This one has so much truth in it, it's not even funny.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Twenty Million Witnesses Come Forward Claiming They Saw Kavanaugh Lie Under Oath
By Andy Borowitz
October 1, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the F.B.I. hurries to complete its supplemental background check of the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, twenty million witnesses have come forward claiming that they saw Kavanaugh lie under oath.
According to the witnesses, they can remember the place where they saw Kavanaugh lie, a hearing room in the United States Senate, and the exact date and time, this past Thursday afternoon.
Despite the striking similarity of their stories, the twenty million witnesses to Kavanaugh’s mendacity said that they were having trouble getting in touch with the F.B.I., even though lying to the Senate is a federal crime and thus within the Bureau’s jurisdiction.
“I called my local F.B.I. office and was told to call the Bureau’s toll-free tip line,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Toledo, Ohio, said. “I did that, but the mailbox for Kavanaugh tips was full.”
Carol Foyler, a Mobile, Alabama, resident who said that she, too, witnessed Kavanaugh lie under oath, expressed frustration at the artificial deadline of the F.B.I.’s probe. “One week is not nearly enough time to interview twenty million people,” she said.
In Washington, Senator Lindsey Graham furiously rejected the witnesses’ version of events, arguing, “This is a classic case of he-said/twenty million said.”
“If lying in the United States Senate is a crime, none of us is safe,” Graham added.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Twenty Million Witnesses Come Forward Claiming They Saw Kavanaugh Lie Under Oath
By Andy Borowitz
October 1, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the F.B.I. hurries to complete its supplemental background check of the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, twenty million witnesses have come forward claiming that they saw Kavanaugh lie under oath.
According to the witnesses, they can remember the place where they saw Kavanaugh lie, a hearing room in the United States Senate, and the exact date and time, this past Thursday afternoon.
Despite the striking similarity of their stories, the twenty million witnesses to Kavanaugh’s mendacity said that they were having trouble getting in touch with the F.B.I., even though lying to the Senate is a federal crime and thus within the Bureau’s jurisdiction.
“I called my local F.B.I. office and was told to call the Bureau’s toll-free tip line,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Toledo, Ohio, said. “I did that, but the mailbox for Kavanaugh tips was full.”
Carol Foyler, a Mobile, Alabama, resident who said that she, too, witnessed Kavanaugh lie under oath, expressed frustration at the artificial deadline of the F.B.I.’s probe. “One week is not nearly enough time to interview twenty million people,” she said.
In Washington, Senator Lindsey Graham furiously rejected the witnesses’ version of events, arguing, “This is a classic case of he-said/twenty million said.”
“If lying in the United States Senate is a crime, none of us is safe,” Graham added.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Comments (5)
The head of the FBI is a Republican and was appointed by Trump, a fellow Whaton School grad.
From Wikipedia;
Rod Jay Rosenstein (/'ro?z?n?sta?n/; born January 13, 1965) is an American attorney serving as United States Deputy Attorney General since 2017.
Prior to his current appointment, he served as a United States Attorney for the District of Maryland. At the time of his confirmation as Deputy Attorney General in April 2017, he was the nation's longest-serving U.S. Attorney. Rosenstein was nominated to the United States Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit, but his nomination was never considered by the U.S. Senate. He is a Republican.
Rostenstein's boss is a Republican, appointed by Trump, Jeff Sessions.
From Wikipedia;
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (born December 24, 1946) is an American politician and lawyer serving as the 84th and current Attorney General of the United States since 2017. A Republican, Sessions served as United States Senator from Alabama from 1997 to 2017, resigning the position in order to serve in the Trump administration.
Even Comey was a lifelong Republican, until he got fired by Trump
from Wikipedia;
James Brien Comey Jr. (born December 14, 1960) is an American lawyer who was the 7th Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) from 2013 until his dismissal in May 2017. Comey had been a registered Republican for most of his adult life but recently described himself as unaffiliated.
Quit blaming Democrats for illegal things Republicans do.