Skip to main content

Fate or Destiny?

Someone once said: “If you want something, or someone, very badly.........SET IT FREE!
If it comes back to you, it´s yours forever, (love it as hard as you can for the rest of your life)
If it doesn´t, it was never yours to begin with”

What is behind this old saying? Is it Fate? Or Destiny?
A better interpretation is that you cannot force someone to love you. You have to give them the freedom to choose.
But, it also depends on your behaviour in relationships.

Few people have a secure “attachment” style. Most are either anxious, or avoidant - to some degree. Both types of insecure attachment style are typically grounded on Fear of abandonment, rejection or criticism.

But the behavioural manifestation of an anxious attachment style is different from that of the avoidant attachment style. It will typically give rise to clingy behaviour and a need to be with other people all the time.
People with an anxious attachment style feel lonely and insecure when they have to spend time on their own. They are addicted to company and close friendships or relationships.
They also tend to control the other person’s behaviour in subtle or not so subtle ways.
For example, he or she may attempt to make the other person feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. They are quick to express Jealousy,

Anxious types feel worse in less committed relationships than in committed relationships. But, even a commitment is not enough to make them feel secure. They continue to be terrified that the other person will leave. They will want to know what their partner is doing 24/7. One way they accomplish this is via frequent phone calls or text messages. Some anxious types use verbal abuse or physical violence in an attempt to force the other person into staying with them.

The behavioural manifestations of the anxious attachment style are very similar to co-dependency,
Though anxious types tend to form longer and more committed relationships, compared to the avoidant types, their relationships rarely last a lifetime. They may even be quite short, as it’s only a matter of time before their partner will be sufficiently fed up with the controlling aspect of the anxious person’s behaviour and will want out.

Feel free to share your experiences...

writing daisy

Comments (88)

I have no clue love...If they come back it probably means they couldn't get with anyone else and they will use you till the next best thing comes along.
Like I said Dan I don't know what anything means when it comes to men on a personal level..If I read your blog wrong you won't be surprised laugh
Haha Merc..I like your definition "if they come back it's because they couldn't get anything else" laugh

I suppose it could be?dunno

I particularly like this quote which was taken from the film "Indecent Proposal".

At the end she went back to her husband after spending the night with a billionaire who offered her 1 million to sleep with her.
So, even money didn't make him stay with Robert Redford.
That's how I do see my definition laugh

Let's face it why would they want to come back when in the long run they became uninterested?

I like that quote thumbs up
Maybe they realised they had made a mistake and wanted to give their relationship a second chance? dunno

Yes, Merc, it's a nice quote (anonymous).
I don't think that's a nice thing to do to someone..Vert easy to walk away which means they can continue to come and go..A person has to say to themselves when is enough enough?

The problem these days is people in relationships don't want to put in the hard yards..Communication to many people means too much effort..I'm not aware of any relationship being so straight forward..A two way street in a relationship doesn't cost anything except an easier journey.

Then again what I bloody know.
Merc, what you "bloody" know is still worth sharing. thumbs up
Just how I feel love..I'm no expert with this stuff.
It was suppose to say :What would I bloody know"?

Meaning I don't know..Just my take on things that's all
One other thing..I don't think men walk away to nothing..I think they walk away to someone else.
You sort of outlined a narcissist personality when it comes to this description: "They continue to be terrified that the other person will leave. They will want to know what their partner is doing 24/7. One way they accomplish this is via frequent phone calls or text messages. Some anxious types use verbal abuse or physical violence in an attempt to force the other person into staying with them."

Its probably about control. People who have no sense of security within themselves will want to try and control manipulate and almost enslave their friends to avoid feeling alone or left out.
However, part of the definition of narcissism is a person who will never admit nor believes they could be wrong about their perception on life and or behavior patterns.

I think in some cases there are people who need or want relationships and to be understood but, they dont know how to relate to people or their environment.

They will attach themselves to whatever feeds their ego and they may not care where or who it comes from just as long as it's being provided.

It's like so many profiles on this site that so many who claim they have a college degree and think they are so educated and demand others to fulfill their lofty expectations in a potential partner but, they write their profile at a 4th grade level and they rarely if never write or involve themselves in the blog community.

We have little to know clue how these people think or what they believe in because they dont communicate effectively nor they let their ideas be heard.

Yet, its unique to find the lesser educated write more blogs and forums and most write with some form of intelligence.

On this site we can only measure people of their personalities by what they choose to reveal. Many will paint a picture of what they want others to know not what is really going on in their head.
So, while we can intellectualize what we can discern as proper social behavior and the personality problems of people we will never know the truth or the real story behind those who play here.

Outside of here in our daily lives and those we play with we put on a different mask and the ones we put on at our jobs if anyone is working.

Many can point out personality traits we identify with and we can also weed out those who are not aligned with ourselves.
We generally connect to those we identify with. Hence, birds of the feather flock together.

Yes we can feel awkward with the anxious types because when we find those who come on a bit strong we can be turned off by that or we can feel that if there is no equal measure of attraction we may think this type is way too zealous or needy or perverted in some way.

It's tough today to discern what it means to be a gentleman or a lady these days. Yet, there seems to a norm today than it was 30 years ago. Before all this social media crap people could be measured easily up close and personal and within an evening of dinner and a few drinks a man or woman could decide to sleep together that night. Those days are over.
Today, we have to be psychologically screened and approved by social media standards set forth by unknown entities and government agencies.

To consider a guy wants to date a girl to let her decide if she wants to shag him or not. Do we always need a psych evaluation first by some dating panel or Dr?

Cant a woman or man decide the personality they see fit to hang with?

People dont sign up for a social dating site to meet the approval of the site administrators unless they plan to date the administrators, or the government agencies that regulate them.

So, instead of over analyzing personality problems with people online maybe we need to just learn to accept them as they are not what they have to be to meet approval.

Eventually by letting nature take its course people draw the right personality that suits them in it's right timing. professor
My apologies for long response.
Nice to see you back in action Prom.thumbs up

I take it you have now recovered and feeling better?

You've made useful comments which I'll reply to shortly.

Merc, they don't all walk away to someone else.
Not in my experience anyway.
Maybe people just get pìssed off. dunno
Prom, back to your first paragraph...

No, I don't think that those people I've described are narcissists.
They are INSECURE and co-dependent.

I've met quite a few of those, unfortunately! sigh
Yeah I suppose people do get pissed off till they think I can't do this any more thumbs up
As for those who don't know how to relate to others and their environment...

I've known many of those who say "I don't feel I belong here".
That's not unusual as we seem to detach ourselves more and more from the state of this world and sometimes even wish to leave it altogether.

The quote "the more I deal with humans, the more I love my dog.."
Comes to mind.
How many people feel this way?

Strangely enough, I say a film last night about a guy who had spent years studying the gorillas and living amongst them as part of their family.
He became one of them and didn't want to leave the jungle..
Very touching story!
The above was meant for Prom....

And also in general
"Those who profess to have some kind of degree..."

Unfortunately, I've encountered quite a few on this site.

First, not only do they impressed me in their first email, but they can't be bothered to read my blogs either when they say they want to know me!!!

I've now had to add it to my profile at the beginning...and at the end.
But...they still can't read! grin
Merc applause

Embedded image from another site

rolling on the floor laughing

Embedded image from another site
Daniela applause

We sometimes become controlling even without realizing it.

Case in point professor

Just the other day, my hair dryer ( it belonged to Art’s daughter but she left it at her dad’s ) suddenly went kaput.

Art did some research online and then we went to Walmart and got a new one for me.

Embedded image from another site

After the initial use, I didn’t like it. Too heavy and too many useless attachments that I won’t be using coz I have short and very fine straight hair.

Art insisted that I kept it and I wasn’t very happy mumbling

Was sulking the whole day and I finally blurted out, “I really don’t like it and I think it’s a waste of money! You’re not the one using it so you won’t know! The only time you ‘used’ it is when I dried off your pee spot on your pants!! roll eyes

He immediately took me to Walmart and I got this! laugh

Embedded image from another site

MiMi is a happy gal now! cheering
OMG Mimi rolling on the floor laughing scold

I like your quotes. thumbs up

I think I'm getting dumber each year.

fate -is what?
destiny is -- eh what?

fate is supposed to be something you have no control over. Can I have some examples?
Destiny is something you can control-- eh.. right?

So what is this blog about again?

you flirt and date then you stop? to wait and see if they ..ahh soooo it's about playing hard to get and see if that want you more after that? From what I read in novels rolling on the floor laughing you have to, or else you is considered to cheap.

i'm not sure thou, I go with the flow. let the good times roll.. see what happens.
Gut feeling is a good compass. That brain must overrule now and then.
Merc 's "I have no clue love...If they come back it probably means they couldn't get with anyone else and they will use you till the next best thing comes along" rolling on the floor laughing

Hi Daniella, I agree with Merc herelaugh , miss ya! How are you doing there ?
My gut tell me Dan777 has a better experience with love than that. Call it a hunch.

Just curious what you have on the avoidant style in a relationship?

Anxious types are all too common but avoidant are maybe not so common and just curious on your thoughts on those?
Momi I love your quotes so much..I'm going to get tattoo's on both arms applause laugh

Crazy laugh
So if any women had a worn out swimming suit Merc, and you were helpful, considerate and polite,how would you feel their fate would be then.Less pitiful.
Would your destiny matter more in the long run or less than theirs, based on whether the gap's between your thighs,or your ears.

Love can simply be the respect one gives to women and elders, that one hopes to receive when one inevitably reaches that destination...alone.
If you can share these anecdotes with men openly
in regards to your thigh gap, I hope women that are older and wiser won't beat around the bush either.
Then there would be no generation gap and we could all face aging (fate) with grace (destiny) instead of looking at our bodies the way you implore men to.
Fate is something you have no control over.
Destiny is something you can control.

That was a very good attempt at understanding
why women say the things they do Siozzle. thumbs up

you cannot force someone to love you. You have to give them the freedom to choose.
But, it also depends on your behaviour in relationships. Very wise Daniela
thumbs up
This obsession with me makes you look like a dead shit..I will post what I like you fruit loop..You obviously can't read tweedle dumb..I wasn't describing my costume..Stop obsessing with me..It makes my skin crawl

Doing her dirty work whilst she can'y post..Grow up & get a life!~
Dani I apologise for responding to RoseHipster..I tried to mail you but our settings don't allow that..This is a continual thing I have been putting up from RoseHipster & her buddy for way too long..From today no more responses from me when RoseHipster is trolling me..From today and every other day I will be reporting.

I was enjoying this blog so once again I apologise for responding
Hello Crazy you're doing? hug agree with Merc? Ummm...
Why not?

I didn't write the quote but it was used in a romantic story. smile
Fate? Destiny?
Yes, you've got it right.

The rest is your own interpretation.dunno
Your guts could be right Grand! wink
Hiya Dee ..
"Avoidant " style ones do not show any sign of wanting physical closeness, love or affection.
Don't worry Merc.comfort

If some people have some personal vendetta..well...let them relieve themselves.

@Ash..where on earth did you go and dig that comment from???roll eyes
It doesn't really belong on this blog, does it?confused




Have a Nice Day teddybear
Dani I have a thread on the forums..I was having a conversation as to why I wear a knee length costume for my Aquafit classes compared to a normal high thigh costume..I don't think bimbo copied all my conversation..Besides that this is what she lives for..She wants people to loath me but I can't get through it fat big nosed head I don't care who hates me on here..Her obsession with me isn't normal..It's creepy
Oh well..Merc.
It's a sad sad world! sad flower

I personally would never dream of digging out some comments from a thread and post it on a blog, completely out of context.
Unless it was something positive and RELATED to the topic.grin
Need to get this blog back on track.

I have a better rapport with men than woman..In saying that on a personal level I don't understand men.

Does that make sense?
PS ..Yes Dan you're spot on as usual thumbs up grin

Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles?

Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »

Attention: Report Abuse. If this blog is inappropriate please report abuse.
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here