Timely Andy strikes again !
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Rick Scott Accuses Democrats of Trying to Thwart G.O.P.’s Successful Voter Suppression
By Andy Borowitz
11:05 A.M.
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA (The Borowitz Report)—In a hastily called press conference on Thursday evening, Florida Governor Rick Scott accused Democrats of nefariously plotting to undo the Republican Party’s highly successful voter-suppression effort.
“As Republicans, we have worked tirelessly to intimidate, discourage, and otherwise disenfranchise millions of Florida voters,” a visibly enraged Scott said. “We are not about to let Democrats swoop in at the last minute and ruin all of that fine work.”
Scott angrily singled out the Broward County and Palm Beach County supervisors for their “rampant enforcement of the right to vote.”
“They are literally finding votes by people we are a hundred per cent sure we had scared away from the voting booths,” he said. “This will not stand.”
The Florida governor said that if Democrats think that they can undermine the Republicans’ arduous and painstaking efforts to suppress votes in Florida, “they better think again.”
“I will not sit idly by while every vote is counted,” Scott said. “This is Florida, goddammit.”
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Rick Scott Accuses Democrats of Trying to Thwart G.O.P.’s Successful Voter Suppression
By Andy Borowitz
11:05 A.M.
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA (The Borowitz Report)—In a hastily called press conference on Thursday evening, Florida Governor Rick Scott accused Democrats of nefariously plotting to undo the Republican Party’s highly successful voter-suppression effort.
“As Republicans, we have worked tirelessly to intimidate, discourage, and otherwise disenfranchise millions of Florida voters,” a visibly enraged Scott said. “We are not about to let Democrats swoop in at the last minute and ruin all of that fine work.”
Scott angrily singled out the Broward County and Palm Beach County supervisors for their “rampant enforcement of the right to vote.”
“They are literally finding votes by people we are a hundred per cent sure we had scared away from the voting booths,” he said. “This will not stand.”
The Florida governor said that if Democrats think that they can undermine the Republicans’ arduous and painstaking efforts to suppress votes in Florida, “they better think again.”
“I will not sit idly by while every vote is counted,” Scott said. “This is Florida, goddammit.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
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Comments (3)
Wtf...?
I have this idea in my head that a sophisticated country wouldn't stoop to vote fiddling.
Clearly, thinking of the US as a sophisticated country is a prejudice of mine which I should have dealt with the moment Trump was elected.
That Kavanagh business isn't exactly cricket, either. I kinda get how Trump might appeal to the the disenfranchised and bewildered, but it surely doesn't take much reasoning power to realise that Kavanagh should have been properly investigated before giving him such a position.
The position of being above the law is being flaunted like your politicians are the Mafia. I wonder if Trump sends dead canaries to people. Oh, no, I forgot it's he who likes to tweet.
Indeed, several people, such as Comey, referred to his running
the White House like a mafia organization.
For instance, he stresses loyalty to him over loyalty to the country.