So tired of being afraid

I don’t hide under the bed quaking, but at any one time there can be at least one thread of fear running through my head. Some come from the media and their faithful acolytes on social media. Some come from the experiences of others. Some just crop up randomly on their own. Some last seconds, some can build up until I have to talk myself down. The early hours of the morning is the time most of them drift up, although some are triggered by what I am doing, or unexpected noises. uh oh

Random examples

Will my brakes fail on this hill, will I crash through the barrier and bounce into the ravine 500 feet below?

Why hasn’t X (friend, relative, or person of interest), responded to my message / email / whatsapp? Dead? Sick? Pissed off with me and will never be in touch again?

Was that creak at 2 am a door opening, or the first sign the house is falling down? Will I survive its collapse, but be buried in the rubble to suffocate slowly in excruciating pain?

Will I be burgled? Mugged? Attacked? Beaten-up? Shot? Maimed? Killed? Acid thrown in my face?

Will I try to draw cash and find my bank account has been frozen or emptied? Will I lose my house, be unable to buy food, have to kill my pets before they starve to death so I can boil their bones to make up soup?

Will I be alone forever, die alone and be eaten by said pets because no-one even notices? Will I fall downstairs, break my neck, be unable to move until I starve to death, ditto, ditto? Or if I try to avoid being alone, will I fall in love, be conned, bankrupted, and left heartbroken? Will he murder me? Which would be worse?

I also sometimes have to stop myself thinking of floods, global freezing, solar flares taking out satellites, an international collapse of the power grid, hostile skirmishes, raids, nuclear war, the collapse of the economy, losing my job, the rise of the bullies, and being targeted because I am an outsider.

Most of the time, I’m completely relaxed but the fears – the fears seem to hiccup a little more often in these gloomy days as the media vultures teach us to wail their songs of terror at the moon. Will I eventually be after all hiding under the bed quaking?

Jump in any time and tell me to stop being silly, everything will be all right. I won’t believe you – in fact I’ll think you’re alarmingly naïve never ever to fear anything will ever touch your life – but jump in anyway.

I am self-diagnosing a need for food and maybe even a bubble-bath. I'm really not a basket-case. But man I can imagine up a world of troubles for myself sometimes. sigh

Comments (63)

its called "The Struggle", and we humans love it. I don't worry about most of those stuff, even dying alone. And I am not going to my funeral anyway.

hey Biff, wave

btw, did you hear that spooky noise?
Spooky noises only work at 3 in the morning, darlin' snooty

As soon as my microwave has done its stuff (presuming it doesn't fry my brains, it's old) I shall be tucking into a sugar sandwich and bouncing off the walls.

The struggle. eh? AMANDLA! Power against oppression! (picture the raised fist, ok?)

And sterkte, of course. Which wishes you strength and perseverence.

Common themes, Biff, of fears of things not completed, or if so, with sad outcomes. One of the most common of related themes is that of not being prepared for an examination. In such situations, the escape options can range from from acceptance, to avoidance, to psychopathy (cheating), to near manic rescues of emergant unknown knowledge and brilliance. Then we typically awaken.
@ Elegsabiff - wave I would never presume to call you a 'nut', however I have met most of your friends such as Pistachio, Cashew, Pecan, Brazil, Hazel and the rest of the crew, Girl........ conversing


....... grin hug beer
The things you list are all real possibilities, Biff, you are very wise to worry about them. I often think I should make the effort to worry about more things,.
I don't think anybody lives with no fears at all, Biff.
I guess sweet are lucky that ours are first world fears. We don't have real worries like if our house will get bombed tonight; will our children die of thirst or an easily treated ailment just because we happened to be born in the wrong country.
But that apart, there are few people living alone that haven't wondered how long they would be lying at the bottom of the stairs with a broken leg if they did trip.
I haven't considered boiling the dogs' bones though.
Don't matter if your a cabbage or a king you will all end up in the came place

Planted in the ground so...

Hello Biff
Been, there , done it and still at it. Its called over analyzing.
Very debilitating. Do what I do and after a 7 to 7 shift, waltz into
The kitchen and do as I did tonight.made real fudge with condensed milk, Portuguese. Custart tarts and Devine pineapple, and cream cheese cake, now to find someone to eat it.while doing so switch o the radio to some favourite songs, Just remember I have the gardener tomorrow, and some friends to say goodbye to as the one lot are going bask to New Zealand and the other to Australia., so atleast that won't. Go to waste
When you get into bed switch all lights off and close curtains.Room Must Be Cool.lips
@ Molly~ - ....... wave

... wow

...... grin hug wine
Feck off, Hansmumbling

@ Molly~ - laugh You have a nice evening too, Girl..... rolling on the floor laughing

....... grin hug wine
Hans, the dogs are beginning to look at me suspiciously now uh oh

It may come down to who gets whom first ....and there's two of them help
think your brain is in overdrive maybe is the sun maybe the noise at night are these Spanish spiders making out in the attic I hear there busy at night sure you has no problems with the drink been cheap just have a few then these things you wont hear
Vier, so basically I am coming late to the party in my frettings and others have been worrying for yonks? Hmmmm.

I think I preferred living in innocent ignorance, though. frustrated
Hans you picked all the good nuts, does that leave me as a peanut?

Oh great something else to be worried about. Either I will be popped out of my shell, heavily roasted and salted, or left in the nut bowl and when I am finally cracked, a wisp of black smoke will appear and swiftly vanish

Harb, hold me.

I know they all COULD happen but equally they won't. Worrying about it won't make a scrap of difference. I know that but eish. It's like the only thing that could happen to me is totally unforeseen and I am trying to foresee every possibility. Foil Fate, so to speak.

Molly, I was hungry when I mumped my way mournfully through the blog. Luckily I found something to eat and the pets remain intact. uh oh
Crest I know that daisies will be pushed up, somewhere along the line. Not even that worried about it, per se. I just don't understand why I have to think about it ahead of time.
I'm sure they're feeling a little relieved.

That lovely doggie of yours would make a nice rump steak though grin
Fiery I'm not as good a cook as you but on the bright side, the room will be cool. Very cool. Forecast temps tonight are 9 degrees C, then it goes up a little as the usual temps for this time of year reappear.

Freezing to death in my bed is, oddly enough, one of the few fears I haven't had so far. Maybe tonight. sigh

I don't think I over-analyze. They tend to pop into my mind as vivid little ideas, then vanish again, not be things I consciously think about - I'm a nidiot frustrated

You could send some of that fudge? blues they have nothing like SA fudge in England, imagine my delight when I reached Scotland and found it there. It's called tablet there, but it is exactly the same. Yum.
Hans that awful cartoon made me laugh out loud, I'm a terrible person

And Molly no, she wouldn't, she's leaner than when you met her and I suspect as tough as old boot leather. Instant biltong, in her own way grin
Biff, she'd be better off with me than you so ...I have never developed a taste for biltong
JJ, I sleep downstairs, under an old ceiling supporting a couple of tons of old concrete floor on the next level. A sagging unlevel concrete floor, covered in old quarry tiles (probably another several hundred kilos there), a big enough Spanish spider could probably bring it down with a hearty sneeze.

I may need a drink after thinking about that

uh oh

Molly, that's one of the things I like about you - you don't like biltong. I have to be careful who I befriend. Imagine finding myself on a desert island with only biltong to eat, and with someone who liked the stuff? help

My daughter says that about her husband, anyway. She says it's one of the reasons she married him. When she's managed to score a stash he calls her biltong-breath and won't kiss her, never mind try to steal any of it.
Biff, would you prefer I got a taste for biltong or you? grin
yeah I suppose really were all the same from time to time her mostly alone im in and out mostly and content but now I think about this would no be nice to die alone ....also the damp weather don't help sun I think helps my place is very old and lots of noises im well used to ...the only thing I worry about is my tools I use are saws and things that don't forgive a mistake and this I do worry about far alls good and I do be carefull but a cut don't happen on these machines and I suppose you can bleed to death quickly ...but then we can go worse ways now I can blame you for making me think
Back off, Stretch. You're practically a vegetarian anyway. Go eat hearts of palm, I don't like 'em, all yours.

JJ oh help I'm sorry

But maybe, just maybe, the next time you are waving round a chainsaw you'll think 'that ruddy Biff and her fears' but you'll be a bit more cautious as a result and walk away intact?

Then I'd feel better!
Off to bed (no not under it) with a book and earplugs so the creaking of the ceiling and sundry doors at the other hand of the house won't fret me.

still have all fingers thank god and am very carefull danger all around I had an exercise roll for back anyway kids playing with it walking aroud on it next morning I stood on in dark and hurt knee badly was stranded on floor alone and phone in other end of house so I suppose one can say carry phone but is not me ...I seem to do things arseways im told you need look at things a bit different most people die in hospital not saying you will and long may you live but we live we die so what its about being decent and enjoying while we can so sleep well and go easy on the wine its bad for you they say can kill as welll
Biff, even the most committed vegetarian (of which I am not one grin ) would soon change to biltong or Biff if given no other choice,
I can't solve you're anxiety issues Biff, but you've just solved one of mine.

Now I know exactly where to copy and paste the correct spelling of naïve.

Beautiful. grin
Some fears are inevitable, some are inheritable. Some are even law protected, thinking of car, pension or health insurance.
....and some we are even happy to pay for. God safe the fears. wine .....especially if i was an insurance agent.

Self explanatory really Biff.

Sometimes, it's not the big things that get in the way, but the little things that can trip us up.

I find exercising helps.....go for a brisk can help to blow away the cobwebs....thumbs up
Holaaa Elegsabiff.. (no more nickname grin )
The only fear I have is dying alone at home and no one knows till someone smells my rotten corpse. But living with that fear is pointless, so I just try to live my life to the fullest and put that fear aside. dancing
JJ what did you do when you hurt your knee? Because that's the commonest fear of all for those who live alone - being suddenly crippled and no-one in earshot wow and yeah dinna fash no alcohol was taken last night laugh I only have one major vice smoking
Ms Cork let there be cake. And if not, hope you know how to light a signal fire without matches.
Jac, glad to be of use laugh and if you ever need it and can't find the copy/paste, remember it is Evian spelled backwards. By purest coincidence, I'm sure grin
Bloody, that goes back to trying to foresee (and therefore bypass) every risk - because for sure nothing that ever has happened to me was covered by insurance sigh

I'm an insurance agent's dream, though - I'm comprehensively covered for everything they can think up. laugh
Barry, how very tactful of you not to add the first line of that excellent quote 'I'm an old man' etc - the older my mum got the more worried her and it used to really bug me that she wasted so much quality of life fretting over the may-never-happen . I do refuse to dwell on my fears (this blog notwithstanding) but it bugs me that they even try to affect my serenity very mad and maybe as I get older they won't be dismissed as easily. uh oh

Having a real problem to deal with actually helps. Nothing for it but to get on with it and not waste thoughts on but-what-if.

thumbs up
lemonika22: "ideal man"(meet us in the top 10 lists)

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