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My Ship Came In

A few days ago I received an important message in my Inbox. At first I thought it was a scam but after establishing contact with the lawyer to establish that he was not talking about Zim Dollars, Canadian Dollars or Aussie Dollars but US Dollars, and after a lot of other thinking – I do think a lot idea – and I’m convinced it is genuine. Let me share the secret with you. wink

The message read:

Dear Friend,
I am secretery to Xxxxxxx Xxxx, a lawyer and personal attorney to the late business man from your country he died many years ago, my boss request your consent to present you as the next of kin with the following relatives in order to continue to release his unknown deposits to you which are estimated at $ 3.5 million.

Kindly get contact him in his email address at ( [email protected] ) to enable him give you the details of the said fund if interesting.

Regards Barrister Xxxxxxx Xxxx

Some will say that I’m just greedy but that is not true. This is too much money for me and when I get this money, I’m going to share it with my fellow bloggers. On the day when I receive the money, I will share it equally among those who have blogs on the first page. If you have two blogs there at the time, you will collect twice, and so on. So you guys better start blogging. hmmm

Knowing Blogland as I do, there will probably be a few ungrateful trolls to ridicule my kindness but I have bad news for them. There is a catch to it – isn’t there always? giggle

Some blogs will be disqualified and the money will be forfeited to me – I deserve some of it as well, don’t I? Political blogs, religious blogs, blogs with very little or no text or substance, and blogs older than 12 hours will be disqualified. Likewise, bloggers who differ from me, curse at me or show any other form of hostility will also be disqualified. If I play this right I may end up keeping all the money for myself. laugh

Those who think they may qualify on the day are welcome to forward their bank cards and pin numbers in the meantime to expedite prompt payment when the time comes. idea

You don’t have to thank me for this. I do it from the depth of my heart in order to promote a better camaraderie between bloggers. buddies
cats meow cats meow

Start blogging guys, that money can come any day now. rolling on the floor laughing

Comments (28)

Eish... I'm doomed doh
are you trying to close "internet" ?

Cat, wave cheers
Now Cat, maths was never my favourite subject in school, but I endeavoured and finally worked out what my share would be nerd
I gave that a generic numerical value of 100

Then I made out a spreadsheet balancing that against the qualifying criteria you laid down, giving each of those a separate numerical value.

A numeric pros and cons list if you like.

For example- not mentioning politics - 2 points. Not mentioning religion -10 points etc. Get the idea?

Anyway, after exhaustive work, I have finally, and sadly come to a conclusion. I shan't be participating in your kind competition moping

When I went back over the figures, I worked out that it basically because of 2 scores

These were:

Cursing at you; 500 points

Not differing from you - 1, 500 points

molly, huh?
Hi Diova,
How so? confused
laugh wine
hi Boggie
Me? Never! innocent
cheers wave
Hi Molly,
It's not a competition. It is something for nothing but if you snooze you lose.laugh
wine hug
Hi Chat,
Pay no attention to her. She's a troll.laugh
cheers wave
The story of my life, Cat blues


you certainly have as they say ''the gift of the gab''cheers
There's still time to make it. dancing dancing
wine hug
Hi Pedro,
Naw! Just an optimist.laugh
cheers wave

the way you put sentences together to what you mean is 100%

I'd like to think my new best friend Joseph would qualify. I replied to his first email remarking it was most unlikely for a Englishman to address a stranger as dear and got back this totally reasonable explanation ...

"Hello dear sorry for the late reply, well your first appearance show we re bold in same sense of honor I presume, well like i said before. My names are (deleted) I live in America, (his profile says Manchester) I am 59 years old, a citizen of the US But originally from England, my dad was from England while my mom was from the US, and they are both late years ago. I am a divorce, please I’m not always here due to the nature of my job it will be better we communication true email or hangouts, looking forward to read from you."

I'm sure he'd rather hear from your barrister. So would I. Your requirements are noted, I have one older blog to tidy up and then shall set myself to producing at least 2 original and thoughtprovoking blogs a day until my share arrives. It isn't impossible this could end up a 50/50 split and I do thank you for this wonderful and generous opportunity, my share can be sent to my Paypal account. "Looking forward too much to read from you"

Hi Pedro,
And yet people still misunderstand me all of the time. laugh
Hi FruitSalads
Ah, so here we a have a woman who knows what she wants. Quite unlike somebody who's not to good with mathematics.laugh
wine hug
Dear Mr. Cat, I am most terribly hurt and upset at your blatant disregard for, and bias against, my devastating illness of dyscalculia.

It is because of attitudes like this, along with racism and sexism, that the world is in such turmoil and full of fear and hatred.

You have never had to wake up crying, in a cold sweat, in the dead of night, thinking of the ridicule you sustained the previous day at the hands of a white cis male accountant belittling my efforts.

Therefore, with a heavy heart, and I am not doing it for me you understand, but for all the silenced dyscalculiarians of the world, I shall be getting my lawyer to write to your lawyer.

Luckily, I share a lawyer and personal attorney to the late business man from your country who died many years ago, so my award will be directly linked with any unknown deposits of his which are deposited into your account.

If you wish to avoid the front page news of such a court case, please make a substantial donation immediately into the Holiday Fund for Dyscalcularians I have hurriedly set up in anticipation.

Yours etc
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

I fear that, due to the poor ZAR/US$ exchange rate, I can only contribute Zim$ 20.00 to your charity. Will that be acceptable?
wine hug
if you send me 19.99 I will tell you how to avoid scammers......professor
Ok Mischief,
I'll undertake to pay Zim$ 19.99 into your banking account upon receiving your bank card and pin number.
wine hug
I suffer from erectile dyslexia and accidentally deposited 7 million USD into your bank
account, Cat.

If you could send just $5,000 of it back so I can pay my rent this month, it would be much much so that you can keep the change!thumbs up
I wish I could help right now but all my assets had been frozen pending an insolvency claim. With your generous contribution, I'll be able to rehabilitate myself with a few bucks to spare but I think it is rather selfish of you to make such demands while I have so much trouble.doh
cheers wave
My Ship Came In yay

I was at the airport moping

Hi Miclee,
Sheezzz! Wrong place at the wrong time. Better luck next time,comfort
cheers wave
"Kindly get contact him in his email address at ( [email protected] )"

That could have been reported to

That is, if we want to stop this crap and quit acting like city kids walking a pasture for the first time and "discovering" that some cow-pies make good frisbees.
Hi Cattie, as you are so keen to tell people that I'm you sister, do I qualify for a cut of the cargo on your ship?laugh
Hi Bea,
Definitely not! Nepotism is just another form of corruption. You will have to .in the line like everybody else. grin
wine hug
Hi Kornbluth,
Thank you very much. It’s fantastic to know that the blog police are so efficient and therefore I have the pleasure to inform you that the necessary reporting was done long before I even thought of this blog. So now, my civic duties being done in trying to stop this crap, there is no need for you to stop playing with your frisbees. doh

And while you’re at it – just to avoid sunburn – the fresh cow-pies make good hats! No bullshit. You should try a few, you’re likely to find some that fit. It will give new meaning to the term ‘shithead’.

Not that I expect you to return. If I drop my guts at some inappropriate place I’d be reluctant to go back there as well.
doh wave

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