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Embarrassing moments

Last week I attended a very important 2 day customer meeting for a new project we are kicking off. The day went really well and it felt like everything just clicked.

At one point in the meeting one of the customers (let's just call him Rick) became very complimentary of my technical knowledge (men are so easily impressed when women understand these things roll eyes ) and started to get the impression that he was flirting with me. This is very unusual in this type of setting so I ignored it and thought I must be misunderstanding him.

When the first day of meetings was over, we took them out to dinner and one of my favorite restaraunts. The wine was delicious and pretty free flowing so we got a little loose. A few glasses in and Rick became pretty obvious, the fliritng was not a misunderstanding. We all laughed along so as not to embarrass him, but it was reallllllly weird!

After dinner Rick, who was sitting next to me tried to pour the remaining wine in my glass. It was late and I had a long drive so I declined. He poured anyway, and of course I drank some more. A few minutes later I switched to water to prepare for the drive home. As I picked up the glass, it started to slip from my hand. I tried to catch it with my other hand, but it began this strange dance that I could not seem to stop. Everything was moving in slow motion as the glass seemed to lift up and the water went flying out all over Rick, catching him in the face, and all along his right side. I gasped, completely unable to say anything for a moment. The entire table was dead silent for what seemed like an eternity. Then a burst of laughter escaped my lips and everyone fell apart into hysterical laughter. My belly hurt from laughing so hard and I thought I would wet myself.

On the ride home, I was thinking about the evening and planning to approach Rick in the morning to apologize again, when the phone rang. it was one of my colleagues who had driven them back to their hotel. She called to tell me not to fret. I was the topic of conversation all the way back to the hotel and the customers thought I was great!

The next morning, we all had a good laugh about it, then started our meeting. I think this project is going to be very interesting.
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I had hoped that by the time I reached this age...

I might know everything there is to know about myself.

I would have the wisdom to know what is truly best for me and love myself enough to do it. Not just in the here and now, but forever.

to know the difference between good instincts and nagging fears (old baggage) that influence my emotions and make me push good people away and hold onto the ones that I should have let go.

that I would finally feel comfortable in my own skin and not feel a need to question whether or not others consider me attractive, intelligent, interesting, a good person, etc. Why should it matter to me?

to be confident enough in myself to accept a compliment once in awhile, and not question the motive of the one giving the compliment. They can't all be wrong, right?

that I would be on the path to happiness and acceptance. Let go of the bad memories, negative experiences, and focus on the good things in my life and so I can move forward in a positive direction.

that I would've found someone special and for once didn't screw it up. I met someone recently that I adore. He's brilliant, funny, affectionate, passionate, to name a few. I want to give him my heart but I am so afraid to trust that he won't crush it. He's done nothing to warrant this concern, it's all conjured in my own head and I know this.

He asked me recently if I was happy. Before I met him, I thought I was. Thought I had most of my issues worked out. But meeting him made me realize I wasn't anywhere near happiness. I think I surprised him when I blurted "no". But that was the truth and I wanted to be honest with him about everything even if it didn't portray me in the best light. I want to be able to share all my secrets with him, and him with me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a basket case and have a lot to offer in a relationship. I'm strong, independant, playful, s*xual, loving, loyal, faithful, honest, and did I mention s*xual? blushing, etc. I think self exploration and recognition of areas in need of improvement are all good things. How else can we expect to learn from our mistakes so we dont repeat them. I'm hoping he will have the vision to see these qualities and have the patience and fortitude to stick around awhile to see how things turn out.

At 44 years old there is still so much to learn.
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