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Fate or Destiny?

Someone once said: “If you want something, or someone, very badly.........SET IT FREE!
If it comes back to you, it´s yours forever, (love it as hard as you can for the rest of your life)
If it doesn´t, it was never yours to begin with”

What is behind this old saying? Is it Fate? Or Destiny?
A better interpretation is that you cannot force someone to love you. You have to give them the freedom to choose.
But, it also depends on your behaviour in relationships.

Few people have a secure “attachment” style. Most are either anxious, or avoidant - to some degree. Both types of insecure attachment style are typically grounded on Fear of abandonment, rejection or criticism.

But the behavioural manifestation of an anxious attachment style is different from that of the avoidant attachment style. It will typically give rise to clingy behaviour and a need to be with other people all the time.
People with an anxious attachment style feel lonely and insecure when they have to spend time on their own. They are addicted to company and close friendships or relationships.
They also tend to control the other person’s behaviour in subtle or not so subtle ways.
For example, he or she may attempt to make the other person feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. They are quick to express Jealousy,

Anxious types feel worse in less committed relationships than in committed relationships. But, even a commitment is not enough to make them feel secure. They continue to be terrified that the other person will leave. They will want to know what their partner is doing 24/7. One way they accomplish this is via frequent phone calls or text messages. Some anxious types use verbal abuse or physical violence in an attempt to force the other person into staying with them.

The behavioural manifestations of the anxious attachment style are very similar to co-dependency,
Though anxious types tend to form longer and more committed relationships, compared to the avoidant types, their relationships rarely last a lifetime. They may even be quite short, as it’s only a matter of time before their partner will be sufficiently fed up with the controlling aspect of the anxious person’s behaviour and will want out.

Feel free to share your experiences...

writing daisy

Comments (88)

I also have better raports with men and get on better with them too.

All my Spanish friends here are men.
Have known each other for years and we're all like minded people. for not understanding men,'s not something that happens overnight.

Wait till you get to my age...maybe you will by then?laugh
I think it's because I'm best mates with my son & his mates..I have a zillion male mates of my own..Thing is when it comes to getting to know a man on a personal level I feel like I live on the moon..I just don't understand the personal level with a man laugh
*I just don't understand the personal side of things when it comes to a man..Like a bloody complicated jigsore laugh
Okay I will wait..Story of my life laugh
If a person finds them self in such a decisive position then it's time to move on, plain and simple. Keep the complication out of the mix. wine
Once again its fascinating how people can take a topic started to help and bring knowledge of personality problems and types and twist it into some off topic of discussing what people are wearing and showing off their anatomy.

Then when its pointed out why this site is questionable of the clientele here it's a wonder the human race made it this far in life.

No wonder enlightened ones want to stop the planet and want to go elsewhere. Or the enlightened ones know for a fact they dont belong here but, are chosen to offer their message to their very last breath hoping it will sink in to some.

We wonder why we have dysfunctional people causing riots over being too zealous over their beliefs that only cause more harm than good.

When Gandhi suggested "Be the change we want to see in the world" I dont think he meant changing from bad to worse.
Or taking what is good and working and change it so it looks bad.

I think people waste way too much energy and time on trivial nonsense like what kind of clothes people may wear for a day. So, what if it makes a girl look sexy with her pu**y or her nipples showing if you got it flaunt it with style and tact.
Yet, dont let yourself look too slutty. Just enough to look entertaining.

With all the real world problems going on wondering who will be next getting Covid or dying of it or who will die of heart disease or cancer or being shot by thugs and drug lords or worry if we will have a job tomorrow or be laid off.

We need much healing and compassion and understanding and a bit of responsibility and accountability of our thoughts and actions.
There is a big problem with the world today of lack of accountability for what people are doing today.
Too many are spending much energy blaming someone for the ills in the world instead of coming up with solutions.
If you are not part of the solution then you may be part of the problem.

A handful of healers and those who offer light and knowledge to help humanity can go a long way.
Did not Christ himself say blessed be the peacemakers?
Out of the darkness came a great light.
Today the darkness seems to be over powering the light.
All you wannabe bible thumpers and moral cops out there is anyone paying attention to what's going on?

For 2000 years people have been drilling it into our heads of what social behavior should be but, still no matter the message or the messenger(s) people in their stubborn ways are still blind of their needs and wants.

I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box and I am probably percieved as a judgmental screwball but, I call my observations as I understand them.

Too much contradiction in why people are here. Sure we have good days and bad days and we want to be heard and understood and loved by who we call friends. Bickering over silly useless stuff of things that are not going to matter in 100 years from now.
I think we can use ideas that will carry us through these difficult times of social isolation to bring peace and hope.
For as long as I have been acquainted with Dani she has been trying like hell to offer hope, love, wisdom, compassion, knowledge in her unique ways because it's a world she wants for herself and for others.

One day when the voice of wisdom is no longer speaking because it's no longer with us many will be seeking answers and it will be a day of regret for many.

In these uncertain times and the overall human condition today, we are going to be needing healers not complainers, whiners, naysayers, and doubters.

The world seems to be filled with useless wankers and wankettes criticizing one another, is that a world we want? Or a world of peace joy love and being honest and real with each other?

Maybe I have it all wrong and should embrace the chaos and go with the flow. Maybe it's best to carry the attitude if it personally doesnt effect me I dont want to be bothered. What circumstances then must happen when people start caring?
Wow,People here have no clue as to how they are going to be perceived when they write on a topic,or present one. When understood,it was apropo.
(There is no vendetta,first of all or trolling.
This blog opened with your statement about fate and destiny as "wanting" something or love.)

The reference has nothing to do with swimsuits "styles,"and seriously overreached what I quoted.

The topic what "something" is affected by our own perceptions on date/destiny and a is one.
It is inevitable and fated.We all face this,like I said,
with love and support of others, more gracefully.

How we reflect on this as our destiny can vary,that is obvious even more so as other comments followed mine.The range of opinions on destiny/fate ranged from examples of singlehood to covid.
At my age,destiny can also have other forms of morbity or stages of onset :obesity,diabetes,cancer,
dementia that are not always as conspicuous.

I take clients of all ages and physical handicaps to the pool for therapy as well as for fitness,alongside with those there for recreation.The reaction to my comment would be more or less applicable to the beach,but I was not discussing vanities such as sun tanning or sexy suits. My comment was about compassion when one compares their fate and destiny to others or feels anxiety for oneself observing it.
In the women's changing room at therapy pools the
least in appearance do say the kindest and most compassionate things and we are taken aback by
their higher thoughts that are selfless and do not desire to be pitied. Some people can literally project a positive appearance by their words.(self-love)

Women do worry about the future ( fate and destiny) of their looks and prospects for love but it
does not have to be seen through the eyes of men in that singular way.
I was going to add there are men at the therapy pool that also look a little worn for the wear in appearance and I wish I had,since my words got twisted as being on one person- not all persons. They also have courage to be seen publicly. I am inspired by
the various non-glamourous persons doing impossible things. My point was share only
That is also my ideal of the "freedom aspect " one can let go of those limiting thoughts of self.handshake
"types of insecure attachment style are typically grounded on Fear of abandonment, rejection or criticism"
I attempted to give that example here and it was submitted without the implied fear,jealousy or guilt.
Thank you for letting me give context to my comment. I have a direct manner that should not
be misconstrued by others as they press their point.
4am here and I have much to do yet in an hour before work. Have a good day.daisy
Hi Prom..
As usual, you make good points! Thanks.

Most of what you said cannot be disputed.

As pointed out, some of us are attempting to have honest debate...others wish to rake the shite.
But...everybody to their own.

In the meantime, I shall continue to contribute what I can while still physically on this earth.
Merc..regarding understanding the men in your life, I don't really know what to suggest? dunno

Sometimes we put barriers without knowing?
Could be insecurity or lack of self esteem?
I wouldn't say men as in plural laugh

It's me..I have a barrier for protection
Bentley, you've said it all!
Just keep things simple.

Like when I used to teach how to write business letters..
"Keep It Short and Simple" K I S S

Should we compare Love with Business? dunno smile
You're right Prom..
Shouldn't we be discussing IDEAS , nd find solutions,rather than discussing people and bickering?

Shouldn't we put our energy into something.more constructive rather than wasting it on trivia?peace
That's right Merc..
Barriers for protection
Unfortunately, many do!

A quote from Rumi comes to mind:
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers you have built against it"
I don't like disappointment Dan..Nothing worse than thinking yes this can be something getting my hopes up for nothing..So I have become comfortable the way things are..Don't get me wrong I have plenty of offers..But I'm an instant attraction woman..Not sure if my barrier stops me from seeing that instant attraction or it's simply not an instant attraction..
Dani if it's the business of love or the love of business keep it plain and simple, it's the wandering insecure mind that more than often complicates the most simple moments. hug
My goodness Ben..that's very profound! smitten
I meant to add..I agree entirely! hug
Ty sweetie, that's been my motto for years, I believe it's also the reason I'm still single as I won't engage in such antics. I call the dressing on the issue immediately and it never gets taken wisely, oh well so be it , bouquet I love my uncomplicated life. hug
Nice philosophy Ben teddybear
What do you think feeds the avoidant personality ,Dan?
Sorry if off topic help
Hi again Dee..
No, it's not really off topic.

Avoidant feeds FEAR.
The more we avoid what we fear, the more we fear it.

It usually comes from a childhood trauma.
If I may Dani, the avoidance that's fear factored eventually or has already submitted itself to denial and once the accepted ordeal has entered into a persons realm it can from there metastasize allowing many future given situations evolve automatically to such in warp speed. At not the conscious level.
How do Dani wave
sorry not read any comments here but that saying I've heard it being LOVE, not want...
but either word, neither fate or destiny I think apply.
The second saying rather cute as well, but if I were to read into these sayings as much as some people do, I would say both sayings are not about love, but ownership instead. JMO wink
So many ways yet so few workable,

something went south there on the last post
Ben..are you suggesting that avoidance leads to denial?

I'm not quite sure if I understood you right here?confused
Hiya Itchy girl.
How nice to see you back here hug

To tell you the truth, all those quotes can be interpreted as we wish.
It's more to do with perception.

Being about "possession", yes you're right! smile
a good friend is far better than a traumatic partner any day, as long as it stays as friends , cross the line and you lose what you had , fate is the unknown ,destiny is the future ,,,
,,,do people today really look for love ,,,hhmmmm not really ,,,why because most people now have a shopping list that they tick off when looking for a partner , and after ticking all the boxes the reality sets in that love does not come from a box nor from an image of what you would like ,,,,
Hello Ed, interesting comment. smile

Long time no see. Hope you're ok?
Hi Dan,

I tend to think that our fate or destiny is in the decisions that we make at the turning points in our lives. Our lives are created by the results of the choices we personally make from the thoughts of our own mind.

It's the freedom of choice which is the most important factor in shaping a person’s fate or destiny.

I also tend to think that Fate is the hand we are born with, whereas Destiny is about how we deal with the hands we are dealt.

For instance some are born into greatness i.e. Fate . and others achieve greatness through their own efforts i.e. Destiny.

Just my take on things.

Hi Tiger..
Since we are creators of our life, yes, we have free will, and the choices we make along the way will alter the course of our life and, consequently, our destiny.

As for fate...shite just happens! Lol could meet your ideal man if you take the right turning on a road? dunno

Things happen for a reason.
They don't happen TO us, but FOR us.
. @ Dan

Yes life can be meaningful ,and some things that happen in life are just accidents. Stuff happens in life and it's not always your fault. and you deal with it even in your personal relationships and how you deal with it defines you .

The truth is that you’re ultimately responsible for everything that happens in your life. While you can’t always prevent bad things from happening, you are in complete control as to how you respond them .Taking responsibility is the most powerful attribute we can possess in life.

Because the reality is that you are ultimately responsible for everything, including for your happiness and unhappiness, successes and failures, and for how you respond to your challenges.
I agree Tiger, we are entirely responsible for everything that happens to us..
We learn our lessons from it.
However...many people tend to blame others for their own failures.
Perhaps you shouldn't have chained them up in the basement in the first place. scold laugh
Oh..I didn't think of that Jim doh

Actually, I keep them in a cage. laugh

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