Memories...

One of the bloggers here, commented about dreaming live and dead people, and his experience, kinda reminded me of this diary entry from several years ago, and then I realised, this December it's all happening again. How creepy a coincidence can be! So here it is:

I am going insane. I must really be going insane... The visions in my dreams are becoming clearer with every week passing. The feelings I have, cannot be described in words. The idea, whether it is true or not true, is absolutely gorgeous....I even woke up crying a few times. Think what you will, but I, me, instead of writing/talking about sex, or cool cars or work, instead of talking about depression, instead of talking about any number of topics that are repeated every f*cking day...I am going for the impossible. Through the majestic beauty of being lost in the middle of nowhere, I am SUBLIMINALLY sending out signals to anyone, hoping that someone/something would pick up on the concept I have, and answer this messenger's cry for help.
Should I buy a radio at the Clas Ohlson down the Nacka Forum?

Well, to me it makes some sense. I dunno, to me, this idea is the greatest idea in the history of love/friendship. Don't judge it, suspend judgement, and just think about how I felt at that moment. Try to feel it, go back to the message I wrote and read it over...DO IT NOW!

Yeah man, I mean, I have to come back, mostly not specifically because of the last trip to XXXXX, but because the first trip to XXXXX. Because I was lost. I was lost AND found. My life started over on that day I lost the BSÍ flybus in XXXXX, because I hated that cold, dark and lost place so much, but I made up my mind to do it, and here I am; coming back. Because when I got there I felt a calling, I felt like my life was going to be good, and I felt the f*cking Earth move under me when I felt the stunning presence of the spirit. For the first time I had faith, and it got me high, REAL HIGH. I was tripping balls dude, hard already. Let's just say I went up, and I haven't come down. So I guess you could say, what goes up doesn't necessarily have to come down once you have faith, true faith, and love.

So yeah, it'll take a few months, and I'll be back, this time for good, forever; because I won't fight its will anymore. It wants me back forever, and I need to keep searching for that thing forever, so it's a good deal.
Hopefully the bad dreams will stop when I come back. All those moments from my past, from the last years. Those moments were the scariest occurrences of my life. I would wake up pressed against my bed. My eyes would be open, but I couldn't move at all. I was paralysed and it took all the strength I had just to lift my arms and break free. I could wake up, be pinned and be looking at the clock. I thought I was being possessed by demons. I would pray like crazy asking Jesus to help me make the demons go away.

I still remember the marks of the sheet wrinkles printed all over my chest.
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created Aug 2019
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