Oversensitivity
As long as there is something about you that causes you to feel bitter, inferior or ashamed, the mere mention of certain words will hurt you. I said it many times before and I’ll say it again; words cannot hurt until you give it the power to do so. Only then can they hurt you.Some of the causes for hurt may be being dyslexic, stuttering, wearing glasses, having lost a limb, being born cripple, blind or deaf and too many other things to list here. We’re talking about things that you cannot change; things that are neither disgraceful nor scandalous. And until you can make peace with yourself, they will continue to hurt when people talk about it.
And if the reason for your hurt is something you can change, like bad teeth or untidy hair, or is due to intolerance to others, I have no sympathy with you for you are making yourself unhappy. If you don’t like homosexuals or hunting or if you don’t eat meat, you cannot expect the rest of the world to agree with your views. You either fix it you have to tolerate it.
Insults normally come to you as a statement of contempt and there are several ways to deal with it, depending on whether the insult is based on the truth and also whether the insult is based on disgraceful behavior on your behalf or just plain pettiness.
If the statement is based on ill behavior on your behalf, it is not going to help to trade insults with your quarry. This is not just words; it is the truth and it is embarrassing. We are not always proud of our actions. Nevertheless, admit that you were wrong, apologize for the indiscretion and not only have you gained the respect of the people around you but you also have taken the wind out of your enemy’s sails. Your enemy has nothing further on you and if he wants to proceed with his assault he must resort to lies and/or pettiness.
If the statement is untrue, it is not an insult but a lie. There is very little you can do about it… and unless if you can expose the lie in one swift and final stroke, ignore it. Those who know you will see it for what it really is; a common lie. If you try to defend yourself against it, it can only create a perception that there may just be some element of truth in it.
Then there is the third category; normally the tactics that slimeballs employ to hurt innocent people. The attempted insult is true but it is based on pettiness rather than shameful behavior. This is not an insult but we perceive it as an insult because we resent the truth; we feel bitter, ashamed or inferior about something that we cannot help for.
Don’t waste your time on shit you cannot change; don’t fall into the bottomless pit of self-pity because of something that you don’t like about yourself. Accept yourself for who and what you are for there is no shame in it. Say to the world, “OK, I have freckles and so what? How does it affect my character or my person?”
Only then you will have the resilience to resist words but until then words will hurt you more than sticks and stones.
Comments (90)
What does that tell you about their character
Get my drift Maude?
Yeah, so what if I have a 8 lb. goiter on my....
Wait, what's this blog about?
That is the whole point. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. But some people are very sensitive to it.
I had a few freckles when I was much younger but it did not bother me. My younger brother - now long deceased - had less than I but he went ballistic every time somebody called him freckleface. And because of it, everybody called him that, mostly behind his back though. The odd thing is our few freckles were gone by the time we reached our thirties, but he still resented being called freckleface.
It is quite apparent that you have not seen some South-African drivers after being shown a few finger signs.
The problem is that even with the faces we cannot tell if the face belongs to the hand that types the message.
Yes, the truth should not hurt but speaking the truth only has value if it is relevant and useful. If the truth is spoken with the only purpose to hurt somebody, it no longer has any useful purpose.
I pity the troll trolling you.
And Lucy is right, you do sound angry today. Not your usual self.
Nobody, but I still write because neither do I.
I'm inclined to believe that it is that anonymity that gives some people the illusion of power that they don't enjoy in the real world where people can retaliate with what Mercedes so aptly described as 'a swift uppercut to the jaw' I believe that the bigger the troll here, the lesser the substance in real life.
Thanks. I think after six years on CS I am an authority on the subject.
Hmm, your CS handle now makes sense too. I can understand that body language is more important than the spoken word to you but to the rest of us, words mean more - not that body language does not count. It is just not as prominent.
But from a point of interest, how do you feel about the written word? No body language there; only some reading between the lines.
I'm not sure if I understand your question. If it requires a reply from me please elaborate.
They can be massively false........
Do you believe everything written more than what you see that is not a word
I don't believe anything I hear ( even though I'm deaf ) unless I saw. I believe everything I see........
What say you............
An interesting viewpoint. I again believe everything a person tells me until I catch him lying to me. From that point on I shall believe nothing he says but he won't know that.
Sad dude.
I just wish this was an actual dating site
Would be alot more people here if it really was
Time wasters are a waste of time.
Hence I'm seldom here
Why would you say that? The cyber-world is just not that important to me. I just find this very amusing at times.
A man disappearing in middle of a conversation
Seems like a broken record from hundreds of years ago.
Even before women could vote
So your words have spoken 4 you Mr CatFoot
So do you still stand by your written word
They are indeed their own worst enemies and by being that they isolate themselves from people who care about them. they cannot expect other people to understand and know about their insecurities. Others may be too busy sorting out their own problems to worry about people who feel sorry for themselves.
I know how I behave in real life as a person and as a mother of four adult daughters. But I say crazy, flirty stuff here.
So if you know yourself, I don't think anything anyone says should hurt you.
Cat,
I dont have freckles.
Cat,
What do you mean? I am being myself. Do you remember that flamboyant entity that I used to be on here; the one that drove some people here crazy?
Well, that was not me. And you know that.
I think a few freckles are very pretty on a woman. Ah, but then you're not a woman.
It's funny, I also like a woman to wear specs. But I don't like them to over-dress at home. the specs are enough.
Stick around, we're gonna be famous.
I'd be very reluctant to call you a liar but for some reason or another, I have difficulties believing you.
And thanks for the compliment. When they are scarce as they are at the moment any crumbs will do.
When you are responding to someone on a computer the words are black and white on a little screen. They take on a life of their own. The person who reads them interprets those words to fit into their lifestyle so if a person is always angry they will read the words negatively. If the person is happy go lucky and sees only the good in people they won't try to find fault with what the person said.
Here on CS words are more often than not taken in a negative way. We cannot FEEL the voice infliction saying those words. They are just little black and white marks on a computer screen. That's why emoticons are very important when writing anything on CS. In the real world compassion and kindness go a long way when talking to the person you are with.
Oh, I get hatemail ok. Not so bad these days for they too have learned that I react in kind. Even comments in my inbox from people who want to comment privately but these are not the regulars on the blogs. Only twice did regulars attack me via my mailbox but they are long gone.