I can't comprehend

So, I've been getting a lot of phone calls from my doctor's office about the situation I am in. They assigned me a case worker, who genuinely seems to care about what had happened and is trying to help me. But the biggest thing that is bothering me is I am just trying to get my life together without doing harm to anyone elses life. I don't want what transpired to turn into a legal case against the other half. I don't. I just wanted to make a clean break from it all and to be able to get my Dr appointments set up and not get attacked for the sheer pleasure of someone's ego being hurt. I'm not one to ever condone violence in a relationship ever. I am a firm believer in if it gets to that point it's already gone to far for too long. I understand I have issues that stem from staying because I believed what I was told time and again that nobody else would want me. I get that I stayed for the sake of another's children's security. I completely understand that I'm not blameless in the bickering. But when it came to the violence, I don't care who thinks what in this world. I didn't do it. Nor will I take blame for instigating it. Because each and every violent act stemmed from one thing and that was me trying to leave because there was no point in staying when in the only one who held those vows true to my heart and my actions showed it. Even if I were stupid in forgiving the same things over and over in the hopes of life becoming right. It never did and I'm still sorry for it not working out. I still wish peace to the other half and hope with every fiber of my being that they get the help they need. Like my profile says, I just need to talk and get it out. Even the Dr says to stay away and that's no problem. I have my job and I am content in doing my job. It's hard to take care of my health with the lack of options for healthy food, but I do my best. I am young as many point out. But to hear my full story, one would only wonder if I am just a glutton for punishment. And in some cases, yes I am. I knew better. But when the road less traveled is free and clear and the wide path leads to damnation, I'd rather take the one full of danger at every turn because it builds a strong mind even if it takes away the will. My own mother told me for years I have an old soul and I was destined for more than the mundane. I just never knew it meant for me to be torn apart by the vindictive behavior of others. I have truly traveled the country and parts of the world in search of adventure and knowledge. I never had the ability to settle down and I have plenty of regret because of that. But, it has made me who I am today. I'm not a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm not a sheep following the masses. I'm not a lion with a heart of savagery fearing nothing. I am but a man who is lost in the madness of life and struggling with an inner turmoil that I am hoping to be able to turn into redemption. I wish nothing but peace and love and happiness and many blessings upon the world good or bad. Enemy or friend. If I didn't, could I really appreciate life itself? When others cringe at the sound of a crying babe in the middle of the market, with a poor over taxed mother apologizing for what life is, I just smile and say it's ok. Because why should the sound of life be something to cringe from? It should be celebrated. In all its glory it should be celebrated. When the poor are sitting there in their misery, I don't hold my cash and turn my head I share because if I didn't, wouldn't I be the same as who put them in that place? They should be lifted up and fed and cherished, because if not for their pain and suffering, we would not appreciate our own blessings. I am almost out of characters to finish my thoughts, so I leave you all with this..... I wish for a better life, I wish for a family of my own, I wish for the sound of children with my blood coursing through their veins, and I wish peace and love to this entire world because without you all I wouldn't be me. DJD