I published my first book. I took a trip to islands i have never visited. That's about all of my summer 11.
I made a new friend, with whom i've spent some time. I am tired of spending 24/7 with my spouse.
In September the lectures begin. I have extra-curriculum courses of helping other unlucky and some work telling about schizophrenia in schools.
My garden looks better than ever and I get quite a joy just sitting outside and drinking wine. I also participated in one competition with my photos,,, we'll see...
My book is written in Finnish, my native. It has been on market for two weeks now. One has bought it. I didn't expect much. What is important for me is, that now it is finally written.
I guess this was the happiest summer that I have ever lived. The August means that in few days it is over. But i will keep swimming in the sea and the rivers. I keep taking photos. I keep sitting in my garden and drinking wine. Untill the rain comes and the trees fall out their leaves.
It's my birth month. I will be soon 32 years old. Old, I say, finally. It has been a long youth, with all kinds of disturbing disorders and difficulties. Finally I am old, and no bad day comes as a surprise.
The best thing about being old is that, there is some experience from the past. I can lay back and notice, I master my life and being. I didn't replay my parents way of being, I created my own way.
The break of the family culture was difficult. It took some severe years of rage and disloyalty. But finally I am free from the heritage of my family culture, in peace and ease. I found a man, who appreciates my struggle and outcome.
It is hockey night in our home. He, man, shouts and yells as Finland masters all loses the game. I listen to music, and post to my blogs. It's friday, and the weekend ahead promises sunshine and leisure time.
The past week I spent dancing on a course. The best was coming home and hearing the beloved say time after time: "It is lovely you're home again."
Some favorite songs, good wine and relaxation. What could I need more. I remember one of David's prayers: I lack nothing...
I still am spiritual. Albeit my fiancee is not. Albeit I stopped reading the Word. But I still pray, and enjoy such a calm assurance: I am loved, I am fostered, I am blessed.
6 months now with the new guy. He fulfill all my dreams. We are going to Kap Verde next week. Some travelling will do good. New experiences.
I love my life. I indeed do. Maybe it's the wine. The music perhaps, or all the love I receive each day.
So, it's the time to give promises for the new year. I made couple of promises: I loose some weight and stop smoking. We'll see...
It is a rather quiet morning. I didn't sleep well. 3 am I was still awake. We watched a Bond-movie. I couldn't help, I didn't like it. Too stupid action.
Well, Happy new year, every one!
The life is at a very special period now a days. I love my fiancee and am happier than ever. The match is good. We both hate the same things, love the same things, respect, reject, etc the same things.
We even have similar type of criminal record. So there is a lot in common between us two.
It is Saturday night. The music is on. We are drinking wine. The candles are on. We ate chinese food and visited my mother, who is sick. I am exploring the net.
Sometimes I stop and think, was this all? All I ever dreamed of. And am confused, this is exactly what I expected from life. For certain, one can not underestimate the value of love.
So happy, its three weeks to go to Christmas. Today my partner is going out with his friend, and I have some time to spend alone. I put the Christmas songs on, will light some candles and enjoy the Christmas drink, we drink here in Northern hemisphere,, I will sit the whole day the night clothes on, pyjama, we say.
I have bought all the gifts, except for my partner. But I know what to buy. There is a music album he likes. It's all covered with snow here. Maybe I go for a walk with my dog.
Merry Christmas every one!!!
As engaged in a relationship, I stay away from this site. I still long for friendships, and this morning I have spare time to write, thus I write a little post on this site.
I got engaged last month. I keep studying, although the courses I am taking are few. I don't rush to get things done, but take it easy and comfortably slow.
I still spend a lot of time on pc, writing and discussing. There is a book project I am writing on the experience of mentally ill in the society of effectiveness and rush. I have written some 30 000 words, so there is not lacking much from a full-length novel.
I come up with questions and answers how we humans should evolve, treat each other, accept differences and commit in respecting others. I don't expect the book will be a success, rather it will be a small group of professionals in the mental health care and those in the same situation as I, who will be interested to read the book.
There is a lot of conflict described in the book. I and the professional mental health care people do not respect one another. They think in terms of stereotypes and I think in totally different way of possibilities and strengths of individuality and specialty. I think I can contribute to society through my book, as I raise up the discussion on how to treat the mentally ill.
It is winter in Finland. The whole country has received snow and the light hours are few each day. Soon it will be Christmas. I listen to Christmas songs already and enjoy the candle light.
Have a nice Sunday and end of the year every one!
I spend a night in a bar yesterday. This 50-year old history teacher sat in my table ( me and my friends' ). After long discussion on history, i said to him, that there is one flaw in the scientific discussion of history. He was interested and I explained: The science tend to be value-free and try to explain how things happened. But to get to the bottom; what makes things change, what evolves the mankind is mercy, and history writing can never access this fact by its means.
Then he gave me quite a compliment: he said that I am one of the most intelligent women he has ever chatted with. He by the way had children of my age. They were both graduated from university. I didn't feel uncomfortable while we spoke on politics of science and science itself, but I felt truly so, when he asked can he see me again. I said the age is the obstacle. And then there is the beloved one.
We met two weeks ago. Now in a bar I first time send him message: I luv u. He responded the same. Things are looking better I could ever imagine.
My idea of intelligence is of course the faculty of mind well trained into getting down the bottom of things. I claim I recognize an intelligent person when I meet one. For example although the loved one has hardly gone any schools, I could tell after chatting with him, there is down there deep wisdom in him. He did not push for his own ends, although he could tell what he wanted. He is a metalworker, not a university student, but sometimes the intelligence do not get manifested through studies.
Sorry for my English,,, I try to write as I have heard English used..
Of course, there has been studies in the past, but some expressions that come into my mind are heard..
My beloved is off to Sweden. We have phoned each day, and just yesterday we both revealed the feeling of belonging and missing one another.
It has been the longest week ever. I am so hesitant to have him back in the same city as I.
I told him (although I have referred to the fact before)that if he takes me, he is about to be the only worker in the family. He said it is not an obstacle.
How can there be a person like he is??
I went to see my girl friend yesterday. We spent some 4 hours together and talked through all the major issues in our lives. I told her how I introduced myself to the beloved one: Hello, I am Isiaih, I am schizophrenic, so if you take me, you are about to make the living for me too... She laughed and hardly believed her hearing.
September 11th-12th I will take my dog to dogsitter, and we will spend the first weekend together. No idea where we go, but pretty sure of what we do.
I still keep on writing here time to time. I would like to find friends.
My new special friend is someone I have visioned to come far before he arrived,,, soft, tender, tranquil, quiet, thoughtful
Let's see how long I get to keep him. We met in a bar, so that does not give us very good start. We were both drunk, but recognized the other is serious on this matter: dating, not one-night-stand.
My ex has taken the issue very well, I still see him, and we call daily. My mother is all sold to the new candidate, and happy to see me delighted.
I hope everyone reads this... not to bother e-mailing me in hopes of relationship. I am looking for friends only.
It is not easy. First of all, you frighten the candidates away with the diagnosis.
Second, you like or admire very few people: honest, respecting, honest...
Third of all, you have principals other do not get.
"It's heavy on my heart..."
Some people never conquer the feeling of hate. They are taught to be so submissive that they fear the affect.
Some people are lost with they hate. They hate everything and everybody to the extent that they do something, hurt someone, or themselves.
I know both kind of people. I cannot explain what has happened to them as a child. But I would like to understand better, why some never learn to deal with the affects of hate or rage.
I suppose God gave us reason that we learn to deal with our emotions. God at least gave us the law (first the law of Toreb, then the Tora, the Jesus set of standards for loving others).
The reason and the law rule us, not our emotions. But that is not the case with everybody.
I hate some human wickedness caused behavior. First I cannot stand someone comes into my blog to chat around. I hate the walking over, me and my wit, my right to overthrow the other-attitude that is clearly common here in cs.
My goal is not to hurt anyone. I do not trespass on others blogs leaving my pee on every corner. I you want to complain, complain in your own blog. I think you do not get anymore credit by anyone, even though you go peeing on my territory.
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