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CatfootCatfoot Blog (616)

16,678 Blog Comments616 Blog616 Blogs185 Forums32 Quiz Scores27 Threads25 Polls9 Games5 Articles5 Poems5 Poetry5 Tags4 Quizzes3 Top10s1 Quizzes

Five Steps To Heaven.

Fish also go to heaven. It is just a more complicated process but they do eventually end up there.angel I am happy to declare that I have been instrumental in converting 4 sinful fish last night.innocent


1. Damnation
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2. Purification
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3. Sanctification
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4. Glorification
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5. Salvation
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This four lucky fish are now at the happy feeding grounds where sharks have no teeth and fishhooks are made of rubber.grin
cats meow cats meow

PS
This is what happens to fish that go swimming on a Sunday.
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Physics vs Murphy’s Law

If you accidentally drop a slice of buttered bread to the ground, it will always drop with the buttered side to the top. Murphy’s Law does not apply here. This is pure physics.professor

You can even toss it up in the air spinning like a coin; as when you toss for heads or tails. The first time it will always drop with the buttered side to the top.peace

I know some of you will now tell me that you have tried it and it came down with the buttered side to the bottom but this is where Murphy’s Law comes into the equation. You have applied the butter to the wrong side of the bread.grin

It is very important to note that this experiment will only work once per slice of bread. Thereafter the balance of nature is disturbed. If you want to repeat the experiment you will need to prepare another slice of bread.tongue
cats meow cats meow

Have a great day!
handshake hug
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Are We Really Like That?

I have recently received an interesting private message. A very sweet and sincere lady wanted to correspond with me and although I declined her request very politely, her message still lingers in my mind.moping

She said that although she wants to correspond with me, she will not be sending any nude pictures. If that was what I required she would rather not write.uh oh

But this was not the first time I got such a message; it had happened numerous times before. Now I wonder; how often does this sort of thing happen?dunno

Do you really get men who would ask a strange woman for juicy photos?confused

Come on, guys! You are bringing disgrace to our gender.blushing Leave that sort of talking until you know her much better.
cats meow cats meow

Enjoy what is left of your day!handshake hug
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What To Treat The Ladies On.

When I was young my dad told me never try to impress a woman on a first date. He said if she really liked you, she would be happy walk to with you to a take-way stand and eat whatever you gave her.

In view of the international nature of CD I thought I would compile a guide on what to treat your long distance lover when you finally get to meet her.

An English Miss –
Fish and chips wrapped in newspaper.

A French Mademoiselle –
Take her for a walk on a rainy day, she will get the snails, take you to her maisonette, prepare them, cook them and by the time they are ready, you will be already full up with the hors-d´oeuvres. (Minerva)

A German Fräulein –
A doner kebab - whatever that is. I hope it is cheaper than sauerkraut. (KNenagh)

An Australian Sheila –
A Vegemite Sandwich .

An African Maiden –
Pap and Wors (thick maize porridge and sausage). Pap is optional!

An US Chick –
Hotdogs from a pavement stand.

An Irish Lassie -
A small helping of Black Pudding. (Hans4711)

An Afrikaans Madam –
A Boerewors (sausage) roll. The roll is optional!

An Indonesian Bird –
Raw oysters. Just take her to the sea. She will take them out for you too.

A Barbadian Queen –
Hot Bajan Fish Cakes.

A China Doll –
A generous helping of rice served on a bed of rice.

A Japanese Lady –
Sashimi - Raw fish. Just take her to the fresh fish market.

An Italian Signorina –
Chinese quick noodles. She will love the superior quality.

A Portuguese Senorita –
Dried fish. No need to take her anywhere, she will have a good supply.

A Canadian Miss -
Clubbed baby seals. Plenty of frozen carcasses abandoned in the ice fields.

A Spanish Señorita -
Take her to the nearest Tapa Bar and buy the cheapest drink. (Zman)

A Ugandan Beauty in Nigerian refugee camp -
An UN ration pack bought on the black market.

But now I’m stuck. Maybe with some suggestions we can complete this manual for overseas dating.dunno
cats meow cats meow
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Being Unique

Yes, you are unique. We all differ from each other. Yet we are all the same. We all have certain characteristics that make us the same as any given other person. But we also have another set of properties that makes us entirely different again from any other person. That makes each one of us unique.reunion

But don’t depend on your uniqueness as a special advantage over others for they are also unique. Everybody is unique; no two persons are the same.conversing

You are not even unique in thinking that you are unique.scold

And that makes you… not unique at all. grin
cats meow cats meow

I hope I did not bust your bubble today.
Have a wonderful day nevertheless.handshakehug
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Love Is Not Blind.

That is right; love can see very well. The problem is that we close our eyes when we love... and blindly believe that every thing else will just come right by itself.love

You have to start loving with your eyes wide open. Look at and recognize the shortcomings in your partner. Discus it if you wish but do not believe for one minute that you can change it. Rather analyze yourself and decide if you can live with it or not.

If you cannot live with it, break it off sooner than later. The longer you wait the more difficult it becomes.sad flower

However, if you can live with it then go for it flat out. For now you can – and must – close your eyes for it. You have accepted it and now you can love with your eyes closed without fear.dancing

Contradictory as it may sound, love has to be blind to succeed for nobody is without flaws. The question is: Can you live with it?dunno
cats meow cats meow
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The Exodus Reloaded.

A 10 year old lad, not schooled in religion, went to Sunday school for the first time. When he came home his parents were quite anxious to know what he had learned and asked him to tell about the lesson.

He explained:
The Hebrew people were contained in an Egyptian refugee camp and their leader, a man called Moses, went to President Pharaoh to negotiate their repatriation. President Pharaoh, fearing the loss of cheap labour and foreign aid, refused. Then Moses enlisted the aid of an international terrorists group and he crippled the Egyptian economy. Many innocent Egyptian civilians had died. At last the Egyptian president consented. frustrated

After the Hebrew people left the Egyptian President changed his mind and pursued the Hebrews with his army.

The Hebrews were trapped on the beaches of the Red Sea and Moses called his army engineers to build a pontoon bridge across the Red Sea. They completed the job in record time and the Hebrews crossed the bridge under a heavy artillery barrage while the Egyptian panzer divisions and mechanized infantry closed in on them.

When they reached the other side Moses saw that the Egyptian forces were swarming across the bridge in hot pursuit with president Pharaoh in the leading tank. Moses called his air force on the radio on the radio and ,giving them the exact GPS co-ordinates, he ordered them to destroyed the newly built bridge.

The Hebrew war planes, equipped with the latest American made smart bombs, destroyed the bridge in no time. President Pharaoh and all his men fell in the water and drowned.grin

The lad’s mother looked at him and asked: “Are you sure this is what they taught you?”

“No,” he replied, “but if I told the bullshit they told us, you’re going to tell me I was sleeping in class again.”doh
cats meow cats meow

Enjoy this beautiful Sunday.
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Timesheets

Eish, I had forgotten all about timesheets. Friday is timesheet day. Luckily mine was not too difficult. It was a very productive week and working for a government department has a many challenges.

typingProductivity
1. Re-arranged the office furniture twice
2. Moved a wall poster from one nail to another
3. Installed and very thoroughly tested a coffee percolator
4. Prepared, posted and attended to 5 CS blogs
5. Chatted with my GF on Skype every day.

playballDisruptions in productivity
1. Two meetings with management
2. Cooked up a timesheet
3. Delivered an one hour lecture on behalf of a sick colleague

writingNotes to management.
1. Installation of percolator is justified as it increases productivity by 30 minutes every day.
2. Time spend on CS is also justified. LDE (Long Distance Education) is part of college policy and constitution.
cats meow cats meow

I managed to sneak home before lunch every day. 35 working days left to pension.

Have a wonderful weekend!
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Friends For Life

Friendship goes a long way but how far would you go to save the life of your best friend? The following story will demonstrate. professor

Two lifelong fellow strollers, Pete and John, were walking from town to town crisscrossing the South African countryside. One day, just after leaving a small town, John decided to relieve himself . A snake hiding in the shrubs got annoyed at being showered and struck at the source of the stream of water.

Realizing that he was very close to death John sat down in the shade of a tree and sent Pete back to town to fetch the doctor. His friend arrived at the doctor’s rooms but the receptionist informed him that the doctor has gone to a far out farm to help with a woman in labor. She asked if she could assist in any way.

Pete explained John’s predicament but being very shy he failed to tell her exactly where the snake had bitten his friend. She told him to make two small incisions into each bite wound and to suck the poison out with his mouth. In a very confused state of mind he started his journey back to where his friend was. confused

When Pete arrived back at where John was still sitting in the shade John asked: “Hey Pete, where is the doctor? What did he say?”

Pete looked at his friend gravely and said: “John, the doctor said you’re going to die.”grin
cats meow cats meow

Would you have tried to save him if he was your friend?dunno
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A Daunting Rescue.

Yesterday my friend managed to lock his car keys and cell phone in the car while stopping to relieve himself on a deserted road. He could not even phone for help.help

It took him 3 hours to save his wife and two children who were still trapped inside the car the car.doh

His wife sustained minor injuries when the brick hit her in the face. The brick is in a stable condition after surgery to remove all the glass splinters.comfort

He is now looking for quotes to replace the side window. Is it something that can be Googled?dunno
cats meow cats meow

Have a great day out there.banana dancing
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At Long Last

So here I am back at work; after an absence of two years, four months and a few days. In the smallest office they could spare, with the oldest laptop they could find, filling a post that does not exist, doing nothing!blushing

I’m as busy as a broke john in a brothel but at least I have a good internet connection with access to everything.applause

I have been informed that I’d be working flexi hours but also warned to show my face every morning for ‘in case something crops up’. So I can see my new job description; stand in for anybody who is not at work.doh

I only started working a few hours ago and I’m bored to hell. It is going to be a long 2 months until I retire! grin

Friendly greetings from a sunny and pleasant Cape Town.conversing
cats meow cats meow
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Mixed Emotions

At last the big days are over and most visitors to Cape Town had started the long way home to the interior. My guests included.

Suddenly my house is my own again…applause and empty!sigh

And I’m all confused.confused

I don’t know what I really want. I could not wait for all to arrive but after a while I wished them away again. Now that everybody has left I miss them.

On Monday I will start working again. I could not wait for the time to come and now that it has, I dread it. What is it that I really want?dunno
cats meow cats meow

Have a great day.
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