Family, that’s one thing. Even the whacky relatives are part of the furniture, but friends are different, friends are the family you choose.
So - if your friend makes friends with someone you really dislike, and wants to be all pals together, what do you do? Smile sweetly and play nice? Point out the new friend is a troglodyte? Or just quietly back off because anyone who can have that as a friend is obviously not the person you thought they were?
You can do that with friends, but it happens in relationships too. SHE disapproves of HIS friends, HE thinks HERS are a pain in the proverbial. SHE thinks he spends too much time out with his buddies, and doesn't need so many boys nights out, especially with those particular boys. HE blames her friends for every glitch in the relationship. And so it goes on.
Who do you choose in a case like that? Love me, love my friends / Dump the friends, or dump the love / Lay down ground rules / other. Well, that's why I'm asking, really. Has it happened to any of you, that your new best person has a toxic friend, and how did you handle it?
Not all of us in the West are familiar with the Chinese horoscopes so here's a quick handy guide for the newly dawned Year of the Monkey. I'm apologizing in advance if I get any bits wrong, please correct me! I do find it fascinating.
Each Chinese New Year is characterised by one of 12 animals which appear in the Chinese zodiac. By the way, 2016 marks the 4713th Chinese year.
If you are turning 24, 36, 48, 60 or 72 this year, you are a Monkey. Your compatibility signs are Rat, Dragon, or another Monkey - the positive signs, the doers, dynamic and ambitious. (America, born in 1776, falls under the sign of the Monkey)
There are also five vital elements: Gold, Water, Wood, Fire or Earth. 2016 is a fire year. The cycles match every 60 years so any Monkey turning 60 this year is in double jeopardy - ironically, the years of your sign are tougher. As Monkey years are challenging for everyone, Monkeys especially need to keep their wits about them this year.
Challenging it may be, but for all 12 animals of the Chinese zodiac,provided you demonstrate endurance and patience, 2016 is a great time for receiving invigorating energies.The combination of Fire with the sign of the Monkey brings vitality and innovation to both business and personal relationships.
During 2016, political tensions will be stronger as governments and financial markets get a harder time. People and money are moving around the planet at an even faster rate, and only the most resourceful and risk-taking individuals amongst the 12 signs of the Chinese zodiac are promised great success in 2016.
It's a year to reconsider part of the organization of your social life, as some friends may suddenly become bitter and jealous, leaving you disappointed and disengaged.
Not an easy year, and especially for Monkeys, but still a year of optimism, cheerfulness and happy family gatherings.
What are you?
Rat: 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960, 1948
Ox: 2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961, 1949
Tiger: 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962, 1950
Rabbit: 2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963, 1951
Dragon: 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964, 1952
Snake: 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965, 1953
Horse: 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966, 1954
Sheep: 2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967, 1955
Monkey: 2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968, 1956
Rooster: 2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969, 1957
Dog: 2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970, 1958
Pig: 2019, 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971, 1959
As I already said, this is interest, not expertise, I poached off the internet and will instantly correct anything I got wrong, sorry!
My father had 3 sisters - one married very well, one married a successful but extremely Bohemian Jewish author (that was a bit shocking, back at the time) and one eloped with a ne'er-do-well. This weekend I went to the birthday lunch of the oldest cousin born of the very good marriage, in Oxford.
There were 80 guests, all her branch of the family, or friends. My table had a Supreme Court judge, the birthday girl's brother (a retired QC), a retired Tory MP, and a semi-retired surgeon. They all have wives who paint, run book-clubs, support the arts and have raised brilliant children. There was a spare man, for me, but as the judge chatted me up throughout the lunch I never got to talk to him. (Have you ever tried to stop a judge talking? Conversation hogs of NOTE.) I'm guessing, though, that he was very eligible.
I think I was the only office-worker in the place, but my blushes were spared, my cousin introduced me to the others at the table as a writer.
Funny thing, if I had married the first man I was engaged to, he would have fitted in perfectly. My current fella would have been considered 'quayte a character' and maybe even 'a jolly good sport'. Nearly all the ones in between - phew. Not at all the thing.
Drove back to where I was spending the night thinking okay, now I know why my daughter wasn't invited. Not because numbers were tight. My own daughter wouldn't have fitted in. Wow.
Am I sorry my life turned off the track I was born into? I have no idea. I don't think I would have made a professional man a very good wife, but then I didn't make a very good wife anyway. It was odd wondering what it would have been like, though. And whether I should have shut the judge up and flirted discreetly with the single man provided for me. Just to see.
There's a sort of a point to this blog. Have you lived the life you were expected to live, or have you gone completely off-piste? And - looking back - do you have regrets about decisions you made?
I don't. Well, except about letting the judge flirt so much with me. Okay I would have had to get up and walk away
but I don't think his wife will follow up on my books for her bookclub now.
no that isn't true I never wondered it in my life before. But I do now.
Harun Yahya (aka Adnan Oktar) says "I always wondered why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same thing.'
Well - ah - um -
We seem to have temporarily(?) lost our comments count again.
If the Mods said 'okay smartiepants, you think you can do better?' and put you in charge, what changes would you make?
I know I would like the most current thread comments at the top of the list. When I'm looking for forums and threads to comment on, I like picking jumping ones.
Maybe there's a way of sorting them that way anyway?
And for sure if I was in charge I would insist charmers, flirts who never ever meet, players who meet-'n-cheat everyone they can, bounders, easy riders, and scammers were identified in a way that could be fed into a search filter. They all have a role to play, but wouldn't they be more fun if we knew?
Sheesh, caught me napping. I must look a fright. C’mon in, make yourselves at home, mi casa es su casa.
Tell you a secret? I never saw an impala like you before. Crazy spots, loving the look.
My mum warned me about guys like you. Just want you to know, I don’t put out on the first date
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya 's Masai Mara in October last year, said he was astounded by what he saw:
"These three brothers (cheetahs) have been living together since they left their mother at about 18 months old,' he said.
'On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be hungry, walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play together.
'At one point, they met a group of impala who ran away. But one youngster was not quick enough and the brothers caught it easily'."
These extraordinary scenes followed (I have used them out of order, the impala was actually lying down, relaxed, by the end, not at the beginning.) After a while they got bored and left. The impala was completely unharmed.
I'm pretty nuts about cheetahs. But I did think these pics cried out for some crazy captions. Write some.
What would I call those people on CS I would enjoy having a drink with if the chance came up, would go out of my way to meet, have talked to a great deal over the last nearly-two-years, and really like?
I follow, and am followed by, hundreds of people on Twitter - I've met, hmm, about twenty of them, a fluctuating group of us meet up several times a year, always fun. Friends?
I have hundreds of friends on Facebook - some genuinely are, scattered all over the world, we often haven't seen each other in years and may never meet again, but we share news and photos. Some are colleagues from earlier jobs, and some are writers I may one day meet. Facebook calls them all friends.
Real life, a handful. Very highly valued.
Easy to find out who's a true friend - screw up, or go through a challenging time, then see who sticks around.
Okay, not easy. But definitely interesting!
Yet what is a person who is entertaining, amusing, but ducks out whenever they have something more interesting on, or you aren't as much fun as usual? We always do enjoy catching up.
There need to be more words than just 'friend'
There's a joke doing the rounds on Facebook, which says 'If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party'
I'd probably then make other plans for the same night.
My favourite cousin is having a milestone birthday down in That England later this month. Eight hour drive. No worries, count me in, wouldn't miss it.
A good friend here in Scotland is having a milestone birthday later this month. Great, count me in, wouldn't miss it.
Same weekend.
I really should get a diary.
I was beginning to think it was an age thing
but everyone, all ages, seems to be saying 'oh I FORGOT'.
Sun-spot activity? Please make me feel better, tell me what you forgot. If you can remember.
when someone acts badly we assume instantly that's how they really are, and yet when someone acts in a nice way we assume it won't last?
Went out for drinks the other night with a woman I've been getting friendly with at the office - NICE woman. A friendly guy offered to buy us a drink and she changed completely -
ow, go on then
and hissed to me, when he went obediently to buy said drinks 'make an excuse and leave, okay?'
Okayyy. See ya, wouldnae wanta be ya. Never realized what a tart she was. Huh.
Back to her bright funny interesting self the next day, but now I
know. Right?
Another colleague, another drinks night, suddenly laughing too loudly at stupid jokes, crude and boorish, what a moron.
Now we know what he really is, right?
Then take a guy with a lifelong passion for practical jokes, suddenly being romantic. Oh well, THAT can't be real, am I right?
See, we instantly believe the first two are showing their true colours. Third one, we wait for it to pass, or for the joke to be revealed.
Was that your reaction to the examples as well? Why?
A lot of misery last night on Twitter because of David Bowie, and one of my unhappy friends tweeted a link to a film scene featuring him. I looked, to be polite, and oh my the film starred my favourite actor, Jeff Goldblum. I have no idea why I have such a massive teenage-level crush on a man who has turned into a fly, been half-eaten by a T Rex, and has eyes that bulge with horror so often he’s practically pop-eyed, but there it is, I do. Tall dark intense brilliant geeks? Yes PLEASE.
oh lord, I said, I have a passion for Jeff Goldblum. May watch this over and over all night.
AND JEFF GOLDBLUM RESPONDED TO MY TWEET.
I hope you do, he said, hur hur hur. And he attached a video clip of himself laughing.
Okay, it’s only 12 January, but that is the biggest rush I’ve had this year. No question.
What does it mean to be English?
One of the English national daily newspapers asked readers "What does it mean to be English?" Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a chap in Switzerland stood out;
"Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way home, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American or Australian shows on a Japanese or Korean TV which will soon be powered by a Chinese nuclear power station.
And the most English thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign."
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