Shakespeare for Idiots, or non-readers

Romeo & Juliet- The modern version by William Mapshake

At a nightclub in 1976 Romeo was doing his best to impress a bird he fancied called Julie, His dancing skills worked and they fell in love.

The next day they walked hand in hand to a chemist for an after the act contraceptive pill but found out they had not been invented yet.

Over a Costa coffee they decided that although their parents hated each other due to Juliet’s dad selling a shite car to Romeo’s dad they would get have to get married in secret.

They flew over to Vegas and at the Elvis Presley One Dollar Church they got married, gambled a bit and watched a Tom Jones show before returning to England.

Juliet’s high school sweetheart named Paris had meanwhile appeared on the scene after a lengthy prison sentence for theft of kitchen and kitchen related storage items and wanted “His bird”.

He knew how to appeal to Juliet’s Mom and bribed her with a huge amount of Tupperware so he could marry Juliet and in time take over the used car business; Juliet was a bit angry but had to agree as she knew her mom had already used the salad spinner and 3 freezer containers.

After a few Gin and Tonics Juliet decided to fake her own death as she couldn’t be arsed marrying Paris, Her dealer pal gave her some sleeping pills and she took them and fell asleep.

She looked dead so was laid out for the family to look at, Poor Romeo saw her stiff lifeless body and promptly hanged himself with his new floral orange and brown bedspread.

When Julie awoke she heard that her secret love and hubby and kicked the bucket, she decided that she would also kill herself and did.

The moral of the story…Tupperware is rubbish and not worth dying for and condoms save lives.
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Comments (17)

.... true that.
However, I'm happy my father did not use any at that Christmas time 1968.
I like your version of the story. Call me what you want. laugh
OK, I shall call you "The Croatian Christmas Baby", Im sure a classic story could be written in your honour.
I have it already, starting like :
Number seven, born as a side effect of Christmas fever.....


....but that's another blog. laugh
… When you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah
Now you just say "oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"…
Bloody, Write it, Twas the night of Christmas and the Karlovacko was flowing with the holy spirit singing to a tractor, Little did they know that 9 months later...a miracle would be born etc etc

Mr.Wave, Mark Knopfler is a modern version of the Bard beer
laugh

Map, I think you should write a series of Shakespeare plays.

I could sell them on the black market to school kids to enhance their understanding of them in a modern-day setting idea
I can hardly wait to see what you do to Chaucer. I might for once in my life understand the stories. popcorn
Oh yeah . Good idea, Biff cheers

My choice is Joyce

I can't force myself to finish his books.
Hey Molly we could be on a roll here. Joyce is an inspired choice. Who else can Map bring within the reach of the masses?
Beckett?
Sheesh, load Map with the impossible, why not roll eyes

I wouldn't mind him condensing Lord of the Rings to a few paragraphs, though. I have never yet passed the point where Gandalf says 'you will not pass'. Enjoyed the Hobbit, bogged down in LOTR every single time I tried.

And Dune. Map, do Dune!!
I have read all Lord of the Rings help

At least there was action in that.

It is the ones that just go on and on I get bored with.

Like Dostoevsky. The Idiot wasn't too bad. But others were harder work.

Reading shouldn't be hard work.

Ah, yes. I thought I recognized that little snippet of Dire Straits!

Seems to me that the translation has a LOT to do with the readability of Russian novels...although Dostoevsky is FRIGHTFULLY long winded!
Biff, Molly and Mr X, I had planned on condensing Tolstoy's War and Peace into one paragraph, but CS isnt ready for a cultural injection, Perhaps a treatise on Hot dogs and how to eat furniture would be better, I may however do some ladybird kiddie books to get the politically obsessed into a safe space and easy to read comfort zone.
Having been to verona where william shaksphere wrote romeo and juliet, i can certainly appreciate your comedy version.
Bravoapplause
Bluesky, Thank you!
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Mapmaker

Inland near Jaen, Andalusia, Spain

Can we be truly honest in self-description? This is my attempt. And to ensure it has some degree of truth, I’ve asked a female friend to give her opinion also. So here goes :

ME:
I’m not rich or very good looking; I’m overweight but working on th [read more]

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