What Makes You Happier?
What is not often addressed is the effect over time.
We do sometimes see stories about what it's like coming home from war, but very rarely see stories about what it's like decades later.
This is not just a portrait of suffering. It's about relationships ... how that damage interacts with intimate relationships... with Love.
I recently saw a film, based on a true story “THE RAILWAY MAN” that tells the extraordinary and epic true story of Eric Lomax, a British Army officer who was tormented as a prisoner of war at a Japanese labour camp during World War II.Did Eric Lomax really track down his former captor with the intent to kill him?
NO, but Eric's wife Patti says that, until he set eyes on his former Japanese tormentor, Takashi Nagase, he had been threatening to do him harm. However, The Railway Man true story reveals that, unlike the film, the real Eric Lomax's intention was more about finding closure rather than seeking revenge.
The movie depicts Eric meeting with his unsuspecting former captor in order to seek retribution, only to change his mind during the encounter.
Eric later wrote that the reunion gave him "a resolution for which he had been searching for years."Did Eric Lomax forgive his former tormentor Takashi Nagase?
YES. In his memoir, Eric writes, "Meeting Nagase has turned him from a hated enemy - with whom friendship would have been unthinkable - into a blood-brother.
"If I'd never been able to put a name to the face of one of the men who had harmed me, and never discovered that behind that face there was also a damaged life, the nightmares would always have come from a past without meaning."
This is one dramatic example of someone seeking closure with the choice of forgiveness or revenge.
But there are many examples in everyday life where people can be eaten by their hate and desire for revenge and often the opportunity to achieve this never arises. So they will spend their life poisoned.
The solution really is to see if you can find your own closure by trying to forgive. After all, the other person may be mentally disturbed and/or had a terrible youth and/or upbringing which drove them to the evil deeds they committed. You cannot change the past but closure must be found somehow. Have you had such experiences? Or, do you know someone who has?