How to date
I was 25 when I opened up myself for a romantic relationship. My friends said that it wasn't even real because it was online. We met and carry our relationship online without meeting up in person. To me it was real, i meant every word and everything I did for our relationship. However, we still separated after 4 years.Moving on, I got lonely, and even when its dangerous and there's too much prejudice attached to a filipina dating in Saudi Arabia, I did it for my loneliness. And because I can bend some rules at my own risk.
After numerous dates though, mostly meeting the guys once, some twice and 2 a few months and 1 labeled relationship, I realized the men (non saudis, expats like me) won't look for anything more than casual. It broke my heart more than the breakup with my boyfriend for 4 years.
So yeah, i don't know if its better for me to take myself back online, or continue dating men without a hope for future. Or stop all the effort and just wait for God's perfect time.
Comments (36)
I believed in destiny and all it did is push me to believe even when I should have given up already. And now, it was wasted time. Thankfully, I am all grown up now and i believe i have to take charge.
Thanks for your thoughts though Johnny.
He was just wasting your time he played you
I get your drift. And I agree, that God does not matchmake in heaven. I have read (or watched in a video) recently that who we marry is our choice part of the free will granted to us. But boh, what a big responsibility. If i can just throw away the desire to be with someone, id just be an oldmaid with my dog and cat and my books and coffee. But this desire grows stronger as loneliness does. I pray and pray for God to just take it away, but i guess its a part of a big lesson i need to learn. And im learning, slowly. I'm impatient, but oh well, one day at a time. My issue is im 31.
I get the being friends with the ex, because I'm bestfriends with one of my exes. We're very cool.
Anyway. Im glad youre rocking your social life. Music festivals are cool! Im not familiar with the Mongels, but I'll educate myself later.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Jegas. Have a great day. Good bless you too!
Thanks for doing that experiment you did, now your experience gave me valuable tips on who not to meet in person. But for me personally, i dont entertain people who do not post profile pictures. It's either they don't have enough confidence or they're hiding something, or they're fake. Eitherway isn't good.
With regards to the time waster, i wasnt referring to my ex of 4 years. (Although i admit i should have given up hope sooner if i knew we weren't going to be together.) I wholeheartedly, believe that he was sincere and not just playing with me. Its just that the circumstances are too difficult to overcome. I meant dating here in Saudi. Meeting guys that would never be serious anyway, i wish i didn't wasted time on them. But i was lonely, and a little naive. So yeah, I'll have to be more forgiving of my shortcomings.
Thanks
Although l agree on agree on your view with destiny, I don't think believing in it is being dumb. I think its more on being naive and innocent.
I believed in it because of the books Ive read and the shows I watched promoted it. That for every man, there is a woman made perfectly for him. Romanticised and a fairytale. And it sold well on girls like i was back then. But girls turn to adults and reality strikes hard. Some realize early, some late, and some with lots of pain and consequences. I am blessed to although realized late, got a tolerable pain with less consequences. I started late in my love life, so i guess, the line is straight. If i started sooner, i would have realised sooner. But oh well, i digress.
Thanks for reading my blog.
We met finally 2 weeks ago - he flew from Australia to Europe for a wedding and invited me to be his plus 1.
We had a wonderful week together, his family were lovely, very welcoming.
He has decided though that it is an impossible dream because of the distance between us - like you I am also heartbroken, but I have the consolation of at least meeting him and the special memories I have made.
It will take time before I can start dating again - but I will lift myself up, dust myself off - after all life is for living and his life will go without me and mine will too.
Be selective with your dates, get to know them a little before meeting - I am a lot older than you but I still believe that there is someone out there - just for me.
Good luck with your search, and remember the greatest love is to love yourself :) Be careful and stay safe.
p.s My daughter is dating a Filipina and he is a lovely man.
About the distance thing , that's all relative. I've dated a girl from Iceland who came to live in my home country, and after we broke up, I started dating one of her friends, and I went to live in her country (Sweden), and when the relationship ended, I came back to my home. That means I'm willing to move, and I found people who were also willing to move. It's not that difficult noawadays.
Will I do it again? Of course my first response is "HELL NO", but then, I'm already travelling back up north in a few months. Almost as if I was looking for it.
You can't control love. Just let it happen. It's almost like death, in a sense, but it just makes you feel alive.
No matter how you meet people, meeting a mate is difficult. And it becomes more difficult the older you get.
Must be hard for a Filipina to meet people in a foreign country. I wish you the best of luck and happiness.
Thank you! Going out and meeting people in person is a little but difficult here in Saudi. It needs ton of guts and great caution.
Yes, when I broke up with my ex, my afterthought is that I won't do online dating again. But boy, its difficult around here. So, I really cannot say anything like I won't change my mind. Because, here I am.
Hahaha, Im sure she meant Filipino.
Thank you for your kind words. We filipinos pride ourselves with our welcoming nature. I am glad that you like our culture, of course not all of us are the same, but I hope that you won't meet anyone that will change your mind about us.
Indeed, looking for a relationship partner is difficult may it be online or in person. Because most of the people wouldnt be upfront with what they want. I might be wrong, maybe there really is just one man for woman, and we spend our life looking for that other half. Im done romanticising anything and Im not hoping, but Im open if someday I'd be proven wrong.
I used to believe in the "one special person for you" theory when I was a child. But then I realized ... what are the chances of ANYONE ever meeting the ONE person for them on the entire planet. If there is only one right person, no one would EVER meet the right person for them.
I think it is more about the person that "you" are. (I don't mean just you personally, but everyone). You have to be in the right frame of mind to meet someone. Your heart has to be open and you have to be brave enough to let your guard down. Sometimes people reach a stage where that is impossible for them to do.
I think that if your heart and mind are in the right place, there are a lot of potential people who you can have a happy life and wonderful relationship with. It's more about "you" then them. Two people both have to be in the right place in their hearts and minds at the same time. That's why it is so difficult, but also why it is so valuable. Rarity makes value.
Hi, thanks for stopping by. Yes, I make sure that I somehow get to know the person even just 2 weeks before meeting them for coffee or dinner. I want to somehow see if they're trustworthy at least. Most guys would agree to exchanging messages for a while first. But there are those that just want everything fast, and those people I shun. I am alone here so I have to take care of myself. I have to be responsible so as not to worry my folks at home.
Thank you Dolphin. I wish your daughter and her filipino boyfriend a great and lasting relationship.
I think it is a shame your online relationship did not work out, but I am sure there were warning signs before it ended.
Noting you differentiate between going back online, or continuing dating. What about dating men in whom there is hope for a future? Yes, I know the problem is where to find them. LoL I have the same problem with finding women with a hope for a future. Recent experiences imply we never really know anything about a future. Just find one you are happy with and do as much as possible with that relationship past the casual.
I agree that rarity gives value. And everything that requires much effort will be valued and maintained with care. So, i agree.
I think I am ready. And even when I gor disappointed contless times now, I am still open and hoping.
It may sound hopeless romantic, but there's nothing wrong with it.
Thank you
I get what you mean. I am dreaming of someday going to America and experience how to live there. However I wanna do it my own way. I am a nurse and with hard work, I can do it. It may take time, but its doable.
If I fall in love with someone who's located there, and we both agree that it is best for us for me to be there, then I think its ok. But I dont want to act interested in someone just to achieve that american dream. I dont ever want to use or take advantage of anyone for my benefit. I have principles and Im very stubborn.
Of course I dont intentionally date men who do not have plans for the future. But dating is a trial and error. There are some who arent clear of their intentions. I guess its because when their intention is known, theh know I wouldn't agree. Anyway, theyre all in the past. Everything is going to be fine. For sure.
Thanks for stopping by
Good profession for coming to the USA. We have a shortage of nurses here and it is a profession that will become more and more important in the coming years. Plus it pays very well here if you advance your education to get higher level certifications in nursing.
Yes, being a nurse is a blessing, i can go anywhere and I will never be jobless! I thank God that he lead me to the right profession. I am very grateful.
I am still hoping for UK for now though, it had always been my dream to tour Europe since Ive seen those beautiful European places on our encyclopedia when I was a child. I'd like to fulfill my travel dreams while I can run fast and jump and dance without the pain in my joints.
I am grateful to be an OFW, i am able to support my family and as well as live my life independently. Its difficult to be an adult, but, Im surviving.
You are right, dating the wrong people over and over again scars my heart and trust. I pray I don't become cynical. That i will always maintain this sweet hope that carries me through no matter the pain of disappointments in cycle.
Thanks for this music, i love david pomeranz. Its a little bittersweet though at the moment. But I know someday it will sound just sweet when I listen to it.
Thabks for your concern. God bless you
Aww, its ok, this is a place where everyone can express anything without judgment.
This is great music for when Im cleaning up my space. I love me an upbeat one. Although, it's not something i listen to on my dates.
Yes, I know that now. Maybe I was just too naive to accept everything one person says. Thinking because I won't lie, that they'd return the favor. However, some people can still face themselves on the mirror after deceiving someone. Gawd, I sound so naive its embarrassing!
I agree that meeting people in real life is way more fun and practical. But I want to be open to every possibility, so.. Hence, Im here.
Thank you