To Bobby

Can't sleep, already day. thoughts drifting like clouds over the sky.

It was doomsday to see the city sink below the horizon. For years, I was asking - when we would return home. All my things were left behind. It took years before they finally were shipped. I have never been back. Pretty certain it would be too emotional, most likely a traumatic, depressive, lonely experience. Being crushed and totally lost. It would be like Auschwitz. Had to part with a girl I loved at a train station, and for me - for what ever odd reason, it kinda reminded me of a train-ride to Auschwitz. I have never been there, but - I did travel through Germany some years later, and there were something depressing familiar, here and there. That crushing feeling of being totally lost, without hope, somehow knowing you were headed for hell. Have no idea why I write this now, an it certainly doesn't seem fit for posting. Did experience a few strange episodes. Near Lyon, there was the most beautiful girl you could dream of. We enjoyed hours in conversation. I could not speak french, and she did not speak English, - but we kind of did anyway in our heads, very aware of each other. We were like in another dimension, a place beyond time and space. Sure, it may all have been my imagination - but then again, subtle strange synchronicity took place. I had to clear my head, stretch my legs and left the coupe. And she followed me. We would stand beside each other, hands almost touching, absorbed in this mysterious dialog. God she was beautiful. She was Jewish. I have no idea why I knew, but somehow I just did. I did study her blouse as if it could tell me something. Very neat, a light blue color with some brodery of some sort. Very out of fashion, looked like sown by hand. I searched for clues - wondering. "Because I am", she smiled at me. I nearly jumped because her voice was so loud, but her lips didn't part. I realized I had heard her voice within my head. I cannot recall the train station were we parted. I saw a family there waiting for her. Perhaps uncle and aunt and cousins ? I stood 30 yards away, I reckon. Was terrible sad seeing her start to move away. Then to my huge surprise, she turned and came running toward me. I didn't know what was going on, but she came closer and in the end I just had to catch her or I would fear she would have run me down. She buried her head against my neck. She was strong and was clinging to me, would not let go- And I could see the family standing there with the suitcase, somewhat embarrassed. The man tried to study his shoes. Their clothes were a bit unusual, as well. The girl gave some sobbing sound. Myself, I was petrified. In fact, I didn't travel alone - but was perplexed of what they saw. I could never explain anything to them. As she finally left with her folks, there again I kinda saw this kind of overlay visions of Auschwitz, I heard the trains and turned around, but the station was empty. Not a train in sight.

Days later I was woken up and had to come out of the tent. A walter pressed to my forehead, flashlight in my face, and a dog inches away from my groin. Parts of a uniform, but else I was blinded. One of my buddies had tried to wake me, had said something about a passport which I handed him. It was my different passport that somehow had caused the commotion. "American ?" - yes.
Again the sound of trains, of shouting voices, moving shadows of people, sinking feeling of Auschwitz. Yet, there were no trains at the beach.

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