Hiding the pain to save the relationship..

My husband was a man, that I may say, every woman would want. We met during college days. He is my only BF and me as his only GF. We did broke up coulpe of times, as me, as the most dearest daughter in the family, parents wanted the best for me. My mother wanted a man wearing a necktie for me. Which is very opposite to my BF which is a rugged type man. After graduation in college, took the licensure exam and immediately I started to work. Without preparing for a couple's life, me and my BF lived in without marriage as my parents never want me to marry him. I got pregnant and got married two months after I delivered our first baby. We really was like love birds . His job, was sailing and sailing for 9 months and went home for 3 months. Everytime he's home I used to organized his suitcase. We were on our 3rd year, when I found a letter from a woman, the heading...Dearest....at the bottom I love you ". My tears started to drop and profusely flowing. I cried because when I tried to assessed myself, I could be counted as the best wife. All I did was loved him, became stubhorn , fighting for our love.
When he came home and saw me crying, he asked what's wrong. I replied nothing, I just felt like crying...

In myself, if I would asked whose that woman, and he would reply, that he loved her, and she is beautiful than me.. I would lost him. And I loved him that much and could not afford to lose him. He got mad telling me, to shout at him, or anything I would do, just to tell him what was wrong. But I just hugged him. I kept that pain the whole time of our marriage. I told myself, I will never allow no one to take away my husband from me. And yes i kept that promise ...
So I guess, keeping the pain, works to keep the relationship in place...