tongue and tripe.

Later they enjoyed a few 15 year old KWV brandies; and the alien couple, unable to fly their craft, decided to stay over for the night. The two males, one earthling and one alien, went out to stash the flying saucer in the shed; and while there, the two decided that it will be in the interest of better interplanetary relations for them to swap partners for the night.

The alien couple left early the next morning.

Later that same day a couple from another farm came visiting. While our esteemed farmer took his neighbor to the shed to show off his new tractor, his wife shared her experience with her friend. And she concluded:

“Mary, it was wonderful. He was adjustable in size. If you pulled his right ear he became bigger and if you pulled his left ear he became smaller. You could adjust him to exactly the right size.”

Back in the shed our farmer friend also shared his story. When his friend asked him if she was any good he replied:

“Yes bro, she was ok but the b*tch almost tore my right ear off.”

PS
No aliens were hurt during the production of this blog.

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Feb 2014
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A Stolen Life

Somebody I know – let’s call him John – had his entire life derailed by a single event 35 years ago. He had everything going for him; a wife, 2 preschool daughters and was in a lucrative business with an equally capable partner. Now he has nothing.

One day the business required of him to be away for a week. However, he concluded the business in 4 days and arrived home on a night flight. When he walked into his bedroom he found his partner in marriage in bed with his partner in business.

Keeping the business in the family turned out to be too much for him. He fetched his firearm in the study and went to the kitchen to bolster his nerves with a few neat brandies. Then the two lovebirds appeared. And he fired two shots at them. Missed them both and they ran to the police station only half a block away.

John was arrested, charged with attempted murder and sent for psychiatric evaluation. When the case went to trial it was discovered that the lovebirds had disappeared. No witnesses meant no case and in the end John was found guilty of discharging a firearm within the municipal boundaries; he paid a small fine and forfeited his firearm.

But his life was over. The business went to pieces during the three months while he was in arrest and his wife cleaned out the house and the bank account before disappearing. John had lost all interest in life.

He drifted from job to job; more unemployed than employed. More on the street than in a house. Not the will to continue. He was an only child and he lost both his parents on the same day two years prior to the shooting incident. No family to get him on track again.

When the lovebirds finally resurfaced ten years later they were married and John did not even know he was divorced. His children were legally adopted by their new father and when he tried to contact them he ran into a court order preventing contact.

I don’t have much sympathy with his inability to stand up again but I do feel sorry for him. I think his life was stolen from him.

PS
A lot of detail had been left out to keep the story shorter.

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Feb 2014
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Marilyn Monroe Was A Fake

That’s right; she never existed. Almost like some CS profiles. She used the picture of somebody else. It was a plot instigated by Nazi fugitives hiding in South America to scam the American president.

For all the disappointed Marilyn fans I include thus stunning photo of her.

What is that? The wrong photo? Lemme see. No, it is the right one. Just take off that dirty reading glasses and stand a few yards back and look again. Step back until you see the truth.

Are the Americans aware of this? Yes but it is classified and will remain so until 2062. No wonder there was such a lot of cover up at the time.

So another conspiracy theory bites the dust.

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Feb 2014
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This is a list of Catfoot's Blogs. Click here for Catfoot's Blog List

Catfoot Blog (616)

The End Of The Line.

A Minor Error

Blame the Americans (Again?)

The Same Old Argument

Can It Be Coincidence?

The Land Of Milk And Honey

It Is All Relative

Redundant

Snoopy

A Spaceman Came Traveling.

A Stolen Life

Marilyn Monroe Was A Fake

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