A New Range Of Vitamins Discovered
Researchers attached to Social Behavioral Studies at The University of Cape Town yesterday announced the discovery of a new range of vitamins that promote uninhibited happiness.This comes after fifteen years of intensive research involving some thirty two thousand human guinea pigs, mainly UCT students. According to the project leader, Professor Doctor Lovemore, there are male and female strains of this happiness vitamin which they named Vitamin P and Vitamin V respectively.
The esteemed professor said that it comes as no surprise that UCT students are rated as the happiest students on the planet since the inception of the project which allowed for the opening of all campus hostels to both genders. He added that 24/7 accessibility to the campus sport facilities were also a large contributor to the students’ eternal happiness and that he expected that the recent legalization of cannabis will also have a positive influence even if only to reduce the resistance of unwilling participants.
During the ongoing research these vitamins will be codenamed D*ck and P*ssy. (Note that the asterisks are not due to CS censorship but the actual spelling and the said codenames have no connotation with the words D*ck and P*ssy as censored by CS.) The male strain, Vitamin P, is found in semen while Vitamin V is produced by the female and present in the vaginal fluids.
Apparently these vitamins are inert on their own and need to get in contact with each other in order to generate true happiness, thus effectively putting paid to a minor detail like safe sex as latex products prevent the ingredients of happiness from getting together.
When asked about it, Professor Lovemore admitted to some undesired side effects like unwanted pregnancies, HIV and other STDs & STIs but said that they are working on it. “But what the hell does it matter,” he concluded. “They are too happy to be bothered by such trivialities and as long as they are happy, we are happy. Boredom is the worst evil found at a university campus. We rather see them screwing each other instead of screwing us by torching our campus facilities.”
I truly hope that each of you will find some of this happiness today.
Comments (24)
Where can I get them prescriptions for Vitamin P please?
Great seeing you too.
You won't need a prescription. If your Arty is no long up to it, you will find a steady supply of Vitamin P if you haunt public places like pubs, coffee shops, museums, flea markets and so on. Sitting alone on a park bench looking sad may also render good results.
Finally, joining a social network like CS is guaranteed to work if you don't put too many restrictions on your mailbox. Mentioning that you are well-off can also bring some quick results.
I guess it doesn’t matter anymore since I got my Arty now
Is he around all the time?
No need to yell. I'm just asking.
Don't need any vitamins (yet)
......
Great to know that you're happy. I kinda feel that I'm just lucky.
That is a great pic of him. I also turn my best side to the camera.
Are those pills expensive?
Good to see you again btw.
No, not at all.
It normally comes for free but unless when picked up on a street corner.
Great to see you again!
BTW, your alias wouldn't be Professor Doctor Lovemore?
Nah, you're giving me credit I don't deserve. I am just one of the off-campus human guinea pigs.
Why do I think water cannons?
No, there is more to life than monkey weed and booze.
If only the water cannons are used a little more (to put out fires) less schools will be torched. I don't understand it. They complain that there are not enough schools and then they set them alight. One would think that you preserve what you don't have enough of.
Uninhibited happiness Wow...it must have that Placebo effect too..
Let's say two people take that Vitamin P and V
even without Love they would feel they are loved ...
No wonder you look happy catfoot...
Our Metro Rail service is on its knees and cannot provide proper service anymore. So many coaches had been destroyed by fire that the don't even have nearly enough left to render a reliable service. And the torching goes on relentlessly. To think that only twenty five years ago we still had the best railroad in Africa.
Good seeing you again. I hope you're getting all your vitamins every day.
What a surprise to see you again. I thought you had eloped with a neighbor or somebody.