The Truly MURKUN Holiday -
Murkuns will soon celebrate the Day that exemplifies them as a a people - BLACK FRIDAY!
I share here a nostalgic look back to a simpler, more quaint time - when the seeds of the Celebration were sown, and how it has blossomed into the purest expression of what is truly Murkun...
...Unvarnished aggression and naked greed
Here are some tips for enjoying the Day...
1) Arrive Early (assuming you've not done so a week ago.)
This serves two purposes.
Living in an E-Z Up tent for a week outside one's targeted mall ensures one a pole position for grabbing the best stuff China has to offer.
Use that week to plot one's strategery: Observe where pallets of the best Chinese stuff will be located; lay out the most direct route to such locations; note which displays might be overturned to slow the competition
2) Prepare Mentally.
Ruthless Greed is the essence of the Day.
Sentimentality or pity may cost one a primo plasma TV. Be prepared to slug it out with kids & pregnant women.
Don't be fooled by such people
The ill-bred brats are ruthless as hell - and the li'l b@stards run fast.
The cunning bltches pad their bellies to gain a sympathy advantage in the mêlée.
Assuming they ARE women, of course
Do NOT let misplaced decency deny you the Chinese stuff you DESERVE
- DON'T BE A SAP!!!! 
3) Prepare Physically. Eat Properly prior to the Day...
AVOID foods that will slow one down or inhibit one's belligerence
Turkey
- It's loaded with L-Tryptophan 
Avoid it like STD!High Carbo Comfort Foods
- Bread dressing & potatoes make one feel, well, COMFY 
'Nuff said.EAT foods such as...
Blood Raw Red Meat. Better yet - Raw Liver
This stimulates aggression and inures one to the sight of blood...so one won't be put off bloodying the sum'bltch grabbing away one's microwave
Caffeinated Beverages raise energy levels; lacing them with Hard Likker stifles inhibition and boosts belligerence...
..
...
I trust these tips will enhance your enjoyment of this Most Murkun Day Of The Year.
Happy Black Friday, Y'all
Comments (19)
I knew you had it in you.
I absolutely hate it.
It is consumerism at its worth.
No matter how I wanted a new Washing Machine or T.V. I can't understand camping outside Brown Thomas or wherever, all night in the freezing cold or the rain, and there is usually only one of each bargain.
Nope, I hate physically fighting and pulling at a Gucci bag and hate the whole designer thing anyway so it is not for me.
What I do love is February, when all is calm and the shop assistants are bored and there is nothing selling... then I go in calmly and get my new Sofa or whatever it is that I need, [not want].
I hate rampant consumerism [call me a curmudgeon] and It ruins Christmas too.
Fortunately you lived to tell the tale.
And a happy Black Friday!
Note to self - Pick up pepper spray en route to Plasma TV.
A real hard core Darwinian shopper fer sher!
Maybe she can score me an iPad...so I can dump this Android POS
The Romans had the gladiator games and all the bloodthirsty spectacle a typical Roman could enjoy. The closest thing we have to let our inner selves step out and roam the premise is Black Friday.