Painful thoughts
I don't want to go to work this morning. At nine I have an appointment. One more interview and audition to conduct and I don't feel like doing it. Why? Because I know already from the telephone conversations we had that this person is not what I am looking for. And that is so unreasonable of me. She was probably nervous and excited so she came off sounding arrogant and rude.Or maybe she is arrogant and rude. The part of me that sits and observes what I do, pinning little labels on my thoughts and feelings is just sitting there. Judgmental. Impatient. Unreasonable. Irritable. In pain. What's that? Pain? oh no we can't have that! This is non negotiable! Pain is self indulgent, buckle up or down and grin and bear it. All the voices from the past that are not mine. Years of practising not feeling physical discomfort because stoicism was the preferred attitude through my childhood.
So perhaps I'll do this interview with an open mind, bearing in mind that a kneecap, wrenched off its normal track, will hurt. And pain of that level usually signals the need for outside intervention and I need to get past my 'I can take it stage' to calling for help. To hell with what I was trained to do. I am no longer a child, and the things that happened then can never happen to me again. I do not need to perpetuate the patterns I was raised in.
Comments (3)
Hard to accept sometimes that we are human and that pain
is one of the things we have from time to time.
Hope you get through the day and I can recommend the
indulgence of a quiet place and a good scream
It's worked for me lately, I usually end up laughing with
tears in my eyes
Been trough similar things myself. Can´t really tell in business world what you really think personally.