Serious Conversation
Years ago, I had a talk with myself regarding my troubles about love and relationship. My inner self told me: "I think your problem is that you are very serious about getting into and being in a relationship that you are missing out on opportunities that are yet to present themselves. When you meet a guy, you already categorize him to MIGHT or MIGHT NOT have a future with. You have judged them as to what they have initially shown you. When you yourself are holding back in the beginning. At the start, both people are expected to hold back a little, so by putting a tag on a person early on, when he hasn't shown himself fully on all his potential is what's making you sad. What if he was actually good, but you didn't give him a chance to begin with?"With that, I gave one guy a chance. The problem is, when I start to have a bond with someone, I trully give them all the chances and accept everything and overlook everything, even all the red flags. That it took me 4 years to realize that the relationship I was in was not the right one for me.
Was I right with the way I dealt with my issue before that landed me the 4 years relationship? It was. Because even when it was not the right relationship, I learned so much from it. So now, Im thinking of another change inside me. But I guess this time, I will focus on something else.
Comments (14)
Giving 100% is the only way for me to be in a relationship...and even when you are shown the same it doesn't mean it will remain this way...
I don't calculate how long it will last, don't have plans for how far it may go...
I recently had to ask myself if I have dreamed whatever happened...
I am trying very, very hard not to become grumpy and cynical towards relationships...and not to lose faith...
Ridiculous...but expected from you...
Sorry to disappoint you but all my relationships (except the first one) were with foreign men...because I lived abroad... I won't mention nationalities tho...
May be I should finally try a local man...
This blog though isn't about what my ex gave or didnt give. I've forgiven him and move on from the heartbreak. I'm just thankful now for all the things I learned from our 4 years of relationship.
I wish I could be as spontaneous as you. However, I am different in my way of thinking. Whenever I am in a relationship, I really give my best to keep and nurture the relationship I have. I dont plan on how long its supposed to go on because my goal is to make it last. Unfortunately, it's not going to be the case in all relationships. The least is to learn from the lost ones I guess.
Self awaeeness in examining ones own motives with regard to relationships and high self esteem is indeed the way to have a well balanced and no drama relationship.. I'd avoid drama as much as I could.
But to me, being in a relationship for that long (4 years) is a good mark for my growth and perhaps the other person. We all change and in the process, what we thought was good when we started being an item, changes along the way. Sometimes, not only do we think that the other person isn't the one but so do we, too think that we are not the one for them.
What I have learned is to try to gauge right in the beginning as to how compatible we are and how we can build up a good foundation. Natural traits of the person we are with should have been established by then.
I am trying to end a 4 year relationship just now. It is not an easy one but I am sure if I stay longer, my future will be very bleak. Just the same, I am grateful of the 1,440 days that we spent together.
I had a marriage that lasted 30 years and I can say that I thought I can hold hands with him till we die. My point is, I am grateful, these experiences add savor to my life. Yes, I wish it wouldn't end but that is life.
I would tell you..."Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." – Elbert Hubbard
Exactly the same happens with relations and love...
Do not take love and relations too seriously. You will never get out unscathed... I you Know what I mean.
I insist..."living la vida loca" is the best option!!! for men and women
Yes indeed, Livin la vida loca! I'll do my best.
it's never easy to estimate what will happen in a relationship....
That's why I do get into it fully, with no fear or questions...
I know it will hurt at the end but isn't it longevity we are all looking for...it's just we can not be sure how long is really long for the other one...
I have never been in a relationship with someone because "He" is suitable, comfortable or appropriate for my standards... Sadly many do that...