how i manage to laugh through my tears

On January 5th 2005 my grandson was murdered he was two weeks shy of being 1 year old, My daughter his mother is a lost soul in this world
she and my grandson's father were heavey into the drug world and they
had left him in the care of his fathers family and took off on a trip
to get a new start away from the world they were living in, i did not know at the time that the father was in volved in the occult along with all of his family members. He and my daughter got into some trouble and were put into jail, my daughter wanted me to go and get my grandson
but at the time i was too busy in my life to take of a small child so
i made myself believe he was alright with the family he was with, my daughter could not tell me any thing About the occult these people were
involved in so i had no idea, she was released before the dad but she couldnot leave the state she was in until trial but she had gotten dryed out enough to know she had to get away from these people. because she left his father, his father gave my grandson to a sacrifice that is
practiced believe it or not in this world by some very evil people
my grandson was drugged and placed before a 150lb rottriler he was
slaguhtered, these people didnt even take him to a hospital until he was dead for 1 hour and they tried to make it look as an accident, they
made funeral arrangements and buried him so fast that neither me or my daughter were able to see him one last time, i have hired one of the best laywers in Texas to investigate all this there are so many things that
were covered up even the police in this town are in volved in this occult
For a long time i was just dead inside i blamed my self for not going and bringing him home this i will live with the rest of my life
every day was just a fog as the months went by i got on an even plane with myself but still felt lost
two days before his birthday january 28th i recieved an autospy report
from our laywer i had to look to make sure it was him, no mother or grandmother should ever have to see what i had to see

i can not make the images go away completely but i can soften them
by finding laughfter and love every i go
on his birthday i was reading cs forums and came across the angel thread it was a light to my darkest moments i found a place where
people could be themselves so open and caring
Having cs forums has been a haven to me ever since some days are really tuff to get thru it sure help when i can laugh with yall
cry with yall rejoice with yall share with yall i dont know how cs got started but i wonder if they how many lives this great place
and all the great people it enriches with the light some of us need
through the darkness