When your lover/fiancée/wife finds out you did a background check on her...
I saw a story tonight where a couple were on vacation. He went off with family and she stayed behind. He allowed her to borrow his laptop because she didn't bring hers on the trip. She decided to create a folder with her name only to find one already there. Going through the folder she realizes he did background checks on her and her family prior to their marriage. When confronting him about it (in front of his family) he didn't think it was a big deal."She was horrified to find out just how extensive the background check was."
Angry, hurt she refused to discuss it in private and spent that night in a hotel. They cut the vacation short.
The woman posted an anonymous thread on the site called Reddit to get responses.
While some thought it was okay others thought it went into the 'creepy zone' that he also investigated her family. Some agreed she was right to be upset.
The story was picked up on Yahoo and some of the comments were all too real.
Typically 180 degrees of each other:
1) I support background checks. My friend's mom experienced domestic violence with her ex. She called the cops and went through the legal system. All to find out he had MULTIPLE arrests for domestic violence in the past. You can never be too careful.
2) In this present time, if I was getting interested in a woman, I would do a background check on her. You'll never know if there is something to be worried about unless you do it.
3) The wife was "hurt about the background check" and then "angry because she found out things about her family and friends that she never even knew."
4) (It would) be a little late to do a background AFTER the wedding.
5) Good job to the husband!!! All men should do the same before getting in bed with anyone.
6) The companies that provide these services regularly run ads: "check out the guy BEFORE you date him" and...women always check their husbands phones out....while very few men check out their wives phones (and if they did...oh MY GAWD...there'd be hell to pay).
7) He checked you out before you two got married. Chill woman.
8) People do that these days. Not surprising.
9) He did extensive background checks, then kept the files in his system! I wouldn’t want to stay around with someone who did that kind of thing.
My opinion is the writer was anonymous, therefore the story didn't give enough information about how or where they met or his financial status that would justify his actions. Not that what he did was wrong. However, his indiscretion for leaving that data on his laptop (and not in a secure/hidden folder) was short-sighted.
It wouldn't surprise me if that was enough for the woman to become alienated and head for a divorce.
Comments (22)
The everyday person, I think if you feel the need to research it, you already know something's not right.
And he is welcome to do the same..
@times finding it makes us uneasy but if he did it or I will do maybe I'll have space for understanding for that depends on his intention of knowing me better. In any case
TRUST would work
The everyday person, I think if you feel the need to research it, you already know something's not right.
The point is everything could 'feel right' and it's assurance your feelings aren't deceived.
At the early stage of my relationship with my Giant, I tried to find information about him from internet. Then I asked him questions related to what I found. Nothing has worried me.
Good to know this.
Also good to know that much of the information on the internet isn't correct.
For example:
My nephew lived at my house while going to college.
I was working from home and had a 3 landlines.
He used my fax line for personal use and when he got into financial trouble that phone rang several times a day with people looking for him.
His name became associated with it and my name was associated with his parents address. His mother was getting mail at my house but she never lived there.
So, if someone did a background on me they would find lots of (incorrect) details associated with me that really belonged to my relatives.
In any case TRUST would work
Trust can be a dangerous word, especially if it's connected to blind.
Not my main concern run a background check on someone,but i will if i smell something fishy or see her hanging out with strange folks.
Today blindly trust someone is hard,due to my life experiences that is.
Even harder if the person is on the other side of the world to give out trust,unless that is actually an honest person and doesn't avoid answering questions that i may ask!.
Spying on people is not my bag.
Consider it research.
You have the right to do what is right for you.
Agreed.
I would do a background check for anyone I was to date...
And vice versa, I showed him where I live, the office where I work, and my family Castle. I introduced him via Skype Vid to my big family, my close friends, and my office friends.
We have been in this "relationship" for more than 2 years and so to me no background check is needed anymore.
I would do a background check for anyone I was to date...
DING, DING, DING... looks like we have a winner!
We are not talking about hiring a private detective or a professional service to research someone's background, checking with neighbors, going through school records, checking public records for marriage, divorce or lien information.
The guy went online and checked things that are searchable via the internet that anyone with a computer can easily do.
If someone tells me they own a business or are self-employed and you find nothing about their business, red flag. If someone tells you they are law abiding and you find out different, red flag. If someone tells you they are single and you find out they aren't, RED flag. There are many other reasons as well.
I live in Ireland - anyone knows everyone, so I just need to ask one of the locals and I'll get the story about someone.
For a relationship, I was never with someone where a background check would have been necessary. Having some cop-on, taking time to get to know someone did work for me so far.
I do think it's a good idea for people that don't have good people judgement skills - some people always pick the wrong type of partners.