Coping with control freaks

People with antisocial personality disorder tend to display glibness, a type of superficial charm that provides them a grandiose sense of self-worth. As an instance

Correcting people when they're wrong.

People with a high need for control often feel the need to always try to win the argument or have the last word.

Refusal to admit when they're wrong. Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys their friends.

Judging or criticizing others.

Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their fork to how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.

Have you ever had to deal with this in a relationship or in the work place and how do/did you handle it.?

Asking for a friend.innocent

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Comments (42)

If it's a relationship, leave. Unfortunately there's very little chance of change if a partner displays enough traits to fall under the category of Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

If it's a work colleague who can't be avoided, engaging them in light conversation which interests them may distract them from committing any nefarious actions in your direction.

Constantly reminding yourself that with no, or little ability to truly empathise, they can't really help being an arse and their world may be very confusing.

It's not easy to do when someone is behaving like an arse almost constantly, but it does dampen down the stress of having to interact with them on a daily basis.
Morning Jac wave

I like your take on this and seems to me you are a well grounded person with empathy.handshake
Thankyou, Tiger.

Interestingly, I have been accused of being a malignant narcissist here on the blogs, which of course means being devoid of empathy, at least for others.

To some extent the popularisation of clinical categories is a curse given they're so difficult to understand. On the other hand, with perhaps 10% of the population displaying significant levels of Personality Disorder traits, education and awareness would likely be beneficial.

Given that Personality Disorder categories are essentially theoretical models used to facilitate clinical management, I wonder if perhaps individual traits, or small interactive clusters of traits would better serve popular culture: it would be easier to understand and manage, but avoid pejorative and inaccurate labelling.
@Tiger;
Don't be saying nice things about jac, it will give her a swelled head (as we say in Ireland)professor


laugh
So just coming out and telling this person they are acting like a child, need to grow up and stop being so annoying, will have no effect?
I just strikes me that at times a hypothetical slap is better than pampering to the anti-social needs, if that person is no aware of their failings why "encourage" them?dunno
If someone has a fair cluster of sociopathic, psychopathic, or narcissistic traits, yes, that is correct. It would be like telling a paraplegic to just get up off their lazy behinds and get on with running for the bus.

Imagine how effective it would be to give He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named a jolly good dressing down: without the ability too empathise with others on an organic, neural level, but a deep sense of empathy for the self, that dressing down information necessarily will be processed using other parts of the brain with a different outcome.

You mistake managing a potentially destructive situation for pandering to it.

A two year old may have a tantrum because they want to play with a chainsaw, but they're unlikely to be able to conceptualise a lecture on the dangers of bladed power tools. Pandering to the tantrum would be letting the have it; managing the wean's wobbly would be distracting them with a talking unicorn.
@ Jac

I'm getting the same feed back from certain members re my comments.laugh
@snowlynx

I'll bear that in mind for future reference.wink
I think most people have their way of doing things and we just have to let them get on with it although some can take it too far and be real sticklers. It’s hard in a work situation if you have to deal with managers and others who really are complete control freaks but then, it could be that the nature of the job has made them that way?

I try to understand and keep a sense of humour with people like that and realise that they have to live with being like that!!! It’s also pretty hard to say ‘get a life you miserable pain in the neck’ to them when your monthly salary is depending on pleasing these types of people and you have to bite your tongue…

Just limit your time with them and be glad to get away!! laugh
I agree, but an adult, especially one who tells everyone how clever they are, is not a 2 year old, they have the ability to understand right from wrong, they have the cognitive ability to understand they are being anti-social. They are just not aware of their anti-social trait. So need to be tolddunno
Or are you saying that all those with anti-social behaviour also have the mental capacity of a two year old, so should be treated as such?
sounds very much like you are describing most women ,,,, as they will always try no matter what to have the last word ,,,
@ Marbsroo

Biting one's tongue springs to mindlaugh Good if you have got self control .

I agree a bit difficult if the wages are dependant on how you react though.handshake
@ edison

Controlling isn't just about having the last word , In many cases it can go a lot deeper and frankly both sexes are guilty in my opinion.
Yeah, I think I saw something on the forums, but skimmed over it as a dysfunctional ad hominem attack.

It's essentially a closing down tactic: I don't like what you're saying, it threatens my reality/self-esteem/control/whatever so I'm going to shut you up by making you feel too ashamed to open your mouth.

The irony is that the tactic of shame has no hope of having any impact upon someone who significantly lacks empathy for others and therefore has no concept of shame.

It does work, however, on those who have a sense of shame combined with low self-esteem and in that respect it's nothing short of bullying.

The interesting bit is that we all at some point lash out with ad hominem attacks without necessarily lacking empathy for others. Sometimes we just run out of effective and emotionally mature coping strategies for alleviating our frustration and distress.

Everything is on a continuum and displaying a minor trait, or two, whether someone is the accused, or accuser, doesn't necessarily indicate clinical pathology.
No, that's not necessarily true when someone lacks empathy for others on a pathological level.

I know not to hit you with a frying pan because I understand three things: when I've had a bump on the head it hurt; if I have a bump on the head in the future it will hurt; & if I bump you on the head it will hurt you.

There are essentially two kinds of empathy, emotional and cognitive. If I emotionally empathise with you I can imagine the physical and emotional distress you will experience if I hit you. I can almost feel/replicate the pain from memory.

If I cognitively empathise with you, I'm simply recognising that you're the same as I, therefore a bump on the head will likely hurt you, too. I can recall it being unpleasant, even if I can't recall any actual feelings.

Lacking emotional empathy can provide a certain objective clarity. Objective observation can lead to a heightened sense of right and wrong as you'll find with some people on the autistic spectrum, but it can also lead to no sense of right, or wrong: hitting someone on the head is funny because of their contortions, or functional because it disables them to the attacker's advantage.

The difference between the heightened, or lowered sense of right and wrong may be pathological, learned, or an interaction between the two, but even if there's a nurture element it doesn't mean the ability is there, or telling them to pull themselves together is going to unlearn them.

I don't understand nuclear physics. Telling me I'm ignorant, or stupid is not going to educate me. You need to start by getting a bag of marbles and showing me the basics, but even that's not going to work very well if I'm blindfolded and have my hands tied behind my back.
The Problem is that some people deliberately blindfold themselves and tie their own hands behind their back. laugh
Ohhh what are you saying about people like me or them or us ? conversing
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
wow SPC!? reunion It's been awhile ... hug

cowboy
MickLee I posted in.your Harem Blog before this one n no I got no reply yet lol
confused sigh
Going back and forth between blogs and forums
(to cope aka rant).


laugh gives you two opportunities to start shite:
Forums- the oneliner as a comment or reply to
Blogs- ask for a friend, lead off with a question
that you answer yourself in 4000 words

Of course there is a third option: mail works well to stir shit up behind the scenes with those from your
country, who likely claims to use the same coping mechanisms, whilst asking for a friend.
Politely agree and come back to option 1or 2, or both
to throw an entire country under the bus without naming names and pointing fingers a lot, while stating that was not my intent. Order those who disagree to come back to the topic which derails anytime it is proceeded by Americans who won't take shit lying down. They know you want your way and the social justice angle wears thin,as does vegan recipes that you hide behind after you and your group proved nothing by playing provocateurs.
Americans will truth bomb you until you get over yourself. rolling on the floor laughing There is no platform as boring to us as the ones playing victim to our way of being direct.
Ooo,oh,tsk,well,I never...Even more ridiculous is the
attempt to tell us what,how to be a country.
Yeh..epic fail. We are not "colonies" and our guns are that reminder, if you try to over reach
with "help", you control freak.

Galrad referring to you as Islanders.:verymad<-:comfort created this January blog,correct.wink professor scold
Tiger_Moth: Depends how the person reading it defines the question surely.

Tomcatty
I would think that you should define the question you want answered if you want a clear answer
Anyway let's not argue semantics
I think controlling people are tiresome and after it becomes clear they are not open to discussion I tend to walk away.



Tomcatty was Spot on!!! As was the other male commenter that said (UK?) women usually claim this.

applause in answer to coping w/ control freaks
Seems to me that anyone who would be bothered to resurrect a thread from 4 months ago is a tad controlling wouldn't you say. laugh

You out looking to stir the pot yet again.sigh
Good god old threads are brought up time and again , stop being a silly girl .
@ epirb


Yes I have noticed . Even one from 10 years ago lol

I was trying to be polite actually, as some people have an axe to grind and never put the thing down.laugh
Oh, good.

It's your turn for Hip to follow you obsessively round the blogs and forums.

It's usually me.

Or maybe she'll devote a significant proportion of her time chasing both of us around after her Lenten fast, like other people gorge on chocolate to celebrate the resurrection.

I read an article the other day about the positive effect fasting has on brain function. I think it meant food fasting, not blog fasting.
@epirb
January is not old in terms of CS blogging,better still it shows these two are the pot stirrers.
The persons complaining the most about others and insisting on better standards, could start by raising the bar on themselves.
Also when one complains about the chase it is common sense to not make it your own mission to criticize deliberately on what you can not change.
You might call it something honorable where you
come from and expect to be applauded but this is
hardly a war either.Its pretty damn boring to read these issues from grown women with nothing better to do. Drama does not automatically come with most topics, except when you can not accept the other side of the pond. That is nothing more than bitching.


If you are always going to target the other woman it would appear you are neglecting most of the bloggers-men.If you think this impresses men by all means enjoy your male companions here.wink

Jac you played your hand and got dealt what you deserved on both forums and blogs.You are just another bigot disguised as a SJW so you can post
prepared speeches to your questions.One aspect of your tireless efforts is to tell people they are wrong.
Then apply your own brand of rudeness as psychology. It is not intellectual, just bitchy.

My responses to the male versions, shit talkers, get the same treatment and I expect the same BS.
Blah,blah,blah.
If you start it, you must have been looking for it.Your welcome, there's your answer that you keep denying. b*tch on...

sleep
@op have I? Oh yes, in work at the end of my career definitely. Micro management to the minutest level. Awful. But when you are 50 or 60 you don't have to grin, but in self-interest you have to bear it. New arrivals looked at each other and said 'we have 10 years experience, why should we put up with this crap?' Me, with 40 years experience, put up with it, but not quietly. Nitpickers, Negativity. No more, retired now but working solo online, and not caring about job or money, taint half bad.
@ rosehipster

I'm not small minded enough to delete your post so it is there for all to see , but I would appreciate you take your spite elsewhere and refrain from besmirching other posters on my blog.

I have never mentioned any other posters or even a country so frankly am at a loss as to define just what in my blog you take exception to.

You have turned this into a hate fest to suit your own agenda and it's totally not what this thread is about.


Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are.sigh
@ fargo

This was one of the reasons I raised the issue, as the work place is often a place where "control" becomes a problem for some employees .I had an experience of the same when I worked for Social Services with a Head of Department ,until her enthusiasm was crushed by the Director.

Glad to know that you are a free agent now.handshake
Judge the comments for the repetion they are, banging on about yourselves mostly..
But hey the other besmirchers can be lauded for their
entitlement to it as well.

Bangers.. head banger rolling on the floor laughing
How BIG of you.bouquet
How Christian of youbarf

There is nothing worse than someone pretending to be a Christian and showing their true colours by judging and maligning others. Pathetic.
rolling on the floor laughing you can not tell me how much kinder you atheists and sjw are.
Wipe your sad tears vomiter.comfort
The difference is that Atheists and non-Christians don't post boring meaningless blogs designed to displace the interesting blogs off the first page.
They also act in a totally hypocritical way.doh
The difference is that Atheists and non-Christians don't post boring meaningless blogs designed to displace the interesting blogs off the first page.
They also don't act in a totally hypocritical way regarding religion.doh
rolling on the floor laughing yep and what did that get them nice Christian folk, the same crap I get .
See it's less pretending on your all's part if I give you enough rope- it never even matters either way who you guys b*tch at...keep bitching you will understand in America no one is as offended as you presume they are.. One day this will sink in- people who cut you some slack aren't stupid or mean.They don't enjoy the pretenses you all
focus on every day.

Here, this bag o shit yer slinging, I ain't taking it.
That's your idea of enlightenment not mine.
rolling on the floor laughing
riz is always picking a right fighter fight on here, another paid distracter, but from his sons, not his moms basement ! professor
riz needs a facelift, post haste! there's a Gofundme for such a case. buyer beware
"The difference is that Atheists and non-Christians don't post boring meaningless blogs....."

Wow is this guy for real? What a stupid statement, that actually can be proven.laugh
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Tiger_Mothonline today!

Tiger_Moth

Louth, Lincolnshire, England, UK

Forthright and honest. No time for people with exaggerated make believe lifestyles or liars. [read more]

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created Jan 2021
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