A new one, hot off the press - Rally Stimulus Checks !
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Offers Stimulus Checks to Anyone Willing to Come to His Next Rally
By Andy Borowitz
June 23, 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to avert another debacle like the one at his rally in Tulsa, Donald J. Trump said on Tuesday that he was offering economic-stimulus checks to anyone willing to come to his next rally, in Arizona.
Displaying a sample check in the Oval Office, Trump said that he hoped eventually to put millions of unemployed Americans back to work as full-time audience members at his rallies.
“The dishonest media are saying that people wouldn’t go to one of my rallies if I paid them,” Trump said. “Well, we’ll see about that.”
Larry Kudlow, Trump’s economic adviser, said that the twelve-hundred-dollar stimulus checks would be paid “in installments, based on how long the recipients actually stay at the rally.”
“If you walk out after the first hour, you only get six hundred,” he said. “You’re really going to have to earn the full twelve hundred.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Offers Stimulus Checks to Anyone Willing to Come to His Next Rally
By Andy Borowitz
June 23, 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to avert another debacle like the one at his rally in Tulsa, Donald J. Trump said on Tuesday that he was offering economic-stimulus checks to anyone willing to come to his next rally, in Arizona.
Displaying a sample check in the Oval Office, Trump said that he hoped eventually to put millions of unemployed Americans back to work as full-time audience members at his rallies.
“The dishonest media are saying that people wouldn’t go to one of my rallies if I paid them,” Trump said. “Well, we’ll see about that.”
Larry Kudlow, Trump’s economic adviser, said that the twelve-hundred-dollar stimulus checks would be paid “in installments, based on how long the recipients actually stay at the rally.”
“If you walk out after the first hour, you only get six hundred,” he said. “You’re really going to have to earn the full twelve hundred.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
$ 2 Thousand couldn't get me to endure one of his rallies.
Heck, given his history of not paying people, and broken promises, even a promise of $20,000 wouldn't get me to go. It wouldn't be worth it.....in more ways than one.
Comments (7)
Could it be that he would do it if he could get away with it?
He could use tax-payers money as stimulus to bribe citizens to attend his rally.
That for sure would land him behind bars and make Jim an happy, happy, happy man.
G - Yes, how odd that Biden sleeps at night, rather than attacking many US citizens on Twitter 50 times.
Happened in Albuquerque
"This of course may be yet more Fake News from the fake news media. The thing is one can never be sure."
I complete the package with a cut and paste, political cartoon loosely related to the story line.
Though my satire topics are not necessarily about Trump, here on CS it seems like everything comes back to Trump. Years ago when I first joined CS, it was a much friendlier place. I went away for a bit and came to find this raucous crowd.