Sulking Lovers
Sulking is a nurtured anger combined with a refusal to discuss the cause of that anger. When we sulk we need our partners to understand and to refrain from doing anything to get us out of it.
(We're not talking about chronic sulkers today and I'm concentrating on sulks where the anger was not caused by the partner but by an external source, maybe work-related, and as such not aimed at the partner. Although the sulker needs time to work out the anger alone, he/she may not need or want to be alone.)
Do you get uptight or worried when your partner goes into a sulk? Don't. You should feel honored when at the receiving end of a sulk. It means that your partner trusts you enough to believe that you understand his or her unspoken hurt without having to explain it. That is one of the gifts of love.
Sulking can be traced back to our earliest childhoods; the silent understanding. In the womb, we never had to explain. Our every need was catered for and this continued well into our first few carefree years. We didn’t have to ask; caring and loving grown-ups guessed what we needed. They found the reasons for our discomforts while we were unable to put it to words.
That is probably why even the most eloquent among us may prefer not to spell things out when our partners fail to understand us properly. Only when we don’t have to explain do we feel certain that we are properly understood and only then do we believe that our partners fully understand us.
We may be adults living in an adult world but deep inside we remain infants; needing our partners to be our parents. We need them to correctly guess what is troubling us, as our parents did when we were babies; the time when our concepts of love were first formed.
We do our sulking lovers the greatest possible favor when we are able to handle their tantrums as we would handle those of an infant.
Now don't sulk; here is a banana for you.
Comments (46)
Am I to assume that neither of you had any further reason to sulk?
You made a very good observation.
But I made a big mistake with this blog. I never mentioned that this blog is not dedicated to those. It is a bit late to realize but I will have to qualify the blog. Thanks!
The same here, I should have been more clear about this in my blog. I was not thinking about serial sulkers or sulking where the anger is directed at the partner. I was more thinking along the lines that the reason for the sulk was external; like work-related or so. In other words, although the sulker needs to work this out alone, he/she may not want to be alone. Thanks to you too for exposing my error.
Once I have done enough sulking I tell I was only acting. There is no fun in sulking for real.
Hiya cat.