The way to love and being loved

Love cannot have a meaningful relationship unless we love ourselves first. We can learn about ourselves in a love relationship but love cannot be a substitute for personal identity. When respect and caring is missing the "love" part is really a dependency issue. Here are some specific ways to know the difference between love as a healthy relationsship with growth potential versus love as a form of addiction:
1. Does each lover have a secure belief in his/her own value?
2. Are the lovers improved by the relationship? By the response from others outside the relationship? Are they better,stronger, more attractive, more accomplished, or more sensitive individuals? Do they value the relationship for this very reason?
3. Do the lovers maintain serious interests outside the relationship, including other meaningful personal relationships?
4.Are the lovers beyond being possessive or jealous of each other's growth and expansion of interests?
5. Are the lovers also friends? Would you seek each other out if the love relationship ceased?
This is far from what everyone would like but it is something I use as a reference in connecting with others.