2317588F Blog (6)
Because he’s having family issues, 
I still prey that you will see the light & refocus all that energy on us. 
After all, I'm finally ready to put my eggs in one busket. 
For now i'm stuck on this gloom called singledom.
Hell, if someone tells you the score & you've pvr'd the game, you're pissed! It's the unpredictability, the drama.
Because you have some emotion, unpredictability, things that aren't really related to logic & reason... though when you understand sports
I've learned some tricks of the trade & now I watch things that are scripted & it ruins it for me as I can usually guess what is going to happen. 
But with sports, even if you know what's going to happen, there's always the human element. 
Some people like reinforcement in their comfort zone. I want to be challenged. I enjoy being surprised. 
We talked pretty much every day, mostly via voice-notes, & its been almost 3 months since I heard from her. 1st I thought perhaps she had some issues, only to realize via whatsapp which she religiously uses. She updates status/ profile maybe twice a week. Of late about a "great date" she had with a guy. This is all fine, it was to be expected... but it really got to me somehow, especially the fact that she just decided to not text me at all. I don't think I said anything offensive to her either. The fact that she does updates her whatsapp bothers me a little though. First of all I guess, I feel a little used. It just seems like while she was vulnerable I was the most understanding person in the world & all this stuff, & as soon as she meets a guy she can actually see & touch she just plain out stops caring about me, not even as a potential candidate (however absurd it may sound), but also as a friend. It feels like as soon as she's happy, I'm as good as gone. Second, I feel sad. I really thought we had something going (nothing amazing maybe, but some kind of connection) & this wait just feels eternal. A friend actually told me that I should tell her how I feel. It won't change anything he said, but getting it out my chest will make me feel better. I'm also afraid though that once she knows my feelings, she will feel smothered or she'll feel pity for me, & I don't want that. Third, I feel guilty. I really have NO PLACE to be inquiring about her private life, if she dated or not, if she has or hasn't talked to me. I'm just a guy that lives in another country that developed feelings where there wasn't anything, & that wasn't her fault. Maybe she was just looking for a flirt to pass the loneliness, or maybe she was just looking for a friend & I had to let things get out of control & not call it when I saw it coming. & fourth, I feel pathetic. Because maybe I shouldn't be bothered about this AT ALL. It just feels so bad, laughing together, telling each other things that you don't tell anyone, & it all goes down the shitter when one of them finds something more real. So my biggest deal right now is deciding how to acknowledge her when/if she talks to me again (I know "again" is over I guess I just went with it & didn't see it coming. 
Whenever it realizes that change or a move is about to happen, the first thing it does is Whether through fear or doubt, the flesh WILL retaliate. It is the nature of all humanity. We fear the extraordinary more than we do the ordinary. Sin has brain washed us into thinking we will never be anything more than just sinners. With that said. There is change. There is growth. There is divinity. There is a power unstoppable. Every single day there is a great move, a move of God that requires you to move from just being ordinary to being extraordinary. I do agree that every relationship has its own dynamics & challenges. But I've realised that the conduct your relationship is based, consciously or not, on learnt behaviour from the way someone else conducted their relationship. Be it a loving relationship between an old couple, a relative or even ones parents. The way we handle ourselves in our relationships later in life is a direct re-enactment of a behaviour we learnt. We tend to treat our partners the way we were taught. This is a list of 2317588F's Blogs. Click here for 2317588F's Blog List