What are we looking for

Sometimes we thought we knew what we want. I heard other widows that maybe the first year they wanted to try new relationship. As time goes by, they no longer feel needed. I am not sure as for me mixed with western and eastern culture. Somehow I feel like I want to have someone to protect me like my husband. Since he is gone, I have learned to be independent again. I asked myself what I am looking. A millionaire as financial security or a good looking guy as wealthy somehow those are all materialist. How about spiritual? Someone told me that I am a challenger, it seems like men and women need to start with that chasing games. As 2 billions people in the world if using math, everyone should be able to find someone. Somehow the new world the chasing game has changed so much. We may need to wait for one month to find out if the other side of screen is real or even longer. It is unknown investment. Is it worthy? The sound of desert and what do I really want?