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ElegsabiffElegsabiff Blog (358)

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INCONCLUSIVE TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2017

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

I'm told I will be in Continent as time goes by. Not looking forward to it much, I hear it is damp. I'd rather stay in Vincible but life occasionally has other plans. People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive they're wrong.

grin












(borrowed from an incoming email)
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Change? oo-er.

This rush of blogs about the change in layout got me to wondering why so many of us resist change. And what will we do if we meet someone? Because that would be change, for sure.

So this is a question for those actually looking to meet someone (because yes, some are here just for the virtual equivalent of Cheers, where everyone knows your name) (Norm!)

Would you be looking for a slow adjustment - meeting every other Thursday for coffee, then slowly slowly stepping that up to other outings, plus an occasional takeaway at his, or a home-cooked meal at yours (or of course the other way round) until a year or two down the line you suddenly realize you're spending more time together than apart?

Or a sudden whirlwind, swept off your feet, blown out of your quiet life into a thrilling breathless gasping new world?

Or something like a long-distance relationship, where you have the whirlwind weekends but the peace and quiet of your familiar life in between?

Or just waiting with interest to see what life has in store ...

For me, perhaps the last option. Just wondered if anyone else had thought it through a bit more.
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Health kick

I decided to start aerobics. I wriggled twisted and jumped up and down for an hour.


By the time I got my leotard on, the class was over moping
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Smartphones for dummies

I am a dummy, okay? I'm not smart enough to be in charge of a smart phone but I tell you what, neither are the people out there selling them laugh

I went into a Virgin mobile shop to say listen, having problem downloading apps, what am I doing wrong? So a kid of about 9 looked pityingly at me and said I don't close apps properly when I finish with them, which would help space, but I should phone Virgin direct and upgrade.

So I phoned Virgin direct and they said £125 please. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Turns out he thought I wanted to upgrade my phone. Took us about 20 minutes, with his English and very odd accent, for us to establish I wanted to upgrade my service. Naw, he said, ah doan theng yew node ta, yew doan yis it arl es it os.

I ran the translation through my head, then said but I can't download apps, there is insufficient space?

Elozabiff, he said patiently, yew node ah mimmory cad.

I asked where I get a 'mimmory cad' and he said back at the shop. So I went back to the shopmumblingonly 8 miles away mumbling and got a 12 year old who said oh but we don't sell them HERE.

Where, then?

She didn't know. Maybe Tesco, she said. I walked out, and 2 shops away was a shop selling mobile phone accessories. Including memory cards.

So I'm sorted but seriously, is it just me being thick, does anyone else have these problems with smart technology and the people who are supposed to explain it to dummies like me? moping
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Time flies when you're having fun

This has been a quick year, or is that only me? Just saw a post on FB which says

2 more Fridays to Halloween
5 more Fridays to Thanksgiving
10 more Fridays to Christmas
11 more Fridays to 2017.

Eek.

23 more Fridays before my life as it is now changes forever - my company is closing its Scottish office and I will be surplus to requirements.

1 more Friday until I know all the details for one option open to me - relocating to the English head-office 400 miles away.

So strange to be at a point where different futures lie ahead and I haven't a clue, right now, until Friday, what ANY of them will be. At least on Friday I will know the details for one.

Sure, everything could change in a heartbeat, the world as we know it could be turned upside down tomorrow for one of us, or some of us, or all of us. At least I know what's coming up. Unless everything changes!

No stress. Ommmmmmmmmm. But saying right now if I am tetchy at times during this period of upheaval, I am apologizing in advance. handshake
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Back to the good old days

The Middle Ages were cool. The common folk gathered together to let off steam, sing songs, and make bawdy s*xual jokes which were considered the height of wit, the cruder the better, and if some toilet humour could be added, people laughed so hard they farted rolling on the floor laughing grin

They accepted their lords and masters without question, even though they often mocked them mercilessly, and did as they were told even when that meant going off to fight, or their women being hauled off to the manor for a jolly rogering. They were bewildered or even angry when outsiders said they should work together to change things. CHANGE?

Outsiders who didn’t rock the boat were greeted with extreme hospitality because the villagers were vaguely aware that fresh blood in the gene pool was probably a good thing. They drank too much after a long week, fell into bed haystacks with each other - the prim Victorian age was many, many centuries in the future - and didn’t really keep track of who had fathered which baby, so a fair amount of inbreeding went on.

Their religion only ever became an issue if someone believed something else, when they became enraged to the point of apoplexy. They weren’t interested in anyone else’s point of view - their way or the highway pitchfork, bud

So - they were crudely mocking about sex, complained about their leaders, and were hostile about religious variations. I’ve been catching up on the blogs yay we’ve made it safely back to happier, simpler times!
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This way to airport weigh-in

Pago Pago airport has apparently stopped pre-booking seats and started weighing passengers they think are overweight.

Way to start your holiday? Hey, you, fattie? On the scales please. Okay, we have to change your seat or you'll tip the plane sideways ...

Tactful!

Why not instead allow some wider seats in the middle of the plane, and make stating weight (including cabin luggage) part of the on-line checking-in process, then you can offer the seats available to those with unusual needs. daydream

If you were huge, you wouldn't mind that, much better than being wedged and squeezed into the average tiny space? Hell, the international SPCA wouldn't allow animals to travel in the allocated space we get crammed into for hours. A bigger seat would be bliss for a bigger person.

(Any time the airlines want to allow for passengers over 5 foot tall, and offer more leg room, would also be seriously ace. roll eyes)

Right now, that's only targeting larger passengers and we've all had that moment when you see someone who can barely squeeze down the aisle towards where you are sitting and you start the traveller's prayer, please not next to me please not next to me oh bugger!

But airlines, sure you have to adjust the trim of the plane, sure if you get a team of rugby players you want to spread them around the plane. But fair's fair. Offer slightly roomier seats to plus-size passengers, don't just ruin their holiday before it started?
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A SWOFTY? Really?

help I’ve been trying to find a word that sums up the older single for my books and today I found a newish one on the internet, SWOFTY – single woman over fifty. Can’t find the male equivalent, maybe because a SMOFTY sounds like moffie, which in SA means a gay man. uh oh

Surely CS, many of us over that invisible dividing line, can coin something good? I'm not crazy about the phrase "mature singles", it sounds far too grown-up, and we could run into truth-in-advertising laws there anyway, I looked up mature –

Fully developed powers of mind and body / Complete in natural development / Ripe / Perfect (as in a plan maturing) / Grown up / Fully fledged, developed, experienced, knowledgeable, sophisticated.

Okay, so we aren’t fully matured yet rolling on the floor laughing Back to the drawing board ...










And yes, yes, any hilarious little trolls, "has-beens", very amusing. Trit trot along, this is for us feisty fifties and spicy sixties and our friends, ‘kay?
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Why are steakhouse meals so big?

I'm eating on company expenses so decided to push the boat out and have a mixed grill and a pud yum

No chance. I couldn't even finish my grill, .if I bent forward right now food would shoot out my ears.

I'm a tall woman with a healthy appetite but it defeated me

Isn't there some happy medium between giant meals and dainty nouvelle cuisine?
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Dying Breed

It won’t happen in our lifetimes but I find it interesting that the racial category I will call Anglo for purposes of this blog will, in a few hundred years, be statistically extinct.

It is already incredibly challenging to find population percentages for the race that combined the Celts, Saxons, Vikings, Romans and Normans to produce the Anglos – that ever-bubbling melting pot of people who played a huge role in world history because of their insatiable desire to travel to other parts of the world, meet new people and, usually, try to convert, kill, or enslave them.

Those stroppy islanders had particularly significant impact in North America, Australia, and large swathes of Africa (usually butting heads with pesky Europeans in territory disputes along the way) but now we are ourselves vanishing into the melting pots of the world – we have close to negative population growth, and the majority of those producing busily on these shores are immigrant populations or mixed.

What, you read this far? Have a coffee! coffee there are comments coming up with more fascinating statistics for you. It’s like a school day. Yay!

I'm particularly interested to see how many have a kneejerk reaction that this is a racist blog. It isn't. It is simply about a race of people who affected the world. Most of them happened to be a whiter shade of pale, falling into a much bigger demographic (see comments)

The song is completely irrelevant, apart from the title. Not a bad song, though.
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Odd couples

I sometimes think I'm a bit too fussy. All I ask is a man with the brain, body, and sense of humour, to rival this trio.


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And yet if I found him, he'd get - well - me. Slight mismatch.

Yeah, I can see a Misery scenario developing here, and the book, not the film - you know, where she actually amputated his legs to keep him around laugh

In the first comment (unless DC beats me to it) I shall put a pic of what we probably all would settle for.

If, big if, the chemistry was right. scold
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Missing link

You know that little thing in your head which stops you saying things you shouldn’t?

Yeah, I don’t have one of those.

We all have choices in this world. If someone is taking a crap in the middle of the carpet, we can
a) Pretend it isn’t happening and move away hastily
b) Egg them on to strain harder, leave a bigger turd, because – actually, I have no idea why. But people do.
c) Tell them to pull up their pants. Even when it isn’t our carpet. wow

Still, it takes a long time, and a lot of aggravation, for me to stop thinking ‘oh, people have the right to say and do anything, however objectionable’ and change that to ‘hey, if I keep silent, you’re going to think what you said or did was actually acceptable.’

We ALL have at least one button marked DO NOT PUSH. Someone supporting a political candidate you think disastrous? Or praising a religious point of view (including atheism) the opposite of your own?

How about thinking it hilarious to torment an animal? devil Yup. We all have a button.
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