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Emotional Sobriety - RIGHT Vs HAPPY

How many times have we heard the question, "would you rather be right, or happy?"
Ideally, most would say “I want both!”

Being "right" is what the Ego wants, thereby making everything and everyone else "wrong." In other words, it is simply engaging in black and white thinking.

Looking at it from a psychological point of view, "right vs. happy" isn´t so much about who ends up being the winner or loser, but more about the desire to feel in control.

A typical example can be seen on controversial blogs where reasonable peaceful debates cannot be achieved. It always ends up with a fight to the death where no one will give up!

It is sometimes necessary to allow things to "hurt us more, but bother us less."
Why would we want to choose "hurt?" Well, if we are letting go of being right, hurting might mean that we have to grieve. Maybe it's grieving the idea that we have lost control and are facing our vulnerability

When we start looking at the situation from a higher perspective, the loss no longer has such a tight grip. We can move into the cyclical process of death and rebirth. We can open up to new ideas and experiences.
Once this occurs, we are certainly "bothered less” and can move on to the “happiness” state of the emotional scale.

Now, how do we define happy in this context? This is not about winning the lotto or getting people to do what you want them to do. Those are external things that we can't control.
It is about “acceptance” “contentment”.

At the end of the day, it might not be as flashy as winning the lottery, but it's certainly much more attainable and sustainable.

dance smile daisy

Comments (31)

If you could be both right and happy laughing yoga would be humourous instead of spine-chilling. You could decide to be in love or to laugh at the same thing over and over again without loss of enthusiasm.

And likewise trying to do the right thing won't make you happy. That could be staying married for the kids or standing up to a terrorist with a knife. Control is not what would make happy per se you are just obligated by the gravity of the situation. Responsible for being the right man at the right time.
Yup! You don’t need to be right ALL the time!!

You hear that, Art!!!!

rolling on the floor laughing

On a more serious note ..... I don’t feel the need to be right all the time. I try not to engage on anything controversial or negative, if I could help it. grin

Hello Daniela applause hug bouquet
Devoid of emotion,there is "a right" which we all have - not about "being right" or "knowing right" from wrong or "THE right"group.
Devoid of pyschology or sociology even brings us
back to the legalities of a right: fundamental value.

The right to exist,to be-is happiness.
Is one a constant and the other ever-changing.
For myself, as I have gotten older, when faced with an argument or difference of opinion, I have learned to ask myself the question - "Is it worth the fight?" I'd say 90% of the time - it's not. That being said, I let a lot of "stuff" just run on by. Makes my mind a lot happier.
Thanks for your words of wisdom CC. smile
I learned many years ago is the situation honestly true or false(not perception based)but fact based, also the big one are you engaging a right fighter, at the first sign of a right fighter, I withdraw and walk away, period. applause
KP.. I agree with you.

Arguing is Just a waste of energy!
Hola Mimi..hug

Art knows for sure that Mimi is always right...and happy! laugh
Hi Ben..
Sometimes walking away is the best solution in order to stay happy and not waste our energy.
Hi Ash..
confused confused
Good point Bentlee
I look at a right as something
like an equalizer.

If if is constantly in question
then it is best done alone.
Saying that I have no qualms be it in whatever life venue calling someone out on misdeed or deliberate intent to mislead, I suppose that's the libra balance in me. As many know the majority of people HATE having a truth of them pointed out, although it was exposed their very own commentary rolling on the floor laughing
Sometimes "being right" is about to all you have.
-and you know you need to work on your life to get more happy.
There is a reason Beatles said that all you need is love.

Apart from that; what Ben said.

If I know I am "right", I stand firm on my own right without having to argue on it because it drains the energy out me and a bloody waste of time. That in itself makes me feel positive and HAPPY which is the best medication for all of us cheers hug
That's right Titsy.
I do the same but...
Even if I know I am right, I often walk away as I can't be bothered to prove a point.

I let people decide for themselves if they wish to take it onboard or not.dunno
Grand.. welcome to CS.

You're right, some have to work on themselves and create their own happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind after all.
The universe has a tendency to discern what is right and wrong by circumstances that happen to us. In essence usually while we argue among ourselves of who is right or wrong regardless, be it here or elsewhere and especially in relationships with people we love as we expend so much energy trying to prove ourselves and or to justify our stance in the end in most cases everyone loses.

How can anyone be happy always trying to get others to believe in your perceptions of how life should be when others may have a different point of view.
Happiness can only begin when we focus on what is right for us individually.
Along with forgiveness and letting go all the chains we voluntarily put upon ourselves we can find peace.

Living only to make others happy at the expense of your own misery is not right.
A story comes to mind which I could share about a preacher who had a young son and while discerning a new sermon as his son was playing in another room he came across a picture of the map of the world. He decided to tear it up in pieces like a puzzle and gave to his son to play with. He thought his son would be taking all night but, within a few minutes his son was finished. He asked his son how did he get it done so fast. The boy said "oh it was easy because on the other side was a picture of a man so I figured if I got the man right the world would be right.
The minister said, Son, you just gave me a new sermon! As it states "out of the mouth of babes ye have perfected praise"

If we can learn to get ourselves right first to our own understanding and as long as it works for us in our lives and seeing positive results people will see it and your life as a whole becomes your testimony for all to see.

People fear losing control of their lives and they feel they must be in control in every aspect. Even those who must control others fear losing their grip because they fear losing themselves in the process.
Women can use their body to control men because that may be their only power they have. They know how men often think as the blood rushes to one head at a time. Yet, what becomes of them when their body is not so attractive anymore? Men are taught the same thing and men are also measured by their ability to hold down a job and offer a home and money to spend on their women.
All the while they are working to satisfy their women it's never enough or there wouldn't be so much divorce.

All you women in general cry for emotional maturity and intelligence and to be empowered to selectively honor those who agree and smooth your ego.
One can wonder how is it working for most?
Yes the boys may have to kiss a** in the hope of getting a** but, at the close of the day and the evening and night becomes our canopy a majority the population sleeps alone or with a pet like a dog or cat.

In our vain search for our ideal person we would like to shag hoping for ms right or mr right to come along that may appeal to us vs ms right now or mr right now there is the old saying beggars cant be choosers.

Overall, on this site many have no intention in finding a partner. Some dont know what they want and others still wish to find a mate.

So we could suggest like the stars in heaven there is no right or wrong in them they are just there. The heavens can cast no judgment of right or wrong. They do not have an ego to bruise.

Humans on the other hand have the ability to judge and criticize and discern and have a right to choose what is right for them.
What matters is how their choices are working for them. professor
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Prom, thanks for spreading your usual complaints at length.

Btw..things do not happen TO us...
But FOR us.
SA...thanks for the nice quote.
The old saying you get what you give. People cant complain if they dont get if they are not willing to give. Nevertheless, it is clear where some are not welcomed.
People have the right to be happy .

Choosing to be right all the time whenever arguments arise seems to me to be a form of controlling so I'd side step anyone that comes into this category, though I am always prepared to defend myself against the antagoniser even on here .grin

I feel that the need to always be right or in control must cause emotional stress to the perpetrator which could in itself lead to mental issues.

Just my take on things Dan.

If you want to be happy the first right thing to do is to be able to live with yourself, alone, without a dependence of another to quell your blues. Then that way bail isn't posted. That being independent vs co-dependent.

I've talked to some that have had a healing of a 20 minute drive from one relationship to the next, I wouldn't call that good mileage.

Often in such circumstance the right fight is premiere, as it needs to try to settle the train wreck of unresolved issues at bay hidden in the band-aids of new love found typing
Tiger..I hear you..
Especially the last paragraph. thumbs up
Ben..I agree entirely with your first paragraph.thumbs up
I've always been known as a happy person even when I was going through hideous grief. Now that I learned I can live alone and take great care of myself I'm even a happier person, as my ex would describe it - I wake up disgustingly happy.

I love being right, however I'm so wrong a lot especially when it involves my brother. I seem to want to contradict him only for him to prove me wrong. With him I've learned to eat a lot of crow so on the occassion I am right on something, I jump up and do my "right" dance.....sort of looks like my dogs little pee pee dance.
Hi Fay..I suppose you do whatever makes you happy. applause

Happiness is only a state of mind.

"Some people are only happy when they have something to worry about to make them unhappy "

My mother in law was one of those people.
Bentlee are you saying in that case,
LOVE bites or love BITES.
Rose I suppose a bit of both however the nibble before the gentle bites are absolutely the best way to go, heart beating
Fay your first paragraph totally relate to, I'm 21 years living alone, I love it, and yes very happy daily, the small things don't get 1 droplet of my sweat, wine peace
Choose happy x3

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