A Different Kind of Loneliness

Today I learned that being lonely and alone isn’t all that terrible. God shared with me that I don’t love myself and it’s apparent by my actions. I don’t go to bed on time, I drink too much, I don’t get ready for work, my hygiene is questionable and my weight has skyrocketed. He makes a fair point. I don’t have a comeback. Like I ever did anyway. So He said you are not ready for a relationship at all...at all! Today He said that very loud and clear. He finally told me why He’s been telling me no for years. All I could do was receive His gentle correction. I don’t know what to say. I don’t have anything to say. All I know is that I’m willing to stay single for Him now no matter how long it takes. This is a big step for me because I was never willing to do that before. But when God talks to you that clearly, you listen. There’s nothing you can do but listen. Recently I told a guy friend how I felt about him. He prayed to God about if we could be together. God told him to tell me no. So he came back to me and said God said not now. Gee I wonder why. I think He finally told me why because He knows I’m in love with this man. Totally in love. I’ve known this man for years and he’s the one. But I’m glad God finally told me today hey you’re messed up! I won’t give you anyone until you fix that. So this aloneness I feel is good. It’s different. It’s a purposeful loneliness. It will be guided by Him.

And thanks for reading. I needed to share this with strangers and not on Facebook. It’s too personal for Facebook. Sometimes you just gotta share with strangers.