2022 and Google
Ordering a Pizza in 2022CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! Just like Dan_777 I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to the island that rizlared sez is a paradise, without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Welcome to the future ??
Comments (25)
I highly recommend.
Excellent witty humour at its best
Ill take your word fot it being a good series and download it asap. Thanks .
It's a funny series, but there's a lot about possible future misuse of technology.
Lukeon you gave them an idea to let us know how intrusive they have been.
Thanks. I dl the whole season1. Read the synopsis and i think that is MY type of light hearted entertainment. I will stick to Upload, the other seems too serious.
It is quite scary when one thinks about it. Google will even know when one developes a pain where the sun doesn't shine due to eating a dish not compatible with ones system..
I've only just read it.
Good story and harbinger of the times to come, Luke.
I've decided to live off grid.
If I were a few years younger, maybe I would go and live on a community where everybody lives in peace and harmony...growing their own food and looking after mother earth.
Kind of hippy life.
I LOST,
I WON,
I FAILED,
I CRIED,
I LAUGHED,
I LOVED,
BUT I DID NOT FOLD
I also highly recommend the series UPLOAD - it is delightful.
It's a great series and season 2 will be filmed, too.
"Black Mirror" is a more serious series, but a very good one (especially some episodes).
I watched "Tenet" yesterday. I like Nolan, but - Goodness! - my head is still spinning!
I have to watch it again! .