Mexico tightens US border
Today in The New Yorker;In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Mexico Tightens Border After Trump Pardons White-Collar Criminals
By Andy Borowitz
February 19, 2020
MEXICO CITY (The Borowitz Report)—The government of Mexico announced that it was tightening its border with the United States “effective immediately” after Donald Trump pardoned a host of white-collar criminals on Tuesday.
Speaking to reporters, the President of Mexico, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, said that Mexican border agents were on alert to prevent any recipients of Trump’s pardons from crossing into their country.
“They’re bringing bribery, they’re bringing tax evasion, they’re bringing racketeering,” Obrador said. “I wish I could say that some of them were good people, but that does not appear to be the case.”
Obrador said that border agents had been given “special instructions” to block the entry of Rod Blagojevich, the former governor of Illinois, whom he called “El Blago.”
“If El Blago enters our country, he will head straight to Mexico City and start trying to sell Senate seats,” Obrador said. “He is a dangerous man.”
Concluding his remarks, Obrador said that he had contacted Trump directly to warn him against sending the criminals to Mexico. “I told him to find places for them in his Cabinet,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
In 2001, he created The Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor.
The Borowitz Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012. His two most recent books were both best-sellers: “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” which became the first title in the history of the Library of America to make the Times best-seller list; and a memoir, “An Unexpected Twist,” a No. 1 best-seller, which Amazon named the Best Kindle Single of 2012. As a comedian, he has performed sold-out shows around the world and has made numerous television and radio appearances, including on National Public Radio, VH1, and Comedy Central. His solo comedy show, “Make America Not Embarrassing Again,” began touring the U.S. in 2018, and he is featured in the new PBS prime-time series “Retro Report,” which débuts in 2019.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Mexico Tightens Border After Trump Pardons White-Collar Criminals
By Andy Borowitz
February 19, 2020
MEXICO CITY (The Borowitz Report)—The government of Mexico announced that it was tightening its border with the United States “effective immediately” after Donald Trump pardoned a host of white-collar criminals on Tuesday.
Speaking to reporters, the President of Mexico, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, said that Mexican border agents were on alert to prevent any recipients of Trump’s pardons from crossing into their country.
“They’re bringing bribery, they’re bringing tax evasion, they’re bringing racketeering,” Obrador said. “I wish I could say that some of them were good people, but that does not appear to be the case.”
Obrador said that border agents had been given “special instructions” to block the entry of Rod Blagojevich, the former governor of Illinois, whom he called “El Blago.”
“If El Blago enters our country, he will head straight to Mexico City and start trying to sell Senate seats,” Obrador said. “He is a dangerous man.”
Concluding his remarks, Obrador said that he had contacted Trump directly to warn him against sending the criminals to Mexico. “I told him to find places for them in his Cabinet,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
In 2001, he created The Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor.
The Borowitz Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012. His two most recent books were both best-sellers: “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” which became the first title in the history of the Library of America to make the Times best-seller list; and a memoir, “An Unexpected Twist,” a No. 1 best-seller, which Amazon named the Best Kindle Single of 2012. As a comedian, he has performed sold-out shows around the world and has made numerous television and radio appearances, including on National Public Radio, VH1, and Comedy Central. His solo comedy show, “Make America Not Embarrassing Again,” began touring the U.S. in 2018, and he is featured in the new PBS prime-time series “Retro Report,” which débuts in 2019.
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