Dignity
My Dad was a proud man all his life. As a Father he was a hypocrite who taught us do as he said not as he did. No one is perfect. He loved the family and we are a large loving happy family.Last year after a few accidents I bought Dad a box of Adult pull ups. It is probably the only time ever in my life that Mom got mad at me and rolled her eyes into the back of her head because I insulted Dad's dignity by buying pull ups. I told Mom I would give them away but at least take 3 in case Dad get's sick in which case, he loses control.
Two months later Mom called and asked me to order more, they prevented the mess from accidents. Still he did not lose his dignity in full. Now after being in this rehab facility for five months, he has virtually no dignity left. He has been in Adult diapers (I didn't even know they made them) and has no problem with anyone seeing him in them. The disease strips one completely of their dignity.
In my mind, I've already lost Dad. He may recognize me when I enter but forgets I was there ten minutes later. Soon he won't even know me. The worst part is that he sleeps 22 hours out of a 24 hr. day. That is no life, none, nadda, asta la bye bye. If he would have known this was his destiny he would have taken himself out last year. If death with dignity were offered here, one bro and myself would vote for him to take it, however the rest of the family would consider that blasphemy. They want him alive whether he is gone in his mind or not. When Dad was young he was the same, his Dad was in a dead coma with a strong heart and my Dad kept pounding him to keep that heart beating for as long as he could because he couldn't let go.
He has good insurance so the doctors will keep him alive most likely for years to come. Maybe it would be a good thing if he didn't have insurance. I would never dream of letting one of my dogs suffer, as much as it kills me, and it does, I put them down when they are stripped of a quality life.
Comments (16)
but when death shines its kindness down upon him the worst will be for YOU.
Loss from the heart is more empty then that from the mind.....
once he's not in pain, why make yourself suffer looking back to how he was, make the most whilst he still IS..
I don't like to see or know that someone is suffering from chronic health conditions.
Sure he wouldn't want you to see him like that either but that is what you have to deal with.
No, it's not about the money and quality of life 'should' prevail. But you're getting his extended life and all you can do is look after him the best way you can.
He's still your Dad and he would have done the same for you if things had happened too soon.
All due respects to a man who sleeps for 22 hours a day, he's better off,
I think at the brink, we may make a choice, unless of course we have some catastrophic trauma which makes life untenable.
The thing I wonder about is losing cognitive capacity. It is the power of the mind which enables us to survive, or let go of life.
If you were to fight for what you think your father would have wanted in the full capacity of his mind, I would think that a most noble battle in painful circumstances. I also appreciate that there are other family members, including yourself, who you need to care for.
I believe in the right to die with dignity if the choice is there, and the person has the capacity to make that choice.
But some people would always choose to battle it out to the very end anyway.
Think of it as the illness as having no dignity, not your father. He is still a man with his dignity and pride.
If you haven't already read it, read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.
Our loved ones deserve to end their lives with dignity
...accepting and appreciating is the best we can do (I think anyway)..
For you to write about your father the way you did here, he must have been a great man.
I am a supporter of euthanasia myself and have let my sons know my wishes if such unfortunate happening robs me of life, did your dad ever talk to you???
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I have also talked to my kids and one brother and we all know what we each want. I was much more open with my children then my parents were with us.
"Next To The Person I Was Visiting Was A Kid...Just 19 Yrs Old"
"He Had Been In A Car Accident Years Ago"
"He Couldnt Talk..... Or Eat .(Tube In His Stomach)....Or Move"...(And Every Time I Went There?...He'd Be Sleeping"
(Just Like You Have Said About Your Father)
"And He'd Been This Way For Years"
"Why Cant A Person In This Way Just Be.......... "Let Go?"
"I Think Its Rather Cruel To Keep Someone Alive In This State"
"Ive Told My Son And Some "Reliable People" That If I Became Paralyzed?"
"Do Me In...Dont Leave Me Stuck Inside Myself"
"And Yes... I Do Understand What Youre Saying Miss Unfayzed"................
I agree with Fiorenza.
You see, a long time ago I had a friend who was in a comma after having a terrible car accident. His family decided to put him down due to financial reason. I asked my Dad if he would do the same thing if I were in the same situation. He said:
"I will never give up. I will do anything to save you. If you're already dead, no machine can help. If the machine can help, then that means you are alive. No one can avoid death, but I will do my best for you while you're still alive."
I didn't mind answering his same question every 10 minutes due to his illness.
I didn't mind even if he couldn't remember me completely.
No matter what, he's my Dad. I love him very much.
I did everything I could to help him fight and win his last battle..
I did for him what he said he would do for my life
That's what I call ":Death with Dignity"
My daughter insisted her comatose 91 year-old gran be put on a drip when everyone else, including her father, was prepared to let the old lady follow her long-gone mind into oblivion. She lasted another 3 weeks without ever fully gaining consciousness. I have made it as clear as I can that she is not to do that with me, but she's still got that stubborn look on her face...
My father died of pneumonia in care at 89 - he had wanted to go for a while, he didn't even try to fight it, as the saying goes he turned his face to the wall and was gone in 24 hours. He remembered me, the last time I saw him (he was 87), before I left for the UK, and understood where I was going, but he hadn't a clue who my daughter was - asked her politely how she was enjoying her holiday in SA, and how her parents were. She rolled a slightly wild eye at me and said well, Mom's fine ...
At this point in my life, and I have no idea how I'd react if I had to make a difficult choice, I don't believe in ending life before time, but I don't believe in extending it into overtime either. Go when it is time to go.