Dr. Fauci urges pharmaceutical companies to help milions of people with development of one pill
Today in The New Yorker;In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Begs Pharma Companies to Speed Development of Anti-Narcissism Drug
By Andy Borowitz
April 9, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Stating that “time is of the essence,” Dr. Anthony Fauci is imploring the nation’s pharmaceutical companies to fast-track the development of a drug to treat narcissism.
Acknowledging that narcissistic-personality disorder has historically been resistant to medication, the esteemed virologist said that a breakthrough drug was “urgently needed.”
“I have seen the toll that narcissism takes, day in, day out,” Fauci said. “The human cost is incalculable.”
Without offering scientific evidence or data, Fauci argued, “Successfully treating one narcissist could substantially reduce the misery and suffering of millions.”
The epidemiologist said that, as soon as a promising anti-narcissism drug is developed, he would “personally mastermind” its clinical trials.
For the purpose of those trials, Fauci said, it would be optimal to manufacture the drug as a pill or anything else “that could be easily crushed and dissolved in a Diet Coke.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Fauci Begs Pharma Companies to Speed Development of Anti-Narcissism Drug
By Andy Borowitz
April 9, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Stating that “time is of the essence,” Dr. Anthony Fauci is imploring the nation’s pharmaceutical companies to fast-track the development of a drug to treat narcissism.
Acknowledging that narcissistic-personality disorder has historically been resistant to medication, the esteemed virologist said that a breakthrough drug was “urgently needed.”
“I have seen the toll that narcissism takes, day in, day out,” Fauci said. “The human cost is incalculable.”
Without offering scientific evidence or data, Fauci argued, “Successfully treating one narcissist could substantially reduce the misery and suffering of millions.”
The epidemiologist said that, as soon as a promising anti-narcissism drug is developed, he would “personally mastermind” its clinical trials.
For the purpose of those trials, Fauci said, it would be optimal to manufacture the drug as a pill or anything else “that could be easily crushed and dissolved in a Diet Coke.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Never before would 1 pill provide relief for so many.
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