Although it’s in the 30’s in my house, it’s the mid 40’s outside with the sun shining. I still have gas so I’ve brewed coffee on the stove and washed 3 pairs of pants and a dress in my bathtub. Hopefully 1 item will be dry by 2pm. I’ll do another load shortly. I feel a little optimistic having something clean to wear to work.
I’ll make some eggs soon and rest until duty calls.
I feel like a pioneer
I've been experiencing the feeling of the past. I can't identify the moment except that it is a good feeling. It's like the air is alive. I smell scents of the outside, this old home's bones breathing. I remember first coming to PA with so many hopes and dreams. I thought I had found my partner for life.
I don't have sad feelings. I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top, triggering days outside camping or kayaking. I can feel the wet sand under my feet. I imagine taking my kayak and placing it on the water. The coffee pot on the stove triggers memories of the first cup, in the woods of a campground in New Jersey. Our tent collecting insects and inchworms. I remember laying in the sleeping bag, watching the slow movement of an upsidedown worm traveling on the roof, silhouetted by the sunlight behind the nylon.
Not all triggers are bad.
I’m bingeing on TV. I watched a favorite movie “Used Cars”. I’ve done 2 loads of laundry, not in my bath tub. I have WiFi! The artificial light has improved my mood and the furnace has warmed my hands up.
Tonight I will shower and climb into a clean bed-my reward for paying this bill.
Ive had power fo 24 hours. Did some tidying in the house. I looked at my efficient coffee maker and then looked at the coffee pot on the stove. I was thinking “there’s nothing as good as camp coffee” so i made a pot. A little luxury with a little fond memories
I tent camped 21 days while looking for the house i live in. A lot of painful memories since. This cup of coffee is a reward for surviving to this point. I may box the electric pot up.
When the going gets tough, the tough goes balls to the walls.
Today is my day off one more day til payday and ill have electric. I got a sewer shut off notice today. In addition, i got a notice of my drivers license suspension in 6 months for delinquent child support/property taxes. I have decided to blow off the gas bill since summer is coming and a furnace isn’t necessary. Im focusing on the bare minimum.
Since i am looking for a new job, my present job will be nonexistant when the furniture department has been liquidated. My store went bankrupt. I need wifi and a license for new employment.
I didn’t grow up to be a salesman or cashier. I grew ip to be an artist. The chips are down. My very reliable associate is assisting me with a method of bathing and i’m hoping he will accompany me to some art galleries to show a sample of my work.
I still dont feel suicidal so all things considered, the sun is shining.
Trolling is not exclusive to CS. Anyone who’s been on FB knows trolls are alive and well. In addition, trolls pop their heads out while shopping and in daily activity.
I am grateful that the online world allows bitter, hateful people to express their illness on a format that is easily dismissed with a button.
It is far more difficult to ignore, escape or retaliate against abuse in person. I come from retail and, baby, people can be insensitive, and hateful, with free rein. Employees are evaluated on performance and are paid, although poorly, to put up with crap with a big shit eating smile.
I have just endured day 4 of my company’s liquidation. Everyone is cranky. My associate in my department is now angry with me. A customer was there and my coworker asked me a question. I sort of disagreed with the pairing of a headboard to a customers bed frame. Now, keep in mind, this position still pays a commission. At the same time, all sales are final. Because of my answer, she lost the sale and was very angry with me. I responded, if you don’t like my answers, don’t ask me the questions. I wasn’t being bitchy. I only have concerns that if the pieces did not fit, the customer can’t return the piece. All I could think of was, do we want an angry customer over a $20.00 commission? Well, she said she won’t ask me anymore questions.
Now, if I had known I was supposed to agree to make the sale, I might have gone along with it. It’s her ear that would be bent if it didn’t work. Still, is it worth it?
Sitting in the dark. 5 more cold nights until electricity.
Until next time, see ya. :)
My cat purrs and climbs aboard. I ask him “do you like the rustic atmosphere?”
My electric was disconnected 3 days ago for nonpayment lol-not. I’m wearing a down coat, buried under two big dogs and a cat, body heat. I feel like a pioneer. Like camping in s house. I sure wish warm weather would come.
My latest lesson, men are expensive and more costly to get rid of. I’m sure the same can be said for female leaches.
Today was day 1 of my store’s liquidation. We are a carcass, to be picked clean. I can’t decide if I want to stay to the bitter end and collect unemployment or abandon ship. Those who have, have lost friends. I don’t want to do that.
I had a breakdown but now I’m running on anger adrenaline. I will not give up. Not today, anyway.
This is life. The amazing thing is that I have the will to live. This confounds me.
7 more days until I have heat and light, provided my paycheck will cover it. At this time, I must determine what is most important, heat, water or light.
Not complaining, I did it to myself thinking I could support 2 adults, 1 not working. That other adult is out of the picture so, I am already in a better place.
Phone battery is low. See you later.
If you know me
You may have known me
Sad housewive
Lonely housewife
Lived 3 lives, 3 weddings, 2 children, 1 life
Mine
You have been lining roadsides
Sometimes, cheering me on
Rarely attacking, because I’m pathetic or strong?
I have written of excruciating loneliness
Joyous love, cascading, flowing to a place called Malta
You have read my tumbles, rarely knocked my walk
As if, one might assume, we still feel
To other
The stranger on the street
Part of the landscape
A part you realize you’ll miss
Who I am, you are
I’ve been thinking about something that was said to me. It has temporarily given me the idea to consider being a couple. No, there isn’t anyone known that I might consider being in a relationship with. It’s simply a break in my “no relationship “ mantra.
My recent back story is the dumping of a financial and emotional parasite. You know the type. The ones who will say and do anything to remain in an arrangement that provides food and shelter...
I’ve had poems proclaiming love, a proposal of marriage etc. still, I dumped his a**. Since then, this individual has written poems and proposed marriage to 3 other women in 3 month’s time. This has confirmed the fact that his words are all bull shit.
The above news doesn’t shock or sadden me. I got out alive lol.
Back to what was said to me...a simple sentence that, even with my latest blunder, makes me consider.
Like the pain of childbirth and kidney stones, I am beginning to forget the reasons why I want to remain single. It’s as if I have a case of amnesia.
I think amnesia is my method of coping. Unfortunately, I don’t trust myself enough to try again.
I’m on a slippery slope. That’s it from me today.
I fell into a burning rung of fire
And it burned
I work in a retail environment, a department store. I know the atmosphere has changed over time, just as consumer travel has changed.
There was a time when people dressed up to travel and shop. Both activities seemed more prestigious. If you watch any old show or film, the characters were usually dressed impeccably. Men wore hats, women wore hats and gloves. Accessories weren't tacky or dated. There seemed to be an order to things. As if work and home life were stable enough to present ourselves as "together" in more ways than one.
I am sitting in a department store that is empty but for the employees and a few customers. There has been a pallor on the face of retail. The coordinated lips and nails are gone. Fancy brooches and rhinestone clip on earrings have been shed. The atmosphere is dull except for the occasional frivolous shopper. Luxury for the mainstream has been substituted with fancy phones and active wear.
Two things have made me contemplate this. One, the possibility of my store closing due to bankruptcy, the second, two films I recently watched again. I usually watch a film I like numerous times, so, I have given thought to the aura of the films, not only the main plot. Tonight, I focus on the characters of both films, "The Danish Girl" and "Carol".
If you haven't seen these films, "The Danish Girl" is about the first man to attempt sex reassignment. "Carol" is the story of a woman acknowledging her sexuality. What on earth could these characters have to do with retail? Only I would make a connection. lol In "The Danish Girl", after living as a female, she takes a job in a department store and she glows with excitement. Her smile is electric. Her supervisor is very respectful and her statement "we are all performers" as if in a great play, to provide the ultimate shopping experience. In "Carol" the female character is shown in the same retail environment, but the experience if far from magical. Her supervisor is a cold, negative character and the position of store clerk is a hair above garbage left blowing across a New York City sidewalk. Is the vast difference because one character wants to fit in and be accepted, accepting the stereotype that goes with it, while the other feels she doesn't fit in, she has other aspirations?
Do we feel like garbage in our jobs because we aren't fulfilled elsewhere? Are we longing to play a role, to have at work what we don't have at home? In the end, I think we all take on roles in order to survive.
"we are all performers".
Palmfrond Blog (156)