Therapy

It's almost been a year now since I semi retired and moved a hundred miles to Tampa where my elderly folks live. I've talked for many years about my intentions to move here in retirement to help them but I never actually considered retireing.

The way life played out was a home went up for sale suddenly in my old neighborhood near my folks. One of my BFFs from 40 years ago called me in Orlando and said the place next to her went up for sale and it was going to move fast. Someone died in it though, of course she neglected to tell me that at first. Anyways I drove up, couldn't resist the deal and bought it for a place to retire to. It sat empty for a couple of years while I used it as a vacation home when I visited Tampa. My boss encouraged me to make a plan for retirement, which was to take two years to phase me out. Next month it becomes final. First time in a long time I didn't work my buns off keeping with clients and their taxes from Jan to April.

Oh but destiny decided I wasn't going to have a drama free tax season. You may remember at the beginning of Jan. I mentioned Mom falling at a doctor's office fracturing and dislocating her shoulder along with a back and leg injury. Up until her fall, I wasn't much use to my foks because Mom had Dad under control doing everything. Until she fell, all us four kids worked together and being the only retired one, I got to really help. Well Dad' Alzeimers flared during Mom's down time. He has ended up falling five times since her injury and is now in a physical rehab center. Everyone speaks spanish there except Mom and I. Dad can't remember his spanish. He also has an awful time staying awake. I think he sleeps 22 hours a day.

Today he looked good and was lucid but yesterday as I sat there I thought I was just watching him die. On one hand I almost wish he would pass peacefully in his sleep but on the other hand I hope he recovers enough to come home for Mom's sake.

I can't imagine being an only child and taking all this on alone so I'm thankful for both brothers and baby sister who by the way has Lupas. She should be nearing retirement but she too is in love with a job she is married to so who knows if she will or not.

Anyways, I write all this as therapy for me. I was putting on a pair of shorts awhile ago because it is so hot then I realized I haven't heard any news in weeks so I don't know if it is cold still anywhere or any other dangers going on.

I'm sure glad my home fell into my lap because I think it is one of the best places I've ever lived. I'm loving the living even if everything feels like it's going to hell in a hand basket on one hand yet on the other I'm blessed beyond my wildest dreams to still have my folks and all siblings.

Comments (23)

It's great that you can see the positives as well as the negatives from your new life.
Yes, it is definitely more difficult for only children as they have to make all decisions themselves, do everything themselves.
But I have also seen larger families who fight over everything, and no decisions are made. Or if one is made, some don't agree but are outvoted and then react badly.
The best way is for the siblings to work together for the good of the parent, no matter their personal preferences.
Wow girl, you have your plate full for sure.
Yes you are lucky to have siblings and it looks like you all get along nicely.
It is not an easy job to have to take care of elderly parents, but that is what we have to do.
Bless you for doing exactly that, taken care if your parents

In my family there were 7 of us, one above me and three below me, passed away
It would not have mattered anyway as there was a lot of sibling rivalry, sad but true teddybear
lshtar
Hi Fay, I just want to send you a huge hug.
Hope Fay all the write downs are proving successful therapy for you hug

teddybear
Fay I feel your pain. I am an only child, the only child that lived anyway. My sister only lived 3 hours. My dad did die in his sleep, he was up joking with my uncle one minute and went to bed and was gone...plus he didn't know who I was, that was a little hard to handle. My mom knew she was going to die and ask me to please bring someone to the hospital with me the next day. She left 5 minutes after we were there. I've seen too much death, so now I call it leaving, I can handle that better.

Fay this is your time to relax, there's nothing you can change but yourself.
You deserve this...so enjoy it wine

teddybear
usha123
Hi Fay,
You are doing an amazing job. Stay strong. Old age, sicknesses, frailty and all is part and parcel of life. Your love and care, and being there for them, is the difference and the blessing to your parents. (I don't like to see parents in retirement homes.)

bouquet
You have a great outlook and positivity makes things work out handshake makes everything doable, really!
teddybear
Yes hard job ahead, no retirement I'm afraid, hug tears too as things move on. Alzheimer's is a soul robbing illness.

But you have to find a little bit of life for yourself too, join a club of interest, anything for down time for yourself.

I wish you well and send hugs.hug
UnFayzed
Thank you everyone for such positive feedback and yes Itchywitch it is always good therapy when I write. I wrote a lot when I first became widowed then when I read it years later I did so without feeling the agony of the moments when I was writing.

Nothing is forever.

Mom has always said I have the ability to find good in any situation so I think that is a blessing. Other than what my folks are going through, I couldn't ask for a better life. Everywhere I turn there is something to be thankful for.

Remember I have a little 3 pound ball of fur going with me everywhere, my little pocket purse dog. Even Dad without his mind doesn't have to know the dog's name to melt by her cuteness. Not one place in Tampa has tried to kick me out so Tampa is much more dog friendly than Orlando.

Let me go knock on wood now.
Nothing is forever.

Death is. Sorry...
I have heard for many such therapy has proven very successful, long may they continue being that way for you as well... good luck to you Fay concerning everything teddybear
UnFayzed
Thank you. Luck is something I've always had an abundance of but it goes both ways and I'm okay with that.
Thats awesome u can be there for your family.lots of luck and good days for you and your parents.teddybear
Vierkaesehoch
UF, yep. That what you practice, or a caring confidante, rarely a Pastor, and a few other sources, to my mind, are hands down better than almost all "trained therapists"--- at least for the less severe spectrum of psychological stress. More severely challenged folks should present to their nurse ot physician for more targeted disposition. The problems with many of these counselors are legion. Training/experience deficits, rank arrogance, serious mismatches with the client, distracting/biasing baggage in their own psychic closets, ---all can lead to major blind spots in their practices. There are some good ones, and these often come recommended by trusted members of our communities, have been there for much time, participate in ongoing training, and for difficult cases, will seek supervision. Importantly, the really good ones will work with us for a few weeks, and, honestly sensing a mismatch, will openly discuss such and provide referrals for continued help. Rarely, however, such discrepancies are actually grist for the therapeutic mill, and the good therapists will know, and perhaps keep us under their wings.
Love your positivite attitude, Fay thumbs up cheering
*positive* doh
UnFayzed
Thank you all. Out of nowhere one of my Mom's neighbor's gave me an antique dresser that she inherited. A different neighbor delivered it today. I have an empty bedroom so I accepted it. Just went in there to look at it and it's beautiful, WOW just wow. I'm trying to keep that empty bedroom empty until I decide if I want a craft room or an extra bedroom. That dresser will hold an awful lot of supplies.

I was a bad daughter today. I didn't go inside the rehab center to see Dad but I did pick up Mom from there and drive her home. sigh Dad won't remember if I went to see him or not. I feel a little guilty but that's my problem.

I've been eating very healthy for the last three weeks and I think that has done wonders for my attitude and stamina. I swear I'm watching my Momma wither away. She was a tiny bird in her last life I think.

I've researched Home Health Care and it sounds reasonable to have assistance go to my folks. They offer all kinds of services from personal hygene, to doing chores like changing the bedding, showers, grocery shopping or taking to the doctors. The prices are fair! I think having someone come give them assistance is better then moving them out of their lifelong home into new place to die. Dad has made it well known that he wants to die in his home. If all goes well he will leave in his sleep. Life doesn't usually go that well though.
OMG, Fay!! You won’t believe this, I’ve been eyeing this one vintage dresser for my daughter for the past 2 weeks.

I saw it online and had been liaising with the seller to go over to his place to take a good look at it.



So, after few messages and change of plans, I finally managed to drive to his place which is like 30mins away. It was a nice drive through the Malay village.


My daughter has decided not to follow me to the US coz she’s now going very steady with this one guy who’s working at the same company as she is. Well, she’s old enough to make decisions for herself, having just turned 21 a week ago.

Her boyfriend has been asking her to decorate his new house. I went to his place last week and it was sparsely decorated and when I saw this vintage dresser, I knew instantly it’d be perfect for his hallway love




Her boyfriend and I were messaging back and forth, trying to think of the best way to send the dresser to his place, which is like a 3-hr drive.


You must show me your antique dresser, Fay! I just love antiques smitten
Fay, my late maternal grandma was completely bedridden after her stroke.

My mom talked to her 5 other siblings and decided to have their mom staying with her. 2 younger brothers ( my uncles ) chipped in financially.

My grandma was looked after by 2 carers, 24/7. One of them, whom my grandma liked very much, has been working for my mom for the past 34 years.
She got her daughter to come to help out looking after my grandma. I like her daughter very much coz she was living with me and helping me out when I was living in Macau. My kids like her too.

The arrangement was perfect coz we knew my grandma was in good hands. After the stroke, she went on to live for another 5 years. She passed away 2 1/2 years ago. She is reunited with my grandpa now....sad flower sad flower sad flower
I believe Fay sometimes there is kindness in death sad flower

As for that problem of yours hug
tomorrow is a new day and hopefully you will rise to being a stronger you .. I know its easier said then done but try not put off till tomorrow what you can do today, one never knows when kindness might step in, if you don't ... you'll be dealing with a problem you'll always have to live with compared to the one you can now change.... whilst its in your hands, you MUST step up, simple as end of teddybear
timotie
UnFay angel
I read it and felt sorry for your mom and dad. hug
You will be rewarded for taking care of them by GOD.
I really appreciate your bravery to tackle them.
Stay Happy Healthy and Blessed. bouquet
peace handshake
UnFayzed
Again my heart thanks all of you. I will take Mum to see Dad in a little while. I will walk her back to him and stay for a visit before coming home.

Mimi the mirror on the dresser I have looks much like yours. The dresser itself has drawers with crystal like knobs. I LOVE THOSE KNOBS. I haven't seen those in years. I remember when door handles were made to look like those crystal like knobs.

I don't know how to post a picture for you Mimi or I would. I know how to email or text it but not how to post it to CS.

It has been blistering hot here the last few days. This morning it is NOT sweltering, it's almost a bit cool. Today is going to be a great day.
Fay, if the photo you have is on your computer, click the green 'Edit this Blog' on your blog. It will bring up 4 tabs. Click on 4. Upload and you can upload photos to your blog profile. When you are in the edit mode copy & paste into the blog or comments.
UnFayzed Contributions
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