would you ever consider getting back with your ex
It has been 12 years since we have been apart. We have seen each other from time to time...and me, I always avoided her if I could. Whenever I would see her out, she was with a different guy each time. Honestly, it never bothered me. I was glad to see her out and hopefully happy. However, from what I knew of her...she really took a path of destruction in her life. There was nothing good I have ever heard from others about her. Again, I didn't care...we were not together but these people knew we were together and could never hold back from telling me...she did this...she got involved here and there....all of it was never good.When she first cheated on me, which ultimately lead to me breaking up with her....initially...I told myself that she would genuinely apologize, that I would consider trying to make things work. At least at that time, I would believe she honestly felt bad about her actions and just maybe, she would consider me in the relationship if we stay together. After we initially separated, days went by and then weeks....yet, no apology. Then that is when I figured, this is indeed the end and prepared my life for a new path.
Last night rolls around, twelve years later. My buddy and I decide to go out to the casino, get a bite to eat and play a quick $20 in the machines. I sit on one machine and my buddy says, I will be over here. I check what direction he walks in so I can find him later and I play my machine. After playing, I get up and go looking for him. When I walk around a cluster of machines, there he is...sitting next to my ex and chatting with her. Initially my reaction is just to turn around...never seen...and just walk away, but I am getting tired and want to round up my buddy. So there is where it all starts. My ex and I end up sitting for an hour chatting. She is drunk and emotionally all over the place....going on about how she is single and hinting at getting a room there. I just change the subject and listen.
At this time, I am dropping subtle hints about it is getting late and I am tired and I need to go. As we are departing, she says...I am sorry for everything. An apology after 12 years. I did give her a hug and then left.
I think that is the first time I heard that word from her mouth...ever.
Now of course she was drunk. But it is said that when people are drunk, their filters come down. Meaning..that they feel freer to express what is really going on in their heads.
Has she seen enough of the single life to realize that grass was not greener?
Was she just feeling lonely at that moment and just wanted company?
Or, was she genuinely sorry and wanted to make amends?
Or, should it be just another "thing"...and once trust is lost...it is lost for ever?
What do you think?
Comments (92)
What is the most likely outcome now, besides continued hardly any contact, would be to get some kind of friendship going.
This time you and her can only get back together through the step of friendship (In my opinion).
Reason being self evindent: you have to see over time (by hanging out) that she respect you in a different way now than 12y ago. She has to earn your trust. Over time.
She might fail that test but then you keep her as friend only.
Dunno what to say as , some say follow your heart, some, follow your mind ,common sense
Now, would I consider getting back with one of my Ex`s??? the only reason would be to hurt them ,but much deeper than they`ve hurt me
Yeah Im far from perfect ,buts thats me, guess you have to figure out your own path
That makes complete sense....in a simplistic form. However, at times, life is more complicated than that..throwing in many shades of gray slowly steering the path in many directions...off of the well beaten one you describe.
Thank you for sharing that. It sincerely makes a lot of sense. I genuinely don't know how to feel about the situation. I must say, any feelings I have had for her and eroded in time.
BTW, if I had not forgiven her, the answer to my question(s) would be simple.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Having read your story, which you were courageous to share, I would be inclined to keep an open mind and see what happens next. You can keep yourself updated with what is going on from a distance that suits you. Only you know how much you were in love with each other and how the early years went. We don't know if she only made one mistake and we don't know how long it would have gone on should you not have found out.
When you both broke up she may have been heart broken and decided that leading a bad life was all she deserved, and saw it as a way to punish herself. Only she knows that and she may never tell you. No matter what you decide, it won't be easy, but give it some thought or it may trouble you later.
Best of luck.
My heart and mind after 12 years have been totally wiped out of the equation. I kind of refused myself to become emotionally involved with her last night...but she did say the magic word. I really wonder if she knew I was looking for that or not.
As far as revenge, I am too busy to be playing that stuff.
thank you, as well, for the dialogue.
In the beginning, that is exactly how I felt...like I was walked on...
In a sense today...she might have taken her shoes of with the apology.
Thank you as well.
I do agree...that is the mindset I used when breaking up with her. Has the 12 years given her a new sense? Do people actually change their habits? I know those 12 years were rough on her...she got involved with some very shady people. You know...it would make sense if I were to get involved with her...it would mean that it could possibly lead to not only getting involved with her...but also the shady people of her past.
Thank you.
Thank you all for your input...it is valuable.
since it was a by-chance meet-up, not a planned meet-up, you probably didn't get to see her at her best. You said she was drunk. Maybe she wasn't feeling so well either.
If I know I'm going to meet up with someone, I try to look my best and to be at my best behavior as well.
If you should consider meeting with her again, maybe you'll see better if she's changed any, if she dresses up a bit for you or not. A person doing their best to be their best for the other person, to impress them, that shows they care. It shows they like you and want to see your eyes sparkle with the happiness of seeing them again.
Also comes in the factor that she's been with, as you say, shady people. Maybe she's picked up some of their ways, their habits. Maybe not.
It's up to you, and her. If you should get together at a planned meet-up to talk or just spend time together, dinner together or something. Then maybe, you'll see better who and how she really is these days, and she'll see who and how you really are now too. As we all have at least subtle changes through the years. Of course, some people have big changes.
You've known her for a long time. You've been in a relationship with her before. Only you, and her too, know within your hearts, if it's worth another try or not.
Just my two cents opinion, plus tax
You got a drunken apology, now you wonder if it was sincere.
I have my own thoughts but my two cents is irrelevant to you.
My question is if you accept a drunken apology, will the problem then becomes TRUST, ANGER, & RESENTMENT?
Only you know how you truly feel about the situation.
There are no guarantees of anything really happening.
So you are thinking I should set up a date then. There is actually something I would like to talk to her about though.
I see more women are saying no and more men saying yes.....in general.
From a book I read, I know women's brains are 3x larger than a men's brain in the region that handles social interactions.
Thank you for your input.
I am somewhat how you describe yourself.
Through the day, I have given comments some thought....and I will say my melti-ness disappears with people who do not deserve it.
Thank you for sharing.
there is some thing i want to talk to her about ,,,is a poor excuse after 12 years ,,,do your own thing ,,or is it easier for others to push you to doing what you already want to do ,,,
Hello Merc,
I am somewhat how you describe yourself.
Through the day, I have given comments some thought....and I will say my melti-ness disappears with people who do not deserve it.
Thank you for sharing.:thumbs up:
Johnny this song keeps me on the right track for my past as well as not falling into the same trap in the near future..I will never lower myself for the sake of a fake relationship always pretending for the sake of peace nor for the sake of wanting to be loved nor needed by a man
Hmmm...I am not sure I have my mind made up with anything. But when I mention I have something to talk to her about...really has nothing to do with her personally...however, as some have suggested if a date does ensue....there is something of worth in meeting with her even if I do not have any interest in her. So, it could be a two-fold date I would suppose.
Perhaps a harmless date might be just that...a harmless date. It does not mean we just got married or anything. Something to consider I suppose.
Thank you Merc.
Very good questions to ponder. Giving those some thought...I think I have answers to a couple of them. But, they will take some additional introspection.
As with you, I have learnt the same...there are always two involved in the relationship.
Thank you for stopping by. It is nice to hear from you...and nice to see you are still around.